By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

I recently watched The Marriage Ref which premiered earlier this month. According to Wikipedia.com, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right.

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Axel Asked:

“I have difficulty in maintaining relationships. After certain time i feel like changing my girlfriend. Is it normal or I expect Something from my relationship which i havent discovered yet??

After getting into relationship i start feeling pressure. at the same time when i am not in a relationship i am desperate for a company. what is the meaning of this psychology and why is this happening?”

- Axel (22, Pune)

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Adam Asked:

“My girlfriend and I have been dating on and off for 2 1/2 years. She is 29 and I am 30. The relationship she was in before lasted 6 years and was the only one she had been in prior to ours. He was 27 and she was 20 when they met. They broke up many times as well as walked away from an engagement. She was not completely honest about her feelings for him when we began dating and because of that She has never let go of him and vice versa. Although he does not live near us and I am sure she has not physically cheated on me she continues to keep an open dialog with him that pushes the boundaries of platonic friendship. When confronted about this she has lied about their communicating on more than one occation. I think that they use each other as an emotional fallback when they are in need of attention. It has become such a problem that by not ending the communication I doubt she truly respects me and my position on the subject. She has tried to stop texting and emailing him but eventually it starts up again. He is also in a new relationship and is not honest with his partner either. I am starting to doubt her morals and feel truly disrespected.”

- Adam (30, Kansas City, MO)

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No man is an island; we are all wired for connections. Some would even say we live our lives in search of meaningful connections – and I, for one, couldn’t agree more with this sentiment. A happy healthy relationship is truly the foundation for everything else we do. All successes pale if we don’t have a special person with whom we can share them with. Research also tells us that happy relationships not only make us feel emotionally good – but they keep us physically healthy as well.

Following are 7 ways a happy healthy relationship makes you FEEL BETTER.

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Brian Asked:

“My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years. We have a 19 month old little girl who we both adore. We have had very little time away from our little girl since she was born and my wife refuses to take some alone time and let the little one stay the night with either of our parents who she trusts. We have had several speed bumps since Christmas. I thought things were getting better “slowly” but last week all of a sudden she told me she felt numb and felt like we were 2 people living under the same roof. This came after a week that i thought was pretty good. Last week i also thought was really good then this weekend she totally put up a wall. I have told her several times that i need her to be more affectionate like she was when we first got married. She will not hug, kiss, hold hands, cuddle, ect… anymore and that was what i missed. She tells me she wants things to get back to the way they were but will not tell me what she thinks we need to do to get there. I have been trying everything i know to do but nothing seems to work. We have not had sex in a month and only 3 times in the last 3 months none of which i felt like she was into. Her family has a long history of divorce and i am afraid she has that on her mind where no one in my family has divorced. The thought of that kills me because we have been happy until recently and also because i can not imagine living away from my little girl. I have asked several times that she go to counseling with me but she refuses. I have been 1 time by myself but she will not go with me. I am out of ideas and really need some advise on how to get her to open up and try to get better. She is a very pessimistic person and i am an optimist. I feel like we would quickly get better if she would try but do not know how to get her to knock that wall down. I have sent cards, flowers, gifts, taken her stuff to eat and drink at work but nothing seems to work. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.”

- Brian (35, Elk City, Ok)

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Sikharesh Asked:

“It’s another break up story of an extra marital affair!

I left my 15yr old marriage in July 2009 and stated live together with my 8 months old affair partner, whose divorce case was on! In September 2009, end I felt very bad for my son (11yrs) and told my affair partner. She advised me to go back – and I did. My true pain began after 2 weeks. I gone into serious depression , got professional help, and still now on medicines.

In between (4th Jan 2010), I contacted my partner – she refused to keep any sort of relations. She is very keen to get back into her marriage – but her husband disagree, as he also had developed a relation with his colleague.

Now I am into tremendous emotional roller coster, often feels suicidal. I don’t want to hurt my wife & son, but life without my partner is really painful even after 5 months of break up. I resist myself to contact her again. I am in a dilemma whether to call her or not, if yes when? What to tell her to convince and make a fresh start with me?

She has some –ve qualities, but I feel she is the one for me. I gone through lots of break up advice, nothing couldn’t help. My professional life suffered a lot and still in trouble. I don’t feel any urge to live anymore, no ambition for anything. Please note, I had affairs before also followed by break ups, but never had this kind of feeling.”

- Sikharesh (40, Kolkata, India)

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You’re annoyed. It’s your sweetheart’s fault. Sometimes, just as you’re about to open your mouth, you hear that little voice, that aggravatingly-always-right little voice, that says, “Keep it zipped.” Ignoring that voice (aka your intuition) will get you into trouble every time. It pays to listen. But what if that little voice stays silent? How do you know when to speak up and when to keep it zipped?

You’re conflicted. Your sweetheart wants to do something that’s perfectly reasonable, perhaps even thoughtful, but you want something else or wish your sweetheart would behave differently.  Do you tell your sweetie or do you keep it zipped?

You’re hurt, angry or disappointed. How do you know if you should suffer in silence or speak up?

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Lucy Asked:

“I want to know if getting back with an ex ever works?

I was with my ex for 4 years and we were best friends for 2 years before we dated. The first three years of our relationship were perfect. We got on well, he was a really caring partner and very romantic
We broke up, because he had terrible depression and anxiety (he was hospitalized for a while). He kept breaking up with me and I took him back a couple of times. The third time I thought I should muster the self respect I had left and leave. I didn’t speak to him for 2 years; despite the fact he tried to contact me.

I contacted him about 2 weeks ago and we had coffee. I still missed him and really care about him. I had the best time with him and he seemed like his old self (before he got sick). He has his mental illness under control now and I think we have both matured. We were only 16 when we started going out and we’re 22 now. I just keep wondering if it could work now.

It’s not that I’m desperate or that I just don’t want to be alone. I have had two relationship since we broke up and have dated a number of other guy (I’m seeing a guy right now), but no one seems to understand me like ex.”

- Lucy (22)

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Mike Asked:

“My girlfriend and I were going out for 2 months. I have a very awkward personality and humor about me. Everything was going great for the first couple of weeks until I got kicked out of my parents house and she let me move into her studio apartment with her. Everything went great for a while. I became too sappy, clingy, trying too hard. We always did everything together and never gave us time to ourselves. She broke up with me after she said we’d work things out. I’ve become very needy in wanting the relationship to work out and get back together with her and it’s annoyed her. So we’ve decided to live separate lives and I’ve slowly taken the steps to stop nagging her on getting back together. How can I fix things with her to try to make things work? I feel i’d be smothered if i moved back home and everything that happened there will only go back to the same. We want to work on being friends and i’ve only made her more mad at me by wanting to stay together. She just recently told me after being despised at me that we’d be fine we just need some space to not be so sick of each other. I don’t know what to do? any ideas or suggestions?”

- Mike (24)

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Carlos Asked:

“My girlfriend has been a gold digger since i met with her three years back since her parents don’t like her and her ex just dumped her and she had no one to support her in the past when she went to college and i ignored this behavior because of her past situation. it seems like she played a love game with me to get my money.She some times shows me so much love and then she acts like a slut.

By the time i put all the puzzles together and realized that she is using me for money we were in love with each other.she showed me so much love in the beginning that i was thinking to marry this girl but later in second year of our relationship i found her profile on the net and she was sleeping around with other guys whenever we broke up.We kept going back to each other and she told me she did it because of the money these guys spent on her and she was mad with me because i won’t marry her but she truly loves me.i never cheated on her even i knew she is going out with other guys whenever we broke up for a few days.I became so weak and kept going back to her and i’m in love with her and my heart is set on her even i know she is a user. Last Christmas she bought me a cheap gift and this Valentine i did not get any thing.I always spend lots of money in buying her gifts and i feel that she is over with me.My question is how to forget her and what can i do to test her if she really loves me or my money.”

- Carlos (28, Virginia Beach)

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