First dates, first kiss, first times…are so essential to how we form our ideas for love. But what does love have to do with it? Today, everyone has their own perception of what love should be. Some of the most common reasons are for romance, solid relationship, compatibility, future, financial stability, kids, etc…While some of might settle for a lesser version of the dream, it is our own unique vision that keeps us out there searching for love.

I have come across women, who have actual lists of things someone must have before they will even date?

Here is a short list of examples:

20 – 30’s: how active are they? Fun-side can be anything from playing games to drinking, feeling invincible to everyday issues, interests etc…

30- 40’s: ambitions, focus, direction, wanting a family, plans or dreams for a future, etc,,,,

40 – 50’s: Financial stability, relationship with family and friends, over-all health, must have their own car, rent or own their own home, retirement plans, etc…

While some points like personality, when was the last relationship, honesty, communication, appearance, etc… can transcend all age groups, there are significant differences as we get older.

It is in the early course of dating that we can believe our search for love is over. No matter what the age, we put away all our insecurities and give into our hearts with our best efforts for another chance at love. It takes time to really get to know one another, but I think as women, we are more susceptible to rushing into a relationship without much thought relying more on the passion or emotional connections from the new encounter.

In a moment things can change, we go out to the bar to have a few cocktails with the hopes of meeting someone. In that instant, when you first speak to someone, chemistry has a funny way of taking over. It can be over-whelming, when our basic human instincts take over, but can chemistry be confused for love or passion for heart-felt emotion?

For some women sex can be just a physical act, often times this can be enough to sustain us but for other’s the need to love and be loved, is so strong that sex is not just a physical act but a commitment. It is so important to communicate your wants and needs with the people you meet or intend to date. A friend of mine always had this great line when asking someone out, she would say “Are you in it for a good time or a long time?”. It is an honest enough statement, I’m just not sure how truthful someone’s answer can be. There has to be some connection, passion, chemistry in order to be intimate with someone in the first place.

I know some of you are thinking this is not always true, a case in point would be someone who is considered a player. It is the one’s who do not disclose that can potentially cause someone a lot of emotional distress.

It is not unlike our parent’s time, where people married and literally stayed together, “Until death do us part”. There are so many of us wishing to experience even a small part of their success. This may form our first initial version of love and it changes as we begin to experience it for ourselves, we then begin tailoring this idea to fit our own wants and needs.

In the span of 30 yrs of being out, I have met a few couples who have made it pass the 20 year mark and it holds true for every successful relationship. What is the secret? I always ask…” We love each other very much and know that no matter what life throws at us. We are there for each other. A strong faith and respect for one another as we allow each other to be who we really are with no illusions. The unique qualities of who we are as individuals makes us stronger as a couple. As well as appreciating the fact that love does have a lot to do with it, but so does trust, respect, commitment, communication, etc… That life is not always sunshine and rainbows but that in the heat of any storm, you must weather the tough times to really appreciate what we have and share together.”

If we are lucky enough to find love then we must be willing to accept the responsibilities that go along with it. Even if it means putting aside our own egos, our own wants and needs as we strive to encourage one another’s dream. Though life can often become predictable or comfortable. It is too easy to give into the temptation for the sake of feelings that come along with new love. But what is left over when the new wears off and you find that life with this new person is not what you envisioned, but a cheap imitation of an ever elusive dream that will not stand the test of time.

There are many things I have come to realize, while in my search for love, the most important is that I cannot change the person I am, intense, romantic, passionate, complex, loving and forever the dreamer. Who will put it all on the line for one more chance at the fairytale…Hello Ms. Heartbreak, I’ve been expecting you!

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About The Expert

On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Gina Landeau.