Romantic relationships are a partnership of two people who have decided to share in the joys and sorrows of a committed life together. Married couples take the vows: “For better or worse, for richer or poorer” – Stop right there. People say vows similar to the ones just written but do we really mean them? – especially the part about “for richer or poorer”? Even though we say these words – if we are totally honest with ourselves we really mean: “but I hope it’s for richer”. Common sense dictates no one in their right mind wants to be poor. I mean honestly, get real.

Following are 7 simple ways or guidelines for handling money issues throughout your relationship so you don’t have to end up fighting about money. Consider these guidelines to be your relationship tools for keeping the spark alive in your relationship whether you are dealing with the “richer” or “poorer” times in your relationship.

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Would you marry you? If you were/are single, are you the kind of person you’d be looking for and want to hook up with?

Sure, we all want a partner who is our version of the Perfect 10. But truth be told, we cross our fingers that said Perfect 10 will settle for a Strong 7 and overlook a few of our less than perfect traits. When you’re dating and doing your best to impress the object of your affection, you’ve got a couple of things working for you: (1) your sweetheart is blinded by falling-in-love hormones, and (2) you’re on your best behavior. You’ll never seem more like a Perfect 10 than in those too-short falling-in-love days.

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Rose Asked:

“PLEASE HELP!My husband freaks out at me for no reason, if I ask about porn, or masturbation. Just so you know, I love both. No issues here. He’s denied both, over and over, even calling me crazy, and telling me I’m calling him a pervert to think something like that about him! (What does that make me?) He makes me feel small for even thinking he would do those things. I later found out he enjoys them both. A lot. Then comes the sex hookup sites, which he blames on a friend, using his email account. His friend is married and uses them all the time. My husband has been friends with him since 5 years before he met me. It’s been a year, and he still starts arguments about the stuff on the comp even tho I tried to move past it. Once he told me that he cheated and it was a one time thing, in which case right away, I jumped up and grabbed him you know where. (This was all going on when I was pregnant and we were arguing about this for months) Afterwards, he denied it being true, saying he only said “what I wanted to hear, and he never cheated at all.” He still sticks to this even tho it’s been all this time. I have to mention that herpes is involved, and he says he got it from me, since I sometimes have cold sores. I hadn’t had a cold sore in almost 2 years at that time. What I want to know is, should I believe him? He’s very defensive over small stuff, and gets very angry, when I ask. Also, I might add, he is 44, and was single for 12 years before me(save a 6 mos relationship) and I am 30 and not too bad in the looks dept. He says he’s lucky to get someone young and prety like me so why would he cheat? He even keeps asking to take a lie detector test! I wonder if he is acting strange because he isn’t used to being in a rel. and really doesn’t know much about them, or if he got stuck on sex sites because he was single for so long, and can’t stop himself now. I’ve asked both questions, but it just makes him mad either way. It has to be one or the other. Either he’s clueless or he’s cheating. What do I do?”

- Rose (30, Ontario)

Okay, I’m going to be honest. This is not an entirely original idea. It was inspired by Brenda and Gill, the most clever couple I’ve ever met when it comes to keeping things playful and spicy. For example, they’re fond of having candlelit black tie dinners for two and they each wear nothing but a black tie. They might spend Saturday night in a fiercely fought game of strip poker or bikini Twister. Yep, they like to to get naked which, as you might imagine, leads to the boudoir, which leads me to the point of this article.

In today’s economy, we all need to save and most of us have less do-re-mi to spend on a night on the town, let alone a weekend getaway. As a result, a couple’s date night too often involves a remote control and, before you know it, you’re in that rut you said you’d never fall into. So, try this on for size . . .

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Negotiated infidelity. That’s the subject of “Sugarbabe” by Holly Hill, an Australian former mistress turned author. Her premise: keep your guy faithful to your relationship by letting him be unfaithful to you. Hmmmm . . .

Call me old fashioned. Call me narrow-minded. But I’m not one teensy bit interested in giving my sweetheart the nod to break a sweat with other women. Ms. Hill postulates that guys will be guys and, thus, we women might as well stop fighting human nature. That’s a bit like saying it’s a dog’s nature to bite so why train your dog to have good manners.

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There are plenty of so-called truisms out there, all designed to make us “okay” with things that aren’t “okay.” For example, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”  We all know that’s baloney. Words can hurt like hell.

And how about this one: “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” This truism has been readily debunked by the medical profession. Simply put, if you don’t know your tapioca pudding is laced with rat poison, having dessert will definitely hurt—if not kill—you.

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Dave Asked:

“My wife of 42 years is only affectionate if I initiate it. We’re in our mid-60’s now and our first 10 years were fantastic and I would like to find some way to just bring part of that back. Over the years, I have tried repeatedly to find the “right” time but it doesn’t matter. No time seems to be the right time. If I wait for her, it just doesn’t happen. I make it a point to tell her she is beautiful even when we first wake up in the morning. We can cuddle in bed for a while (the only time I can get close to her) but then she “has” to get up. Kissing is only lasts about 5 seconds and I have to make her put her arms around me even then. We can hold hands in public occasionally but, I have to reach across the car to even touch her while I’m driving. We kiss and hug each other good night, good morning and good bye (when one of us leaves). But, if I try to kiss, hug or even touch her any other time, she can’t seem to stop what she’s doing for even 5 seconds to respond. And, again, I’m the one that has to start any of that for it to happen at all. As for sex, I know she has vaginal dryness and even rubbing causes her pain. I even made some suggestions to offer some help. I’ve even purchased a vaginal cream and lubricant for her but, she won’t have anything to do with them. And yes, I have had some health issues that are now resolved that had contributed to ED. About 9 months ago, I brought all of this up and tried to talk about it. I said that all of this makes me very sad that we have lost something that we may never get back. I also said that that I could understand why all of this would give guys my age a reason to cheat (I never have).Unfortunately, that just seemed to make things worse because she felt cornered. While she is willing to help satisfy me, she has told me she doesn’t want or need it. That just makes me feel guilty for asking and like I’m begging. If I make a move to touch her vagina, she pushes my hand away which makes me feel rejected. It really isn’t any fun without my wife being a willing and active participant.

I understand that having babies and aging do take their toll on hormone levels. Our two sons were born in 1971 and 1975. It was about 4 or 5 years later that I began to notice that things were declining. I have tried many times in the past to discuss this with my wife but, to no avail. We do travel quit a bit and have gone on many cruises and have a great time doing that. But, it is becoming more difficult because there is just so little affection any more. My even writing this blog is an indication of how desperate I am to find some way to fix this. I’m to the point now that if I had to choose, I would opt for just the return of our physical exchanges of affection over sex. I’m getting old too and while things do still work, they’re sure not as well as used to be. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t still be physically affectionate with each other. I dream and even fanaticize how it would be for her to just grab me and passionately kiss me again.

Am I expecting too much of a woman in her 60’s?”

- Dave (65, Pawleys Island, SC)

Group Sex Questions: Good or Bad?

Did you know you are 32 times LESS likely divorced if you were born and raised in Sri Lanka than if you were born in the US? Interesting, yes? Did you also know that before Sri Lankans marry they have their compatibility charts done?  Pretty progressive, right? Why, with our failure rate so dismal, would we continue to rely on chemistry? We have already proven (see Dr. Helen Fisher’s latest studies) that just because someone turns you on doesn’t mean they will make a good life partner, parent or mate. So, why do we keep on falling for it?

The answer according to my friend, sociobiologist Rebecca Costa, is—because we can. The good news is, we don’t have to! If what she is saying is true, evolution has (maybe for the first time in history) become a choice. We can choose to use that part of our brain which is just sitting there waiting for those of us who want to move towards the phenomenal rather than settle for the mediocre. I say, let’s give evolution a chance! Watch out Viagra and Larry Flint…and say hello to my little friend (who is free, by the way—sorry, GlaxoSmithKlein), Consciousness.

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One of the coolest things about being in a committed relationship is having someone to grow old with, someone with whom you share so many memories that sitting in the rockers on the porch won’t be boring at all because you’ll have so much to talk about. Equally as cool is how, if you open your mind and heart, your sweetheart can teach you things you might not otherwise ever learn, and can even help you be a better person.

My sweetheart Dale and I are alike in many ways—the same sense of humor, a love of adventure travel, the same political views, an enjoyment of good food. We get along great, have tons of fun together, and almost never quarrel. We also have a very fundamental difference. I’m more of an A-Type and he’s definitely a B-Type. In summary, here’s how Wikipedia describes the two:

• Type A individuals are impatient, time-conscious, have difficulty relaxing, high-achieving workaholics who multi-task, drive themselves with deadlines, and are unhappy about delays.
• Type B individuals are patient, relaxed and easy-going, generally lacking an overriding sense of urgency.

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Bob Asked:

“my question is that i love this one girl but she is of a different culture, i am indian and my parents are really traditional and want me to get an arranged marriage, i really dont think this is best for me, the girl i love is african and i want to be with her and hopefully get marriaged to her, but she doesn’t want me to disobey my parents she wants there acceptance, what do i do please help me.”

- Bob (19)

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