By Keith Makenas
First off, I’m going to write a disclaimer: I’m not trying to be negative here, I’m just trying to prepare you for what will happen in the near future. The following is an example of what happens after you’ve been in a relationship for quite some time.
Month One: “OMG, he’s as classy as James bond, dances like Fred Astaire, and is as laid back as a cuddly Koala Bear on Quaaludes.”
“Dude! This chick is insanely awesome, she’s not like other girls, she brings me rum and cokes with ninety percent rum, she doesn’t mind my smoking and she said she wants to please me in the sack and do whatever I want, including bringing other girls into the bedroom!”
After a Year: “Yeah he’s changed, he doesn’t take me dancing he just sits around his apartment watching B rated horror films in sweat pants with a huge hole in the crotch so he can scratch himself.”

Romantic relationships are a partnership of two people who have decided to share in the joys and sorrows of a committed life together. Married couples take the vows: “For better or worse, for richer or poorer” – Stop right there. People say vows similar to the ones just written but do we really mean them? – especially the part about “for richer or poorer”? Even though we say these words – if we are totally honest with ourselves we really mean: “but I hope it’s for richer”. Common sense dictates no one in their right mind wants to be poor. I mean honestly, get real.

Doesn’t it drive you absolutely crazy when someone wears sunglasses indoors? I know I don’t like it at all. I can’t help but think: “What are you trying to hide?” When someone does not allow me to see their eyes I always feel a little queasy when I look at them. This queasiness is magnified a thousand times if I am trying to have a conversation with someone who is wearing sunglasses. All my uncomfortable feelings about someone wearing sunglasses is squarely based on the fact that I cannot see their eyes. This inability to see someone’s eyes and not be able to make eye contact with them when having a conversation leaves one with the same feeling: “What are you hiding from me?’ or “what don’t you want me to know?”
Break ups are hard but after time passes, you can find out that they are rewarding. I often find myself disgusted with things I enjoyed with my ex, like certain movies, televisions shows andetc. The reason why, is that I was becoming what he wanted me to be and still didn’t get the ring. So now I am in an exclusive relationship with MYSELF! What I mean by this is I take ever step that I would do in a relationship but for myself only.
Okay, I’m going to be honest. This is not an entirely original idea. It was inspired by Brenda and Gill, the most clever couple I’ve ever met when it comes to keeping things playful and spicy. For example, they’re fond of having candlelit black tie dinners for two and they each wear nothing but a black tie. They might spend Saturday night in a fiercely fought game of strip poker or bikini Twister. Yep, they like to to get naked which, as you might imagine, leads to the boudoir, which leads me to the point of this article.
