Ending a relationship is never easy.  Chances are, that relationship you’re ending has been knocking at death’s door for quite some time now.  Maybe it should’ve never begun to start with. The handwriting has been on the wall, but you didn’t have the courage to say that it’s over.  It’s not easy, and getting over the frustration, heartbreak, anger, remorse, and depression isn’t easy either.   Nonetheless, you’re going to make it through this.  Lesson one, realize that separation may be an event, but getting over it is a process! Bad advice from your peers, relatives, and so-called friends is more than likely all, or at least part, of the reason you haven’t had the courage to let go and get on with your life. Your family and friends may have no clue of the stress, and extreme pain you suffer on a daily basis, or they may not know any different themselves. Besides, misery loves company.  Many people prolong dissolution because they just don’t want to deal with confrontation. That is the equivalent of being too tired to take a bath because the longer you wait the more life stinks. If you’re reading this, that’s proof it’s time to break away from the pack. You will have to do this on your own and you can!

No one in their right mind sets out in life to fail at anything, especially if it results in a broken heart. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is—it hurts the same. Relationships end for different reasons. Often people grow apart. At times there’s infidelity, disloyalty, even mental or emotional abuse. Whatever the case, as with all things in life eventually even the best of situations are subject to what seems to be a heartless end. Be it karma, poor judgement, immaturity or just plain stupid moves, all bad relationships end because they weren’t established properly from the start.  Now is the time to prevent history from repeating itself.  There are a few things that you can do to guarantee success in future romantic endeavors and minimize the chance that you will repeat history.

• Take the time to examine what went wrong in your last relationship.  Get a pen and paper –  write down what both you and your ex complained about.  On one sheet make a list of your issues,  on another, make a list of the more significant things that your ex complained about frequently or  felt contributed to the break up.  Use a third sheet to  list of the strategies you used individually and collectively in an attempt to solve the problem.  What were the results?  NOTE: this is a fact finding mission not a trip down memory lane.  Take the time to do some critical thinking.  Resist the temptation to have a guilt trip or pity party.  This is about learning, not yearning.
• Use this season to explore your character.  Reflect on your views of gender versus sex roles in a relationship.  Examine who and what influenced your current attitudes?  Did those ideologies work for your peers, friends, role models and care givers? If so why or why not? What lessons have you learned from their examples (or mistakes)?  What are you going to incorporate in your life strategies; What should you discard?
• Examine what’s important to you in a mate.  What are the most significant values, character traits, ethics and morals that you possess?  Are there certain beliefs and attitudes that are non negotiable or that you demand be present, or absent in a future partner.  What habits are you willing to trade in order to find real love?  Are there things about you that you WILL NOT change for nothing and nobody?  List the behaviors that drive you up a wall.  Write these things down.  They will be a HUGE factor in preventing the mistakes of the past from creeping into your future.
• Remember that breaking up is an event, but healing is a process.  You are going to experience separation anxiety, depression, remorse, bitterness even anger.  There are going to be good and bad days.  However, the good news is using this time wisely will make you better and not bitter.  Use this season to discover you – the real you. Now is the time to prepare yourself for your future.
• Set dates to finish projects that you’ve put off
• Begin workout routines
• Do things to enhance your physical presentation ( you can obtain an new wardrobe from thrift and discount stores for a reasonable cost, beauty colleges and barber schools can provide you with a new look for cheap too)
• Attend to your emotional, mental and physical health.

Breaking up isn’t the end, it’s the beginning of the rest of your new life.  Life is about evolution. Sure, there is comfort in the familiar; however, there is reward in the unknown.  As you mature people, places and things are going to change. Consider this part of that migration.  One cannot embrace the future holding on to the past.  Not only is reinventing yourself a wonderful thing, it allows you the opportunity to be the person you were meant to be while shedding the individual you’ve become.

If  you’re searching for answers to question you don’t know to ask – continue utilizing the experts on Love Detour. You’re much stronger than you think!!!  If you need help getting through this challenging time in your life, calling friends and relatives isn’t helping, this situation is adversely affecting you and your children; More than likely you’re sick & tired of being sick and tired.   Stop hurting and fix the problem.  To purchase Break Up, Don’t Break Down by Relationship Expert, D. Ivan Young visit www.divanyoung.com – get the ammunition you need to end needless stress and anxiety. It’s up to you to position yourself to find real love.  Don’t you deserve it.  Your best years are yet to come. What was meant to curse you will bless you, but you must empower yourself!

by Relationship Expert, D Ivan Young

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About The Expert

On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About D. Ivan Young.