Anyone who has experienced infidelity knows the emotional trauma it brings to a marriage or relationship all too well. The pain of infidelity cuts to the very core of your heart and soul. Partners who have been cheated on often pose the question: “How could you do this to me”? This begs the question: Can a marriage or relationship survive infidelity given its all-consuming hurt and pain?
Yes, your marriage and relationship can survive infidelity. In my work with clients, many couples have worked through infidelity and have found their relationship not only survive but thrive as well. So what exactly needs to take place for a couple to survive infidelity? The answer lies in the couple’s willingness and ability to engage in some very hard emotional work . It requires an in-depth look at why and how the trust of the relationship was compromised and eventually broken along with an individual look at each partner’s contribution to this breakdown.
Infidelity is so devastating to a relationship because it is the ultimate breach of trust and betrayal. The heart of a relationship rests in each partner’s ability to unconditionally trust the other. This unconditional trust is the glue that binds us to our partner. When this trust is betrayed, as it is with infidelity, the heart of the relationship becomes unglued. It leaves the betrayed partner feeling emotionally devastated, questioning if they can ever trust anyone again, including their own judgment. The betrayer, on the other hand, brings a host of different feelings to the relationship following their act of infidelity, with the dominant feelings being guilt and remorse.
The most important ingredient needed for the survival of a relationship following infidelity is the ability for the partner’s to re-establish trust. The single most effective way to do this is through effective communication. Infidelity can almost always be traced to a couple’s lack of effective communication. Once communication has broken down a couple goes outside the relationship for emotional support and with this, the trust of the relationship begins its collapse. Additionally, and some of you might not like this, both the traitor and the betrayed must acknowledge their role in the act of infidelity. I am not suggesting that the betrayed is not the victim. However, most people who have been betrayed will acknowledge, in retrospect, their role in the communication breakdown of the relationship. The traitor, on the other hand, must recognize the havoc their actions have wreaked upon their relationship. It is imperative that the traitor be willing to honestly explore and understand why they betrayed their partner’s trust. The traitor must be willing to take responsibility for having engaged in a totally selfish and incredibly hurtful act.
In summary, your marriage and relationship really can survive and actually thrive after infidelity but this is not an easy task. Both partners must be willing to take a long hard look at the emotional events which preceded the infidelity. The ability to engage in this reflection is the key to rebuilding trust in your relationship. This rebuilding of trust is gained with effective communication. Taking a long hard look at yourself and your role in your relationship will allow your marriage and relationship to survive infidelity and emerge from it stronger.
It will, indeed, be a long hard climb to reestablish the trust needed to glue back the brokenhearted fragments following the experience of infidelity; however, it is very much a possibility and well worth the effort to achieve.
Building Together A Relationship Filled With Love, Health & Wealth,
Dr. Patty Ann
www.relationshiptoolbox.com/blog
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