I recently had a really great financial opportunity presented to me. It was so good, it looked too good to be true, actually. So, not to be duped, I did my due diligence, all my research. Or so I thought. Anyway, I jumped, wholeheartedly and enthusiastically into this new venture. I thought, “Take a chance…. You’ve done your research. The worst that can happen is that you won’t earn as much as they say.”

Wrong.

The worst that can happen is the company takes your money, then closes its doors and absconds to Venezuela to never be heard from again.

This was a disappointment, a serious disappoint. It threw me for a loop. It meant, if I looked in the mirror, that I had made a mistake. My judgment had been wrong. And now, here I was, burned from the experience, with no one to blame but myself.

It took me a while to move past this first phase of the big D. First, I blamed them. Then, I blamed myself. Then I ate a pint of Phish Food from Ben and Jerry’s. None of this was effective. Then, I did some soul searching, and realized, I am a good person who is flawed. We are all. We do things wrong, we make mistakes, and we deal with other humans – who inevitably let us down. Things don’t go our way.

Here are some tips for avoiding the big D, and then for moving past it and stop wallowing!

1. Remember, you are usually not alone. It helped me, in a weird way, to learn that I was not the first, nor the only person to be duped. Usually the thing that disappointed you has disappointed others.

2. Look for patterns in the disappointer. If you have the family member who always backs out at the last minute, or the friend who always bails out on you, remember that the next time. Don’t allow it to hurt you by thinking in terms of what this person normally does, and what this person is capable of.

3. Stop putting people on pedestals. This will only let you down, in a fairly consistent basis.

4. Stop setting your expectations so high that even if a person stepped out of a dream, they would still miss the mark.

5. Think: “What can I learn from this experience?” If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we aren’t growing at all. Be honest, and think of how your behavior may have lead to the situation.

6. Get angry – but don’t dwell on it. It’s ok to feel anger, and again, listen to the anger. What are you angry about? What could you have done differently? Act on the positive aspects of this introspection.

7. Go easy on yourself. Have you ever noticed how we tend to be our worst critics? We will go easy on any number of people, but on ourselves, we can be brutal. I appreciate looking inward and being honest, but put down the baseball bat!

8. Make a new plan – a plan to even surpass where the first situation may have taken you! Turn the negative into something positive. Turn the page. Dwelling gets you nowhere.

9. Allow yourself some time to get over the disappointment. It will take some time, so do things that you enjoy, to help move you forward.

10. Remember, if there is a chronic disappointer in your life: You cannot change other people. The only thing you can change is how you react to the situation around you.

11. Find, and revel in the blessings in your life. Focus on the things that you have, that have gone well for you!

Disappointment is a part of life. It is in how we deal with these challenges that help us grow. Through this process, we create our own future. We can spin down a spiral of negativity, or be the positive optimist, looking for a better solution.

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On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Dawn Antonis.