As a lesbian nearing 30 years of being out, I finally felt compelled to write an article about bi-sexual women and to put a different spin on the ongoing debates about them. There are those who embrace them and those who dismiss them as soon as the word bisexual is uttered. I find there are as many different types of bisexuals as there are lesbians. Each woman coming with their own unique thoughts and ideas about what being a bisexual is.
If I am talking to a lady of interest and she divulges in those few minutes of meeting that she is bi, it is usually followed up with this question…,
“Does that bother you? Because I have had some bad experiences with lesbians who have read me the riot act, because I say I am bi.”
If I am interested in going out with the lady then my next response is “Well, what are you right now?” This usually will bring about a smile as they relax realizing that I am not one of those lesbians who are going to verbally attack them. I have always found that after going out on that first date, they are honest and clearly state their intentions of whom they want to date. I’ve have had many successful dates with bi women and really find them no different then the average lipstick lesbian.
In retrospect we have more choices today, in our search for love and that includes the increasing amount of women who find themselves coming out at different stages of their life. While there those who come out in their teens, there are ladies who after being married for many years find the courage to come out late in life and want to begin a new life, perhaps as a lesbian. I read a story many years ago about a woman who came out at the age of 78 years , can you imagine making such a step? Love, heartbreak and the choices we make to live our lives is hard enough without experiencing prejudice from other women.
As a writer it is always interesting to get other people’s point of view on this subject and others, it is often in their opinions that I find the elusive answer. There can be some very strong opinions on whether or not to date a bisexual. I don’t understand women, who won’t date someone simply because they have been with a man. We all have our pasts, isn’t the present more important?
The thoughts of a friend made everything seem a little clearer. She had married a man, though she had occasional encounters with women in her past. Yet as a couple they have managed to find the right ingredients for a life in love with one another. I felt that Vicky’s opinion was an important ingredient to this article and asked for her input.
Vicky explained very simply, “Gina, though I have been with women, when I met my husband I fell in love with who he was, the person, it wasn’t an issue of man or woman. When real love finally found me, it was in his eyes that I saw my life.”
We all have a past, whether it includes being with only men or women or both, it is due to each of our own individual experiences that we choose, who to love and ultimately make a life with. Bisexuality is a lifestyle…I don’t think there is a greater risk for heartbreak. Love is what you make it and for those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, straight, etc…it is this variety that makes life ever so much more interesting. The ability to just be who we are without judgment, after all who are we to throw stones in glass houses.
So to me it is not a question of to date or not date a bisexual. The bigger question is why would we as lesbians frown upon a woman who has had an encounter with men. As women should we not be more accepting and more open with each other? The past is just that and there are so many women out there who are looking for love and for some it is not an issue of gender. It is an issue of finding your Mr. or Ms. Right and seeing yourself living a life in love with one another. I feel like most bisexual women get a bad rap, and I believe each person should be seen for who they are and not who they choose to sleep with.
Gina Landeau
Hello Ms Heartbreak, I’ve been expectig you!
Until next week, have faith, the next adventure is just around the corner!
You can contact me HelloMsHeartbreak@yahoo.com
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