You meet him. He’s nice, he’s friendly, and he’s got a great smile. You have coffee together, you click. He’s even got a good job, nice apartment and a cool car. He’s perf… wait, hold a minute. His cell phone rings, and it’s yes, it is, the other woman. He hangs up, embarrassed that he got caught like that. You smile, politely but with curiosity. Then it comes out. The other woman is his daughter. You smile again, as you almost choke on your iced lemon pound cake. Didn’t see that coming, huh? You’ve found yourself an AMWK (Awesome Man with Kids).

Well, that scenario, or one like it has happened to many women, men too actually. There is this great man, but he’s got baggage. A kid, or kids, and with that almost always comes an ex-wife. So the question then becomes, should you date him? Should you invest time and potentially become serious with this man? The answer is a tough one. You need to ask yourself some challenging questions – and answer honestly. The trick here is not to be blinded by his charming ways, or his baby blues. Answer these questions honestly to yourself, and find your way… to either this man, or the exit door. So here you go.

Are you ready to be a parent? Because even if you are not formally a parent, as the adult female, you will at times have to reprimand and take control of children. This may be a challenge, especially if you find your self with a guilt-ridden parent, who in an attempt to assuage the pain of the divorce, lets the kids do whatever they want. Sometimes, there are too few rules, and in some cases, just too little parenting. You may have to step in.

Are you ready for a relationship where you are not first? Face it. When kids are involved, it’s about them. And it should be. I am not saying to spoil them. I am saying that their needs come first. Parents already know this, but potential steps may not actually get that point. You won’t be first, the kids will be.

Is he ready? This might seem like a strange question, but sometimes people are just too newly out of a divorce. They may need time for themselves, or to be alone with their children. In fact, they may be confused and not really ready, yet still think they want to date. That may be tough to spot at first, but if you see any signs of anxiety and stress, be sure to talk about it.

Can you handle not being in control and not having much say? Sometimes, the “Step” in step-parenting means “Stepping out of the way”. Again, it’s about the kids. So, all adults need to discuss with open communication what is right for the kids, and your point of view may not be the course of action selected. In fact, in the beginning, your point of view may be all but ignored. And in some cases, there is tension still between the person you are dating, and the ex. This can be challenging, and you will have to find yourself holding your tongue so that the kids don’t get caught in the middle.

Do you really think he’s worth it? Remember, if you do ever want kids of your own, you get to see this man in action as a dad. It’s your own little preview of his fathering style. Look at it, watch it, and observe. Is he loving, kind and there for his kids? Or does he roll his eyes when his children call on his cell? That will tell you how he will be with your kids, should you ever have them together.

Can you be flexible? Sure, you may have planned the weekend at the Waldorf getaway, but when the 10 year old has broken an arm playing hockey and needs Daddy, well, things change. Can you change the plans without whining, understanding that the kids do come first? Because if you find a father who is committed enough to his kids to really be there for him, um, hello, that is a GOOD thing.

And there you have it. If you can do these things, then it sounds like you might be ready to take that step, to date that AMWK (Awesome Man with Kids) who’s got potential. It’s not always easy, but with some patience, understanding, and stepping out of the way, you can have the real deal. And if you are prepared, then you are on your way to blended family bliss!

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About The Expert

On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Dawn Antonis.