We’ve all been there.  That moment just before we lose our cool.  Whether it’s something as small as someone stealing our parking space, or something really big, we have all had that bizarre moment, when we make that leap from normal and happy to crazed and angry.  It’s funny how that moment creeps up on you.  But it is interesting to consider how it is that one small thing can really push our buttons, and make us lose control.  We all have them, those little pet peeves, little hot buttons.

So how is it that we move from normal to “nuts”  in the snap of a finger?  Well, we do all have certain triggers.  And in some cases, we have built these triggers to be far more important than they really are.  And in other times, we are just not in the mood to deal with the problem.  Perhaps we had a bad day.  Perhaps we just left from a fight with a loved one.  The emotions from the recent easily overflow into the current moment.

So how do we keep our cool at those times?  Here are some tips to keep it together.

1) Remember – if you lose your cool, you are no longer in control.  Think about it.  Do you really want to give your control up to this jerk?  Do you want them to be in charge?  No.  You want to be in control.  Don’t give your power up to them.

2) There is always a moment.  Albeit brief, there is that one moment before you snap.  When you are there, just try and stay there.  Your best bet is to just stay in that place, and not leap out into anger.  You can do that by quickly shifting your focus to breathing and/or counting.  Deep breaths can slow your heart rate and brain frequencies down, so that you can remain calmer longer.  Adding counting helps this process, by giving your brain something else to do, to calm down.

3) Here’s the thing.  If you are getting angry at someone because of something they did or said to you, remember this:  Chances are, it has nothing to do with you.  Chances are, especially if it’s a stranger (hello?) that you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  You are just in the way of their own anger, their own frustrations.  They are yelling at the body in front of them.  It is not personal.  It’s just them getting out their own garbage, and you happen to be the poor person in the way.  But if you look at things that way, it makes it much easier to let it roll off your back.  Because it was never intended to hit you in the first place.

4) Time for a reality check here.  Look inward.  Think about your own patterns.  Do you have a habit of taking things personally, even when they were not intended that way?  Do you have a way of over reacting, making mountains out of molehills?  If so, look for the reasons why.  Do some soul searching.  Are you addicted to the drama?  Do you need the attention?  If so, there is something for you to work on.

5) Check for patterns in the person who is involved.  If this is the first time someone has started up with you consider – is this out of character for them? If so, take control by giving them some slack. You will find you feel better about yourself as well.

6) Consider why you are angry, and work out the issue.  Give it real thought, not just reaction.  If it’s something that you can fix, then you can begin to work on it.

7) Find an escape.  Take a walk, read a book, talk to a friend, play some great music.  Clear your head, and get it out of your system, in a safe way.

Remember, feeling angry is normal.  We all get that feeling.  It’s all in how you deal with it that matters.  You cannot control all the things that impact you in life, but you can sure control how you handle it.

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On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Dawn Antonis.