During my marriage I’ve had two black ‘n blue eyes—one of them is just now fading, neither from Dale’s fist (violence isn’t in his nature even when he’s to-the-max irritated with me) and each a reminder of how moments of intimate togetherness pop up in surprising ways. Here’s how I got this one . . .

Excited about attending the Rally to Restore Sanity, we arrive Friday evening in DC. The plan: settle in, change, and go to dinner. Small hitch: Dale has left my suitcase in Richmond. Problem solved by finding and getting to Macy’s and CVS (we do) without getting lost (we don’t). If you’ve ever driven in an unfamiliar city with one of you navigating by iPhone Google Maps, you’ll understand how nerve-frayed we are when we sit down to a late dinner.

… read more

Sonia Asked:

“I am concerned about my boyfriend. We have been together for about 8 years and have 2 children together. We have always been eachothers best friend and lover. My concern is that in the past year his behavior ” in intimacy” has changed oddly. I know with having 2 children the time for eachother is scarce, but we always found time. Lately he seems uninterested. I know we have busy schedules but that has never stopped us. A month or so will go by like this and then abruptly ( note this is not unwanted ) he will be overwhelmingly sweet, attentive and interested. He will be like this for a few days to a week. All seems better than back to the back burner for me. He has never acted like this and I am worried we are drifting slowly apart. I have even had the thought that he is cheating. I wonder sometimes if I am over analyzing this. I just need to know if there is something I can do to bring us back to where we were. Just want to put the fire back in our relationship.”

- Sonia (33, USA)

… read more

Many times I have discussed the value of effective communication. Having worked with couples in intimate relationships for over twenty-five years, it is my passionate belief that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, ultimately determines the overall quality of our lives! No where is effective communication more important than in our intimate relationships; yet, it is still a struggle for many of us.

There are times when we absolutely unequivocally believe we communicated our message to our partner – only to end up in a never-ending battle that I refer to as the: “he said/she said” scenario. This battle gets played out something like this. One partner says: “I told you about that” (whatever “that” may be) to which the other partner responds: “No you didn’t”. Then the other partner responds back: “Yes I did”. “No – you did not”. “Yes – I most certainly did”. Well … you get the point.

What is going on for couples engaged in this type of communication battle is the fact that although words might have been exchanged – no message was ever communicated! In other words, just because we say something to each other, it does not mean we have communicated anything.

These couples are forgetting to use the #1 secret needed for effective communication!

… read more

It really is incredible how we can so easily see the things other people do, or say, that sabotages the romance and happiness they so desperately want from their relationships. It is almost as if people have been cursed with an inability to get out of their own way – especially when it comes to increasing the romance and happiness we practically live for in our most intimate relationships.

In an attempt to stop this sabotaging behavior, I am revealing the three most powerful things you must stop doing now that sabotages the romance and happiness you crave.

… read more

Halloween. Every year it’s a challenge to be creative and accommodating to my I’m-not-wearing-that sweetie at the same time.

I love creative costumes. My ex was cooperative. He once allowed me to dress him as a topless dancer. The boobs I made for him out of balloons, cut up pantyhose, and baby bottle nipples would have been more convincing had I been able to get them the same size. Regardless, the costume was a big hit and I suspect—based on how well he carried it off—that my ex rather enjoyed the wig and the fishnets.

Dale, my adored husband, on the other hand, is not so cooperative. Not in a million—make that a trillion—years would he wear the topless dancer costume. If Dale had his way, we’d nix the costume thing entirely. He’s rejected some great ideas. For example, I once suggested we dress as the bottom-line and the headline. One of us would wear a big butt (think of the Fruit of the Loom guys) and the other would wear a big head (think of Mr. Potato Head). Each would have a big black line diagonally crossing it. Cute and, if I say so myself, downright clever. Alas, my creativity has gone unrealized. Deep sigh.

… read more

Who doesn’t like to say and hear those 3 little words: “I love you”? They express our feelings of love, passion and intimacy for our sweetheart. But you would be making a huge mistake to rely only on words to show your love and affection for your sweetie; since it is what you do – more than what you say – that really counts. Read on if you are ready to let your actions speak louder than your words.

… read more

Intimacy in our committed relationship. It can be so elusive. Sure, you get snippets of it here and there—enough to make you long for the real deal. You get glimpses of what achieving the Nirvana of connections is all about, You want it. You crave it. You even know what it takes to get it. Too often, however, the desire for intimacy is overcome by fear, the fear of being naked and exposed in front of someone who has the power to hurt you when you are most vulnerable.

You can experience physically intimacy with your duds on—a hug, a kiss, holding hands—but the ultimate intimacy is sans clothing, skin-on-skin, lights on. To be naked in front of another person is to be exposed and vulnerable. Even the most secure of us, will think twice about shedding jeans and tee-shirt if the last time you did, your sweetheart said, “You oughta do something about that gut.”  Being clothed makes us feel protected and allows us to hide what at least we perceive to be our flaws. This is even more so when it comes to emotional intimacy.

… read more

Ria Asked:

“I Broke off with my boyfriend an year back as he moved abroad for his studies and moreover he said he was getting very serious for me but was sure that we cannot have a future as our families would never approve our relationship. Just after our break up he nearly begged to be friends with him. We decided to be friends. After two months he himself told me that he was in a relationship with some other girl and that was also a long distance relationship.

We were in continuous contact after that. We even met once after that and we kind got intimate in that meeting(intimacy of not a very high degree). I told him that I was not over him. He said he was thinking about me but he also accepted the fact that he was in a relationship with some other girl and called it a “sin” to think about me.

… read more

Doesn’t it drive you absolutely crazy when someone wears sunglasses indoors? I know I don’t like it at all. I can’t help but think: “What are you trying to hide?” When someone does not allow me to see their eyes I always feel a little queasy when I look at them. This queasiness is magnified a thousand times if I am trying to have a conversation with someone who is wearing sunglasses. All my uncomfortable feelings about someone wearing sunglasses is squarely based on the fact that I cannot see their eyes. This inability to see someone’s eyes and not be able to make eye contact with them when having a conversation leaves one with the same feeling: “What are you hiding from me?’ or “what don’t you want me to know?”

It cannot be emphasized enough the value of making direct eye contact when communicating with our partner.

… read more

Okay, I’m going to be honest. This is not an entirely original idea. It was inspired by Brenda and Gill, the most clever couple I’ve ever met when it comes to keeping things playful and spicy. For example, they’re fond of having candlelit black tie dinners for two and they each wear nothing but a black tie. They might spend Saturday night in a fiercely fought game of strip poker or bikini Twister. Yep, they like to to get naked which, as you might imagine, leads to the boudoir, which leads me to the point of this article.

In today’s economy, we all need to save and most of us have less do-re-mi to spend on a night on the town, let alone a weekend getaway. As a result, a couple’s date night too often involves a remote control and, before you know it, you’re in that rut you said you’d never fall into. So, try this on for size . . .

… read more