M-O-N-E-Y. M-O-N-E-Y. M-O-N-E-Y!!!!!
That’s right – you got it – money. So what is all this fighting about money mean? At first glance money fights seem to be about exactly that – money. Who spent too much money on what? Who doesn’t make enough money. Fights about “you don’t give me enough money” or “you don’t save enough money”. And on and on and on it goes. Nothing ever really changes and certainly nothing ever gets resolved. You might as well just hit what I call the “money fight rewind button” on the tape recorder. So what is really going on here?
Let me be clear right out of the gate – fighting about money is almost never really about money. Sure, sometimes the fighting is about over-spending or not saving enough money. However, that is not what the majority of fights about money between couples are usually about. If these fights continue to go on unresolved they may lead to a lack of sex, unhappiness, depression and even divorce.
Money fights are usually about two other 5-letter words – P-O-W-E-R, and T-R-U-S-T, power and trust. That’s right, power and trust.
Money often symbolizes power in our relationship – power over who gets to dominate the other by controlling who gets the money and what it is spent on. In other words, the power struggle you are having in your relationship is getting played out in money fights!
Power issues are also seen when a couple takes the “yours vs. mine” approach towards money. Trust issues come into play when partners refuse to openly communicate about how much money was spent, or what; in fact, the money was actually spent on. Couples who can’t trust each other have a very difficult time handling money issues in their relationship.
So what to do about what seems to be these never ending money fights?
Couples need to take a cooperative approach towards money instead of a competitive or selfish approach. Open communication regarding how money should be spent or saved will go along way in diminishing these money fights. Money should not be used as a means for controlling or dominating your partner. Money should be viewed as just another asset that unites you as a couple, regardless of who earns and/or spends the money.
If the relationship is based on trust and intimacy, fights about money won’t get in the way of the happiness and romance in your relationship.
Why? Because you will both know you are in a warm partnership.
Building Together A Relationship Filled With Love, Health & Wealth,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.drpattyann.com
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
www.twitter.com/drpattyann
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Good post — money is always more complicated than it may appear. The goal is to work on issues of power and trust so that money can be handled in a loving and cooperative fashion. As a marriage therapist for many years and in my own marriage of 26 years, I know that a marriage is always evolving and always needing attention and reflection (and it is work). When in need of a little motivation and inspiration (but not quite a therapist), take a look at “A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage.” And come by and visit @ http://www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com