“My bf and I have been together 17yrs. The last 7have been great, we get along well and do love each other, we’ve been through a lot. The first 10 were not so great. My bf had upwards of 15 one night stands. Some he had sex with, others oral sex and some just making out with them. I found out about some of them and was mad and hurt and decided I wasn’t enough for him and inturn had 2 full blown affairs back in 2000, both lasted a few weeks. He only knew about one of them and was hurt and that was his reasoning for a few of the girls he was with…after 2001 I thought everything was fine between us and never thought he would cheat again…I was wrong, he had 2 other girls in 2004 and 2005…2005 I got pregnant with our son and my bf said something in him changed and he never again cheated…neither have I (I did however correspond via email in 2008 with one of my affairs, but strickly as a friend)…the past almost 7 years have been fine, we have 2 young kids and we both seemed content…

however last month for some reason we decided to air out any secrets we had…this is when he found out about the affair of mine he didn’t know about and I found out about a few girls, 3 from 2000 and one he slept with in 2004 and one he had oral sex with in 2005…the difference is now instead of us being mad at each other we’re both heartbroken…we’ve gone through so much together over the years and thought we knew everything from the past. So finding all this out has been horrible…the good thing is the last month we seem to be so much more in love with each and affectionate to each other because we both realize how much we truly do love each other…we both don’t ever want to hurt the other again which is a great thing. We’re planning on going to Vegas in March just the two of us and quietly getting married. I have wanted to marry him since we were young foolish kids so I can’t wait…however I’m worried about a few things…and oddly none of them are if he is going to cheat again!…I’m worried this “honeymoon phase” we’re in right now might end and he may feel he’s made a mistake. Secondly I’m worried about the girl he had sex with in 2004. She is a friend of his sister and was introduced to him back in 2000, he spent the night at his sisters and they all lied to me about it, he says nothing happened that night but I’m not sure, she then ran into him in 2004 and that was when they had sex. We ran into her again in 2005 (me having no idea they had sex), last weekend I was talking to his sister about this and she was concerned…it seems this girl is clinically depressed among other issues, my sister in law isn’t great friends with her anymore but still chats via Facebook…we went through all the emails between this girl and my sister in law and there are about 30, all initiated by this girl, only 10 responses from my sister in law, every single email in a round about way is asking about her “family” and personal information about her nieces and nephews. She asks in every single one if she can go over to my sister in laws house…we moved to the other end of the city and through the emails found out that she too now lives literally minutes away from us…I’m affraid this girl has never gotten over my bf and I’m not sure if she’s going to try cause problems…the last issue I have is I can’t get the images of my bf and all these girls out of my head…its eatting me alive and I don’t know what to do.”

- Sue (35, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada)

“how to get over lying and cheating, I just can’t stop!

I have been dating my ex for 4 years. it’s always been lol rough with daily arguments and jealousy seens. I truly loved her so we got engaged and I even came to US with her. While here I cought her 3 times trying to cheat but ultimately forgave her, finally she went over board and I had to move out a year ago.

It was really tough hahaha:) I was acting like clingy, deppendent and insecure, but soon started dating. With in One year I dated more than 30 girl, and damn I was on fire, Internet bar party friends, you name it, and so a pain started to go away ( I sound like a looser already lol ) but anyhow I made it.

6 month ago I tried calling my ex and we hooked up and started dating again but knowing her I just could not stop lying and I was cheating on her with 2 other girls at the same time. She took it, though I guess she new and even almost got me when I was in AC when I told her I was working. ( damn ) …

So anyways finally I sad I will try for real ( though it’s kinda hard to forgive her for cheating on me ) but lately she started acting all weard and now it feels exactly the same when she was cheating on me( txts, ” lets use condoms” all off a sudden, no txts calls for 3 days and finally being disrespectfull, this is when I know she has some one for real) only thing is, she would still sleep with me, but not make love to me. ITs weird.

So finally, I feel like I had been with plenty of girls in my life but since we broke up I lye all the time in order to have 3 girls dating at the same time. Now I wasn’t like that before she dumped me and now I can’t stop. I wanna find someone I can settle with but they are ether not too good looking not too perfect body or not too smart, my ex was all that , but I dont think I can trust her and going like this hurting girls being a jackass ( that’s what I hear they say ) all the time is no good.
What’s wrong in this picture?”

- Oli (33, Clark, NJ)

“Hello everyone…i just need somebody to talk about my most painfull experience ever…i met this guy last year in foreign country where we both worked…since i saw him i felt for him..so as him…the main problem was that i had only one week to go home..so we end up being intimate..we became friends on facebook…and i went home thinking i will never gonna see him again…

One year later call it destiny or not in May we got same job again in foreign country..i couldn’t bealive it..so i send him msg on facebook telling him the news…i was so exited that finnnaly i will have chance to know him much better….his reaction was kind of like great but i told him that we gonna be friends with benefits as i knew it that he is a player…so as me..i mean i’m like party girl i don’t want nothing serious with anybody…

So here it goes my big drama…in may this year we both end up together on the same work place he was my supervisor..we were both wery exited to be again together and this time for 3 months period..the first week was evrything perfect he was always with me calling me for lunch gym and he was the one calling me all time..than ofter one week the guy realised that we were too close and everybody think that we are couple so that means he can’t be with another girl…so i back off and said fine i will ignore you….

Since than just everything was wrong…my roomate i think she was kind of jealous on me so she start to do anything to make me problems with him….anyway it was a lot of going on…in those 3 months together we were friends with benefits…but it was a lot of problems…i never ever made him any problem regarding on him seeing another girl…but he was giving me a lot of pressure at work…everything i’ve done it was mistake to him..all other collegues knew it that he is overreacting with me…if i made one mistake it is big problem for him…he was always blaming me how i think only on partyies..how i’m spoiled and selfish and i think only on me…everyday he was pointing on my mistakes even if they were silly…

So due to the stress i lost a lot of weight..i mean i was always attractive girl tall skinny..blond hair….so i starded to realize that i ‘m lossing alot of weight i mean i’m not overweight girl so i can say great i lost weight i used to be model…so i decided to go and see the doctor about me going home earlier..the doctor thaugt that i got anorexia due to stress..so i i was supposed to leave the work place in 48 hours..for me was shock….

Anyway  i’m calling the guy as he is my supervisor to tell him that somethnig is wrong with my health and i have to go home in 2 days…he was shock as well…so the night before i’m going home he was all night with me we were talking a lot..i appoligised to him about anything that was happening…so as him he said he is sorry about giving me pressure at work and he was kind of blaming himself…i was crying alot i told him no i’m not blaming you..yes you did gave me a lot stress but was my choice that i refused to eat….we were hugging each other we said sorry about anything we stay up till 6 in the morning i finnaly was talking with him as real friends…

We went to sleep..so i wake up the next morning only to see he deleted me from facebook i was shocked…so i went in his office and ask him why he deleted me….all what he said was i don’t wanna any reminder that i ever met you…i was like what was i so bad memory…he just said to me fuck off…i start to cry and i said to him does it really have to end like this…he was ignoring me all day refuses to see me in my eyes…i mean i was with him all night hugging each other and than boom he don’t want even to talk to me…
I started to pack crying all day…the night has come i was thinking at least he is gonna tell me goodbye if i dont desrve any explanition..but no not even goodbye…he was standing there seeing me cryinng and not say even one word to me…i didn’t wanna pushing him to talk to me….so i left home crying..and knowing that i’ll never gonna see him again…

I send him one msg on facebook to tell him how i fell…that happened what happened we can’t change it..but we did had a good time as well….he never reply to me..after 3 weeks i try one more msg on facebook again no response…just to mind you that facebook is my only contact….so about 3 weeks ago i send him another msg asking what i have done to him…just i asked him very politely if he is gonna ever talk to me again..i know that i’m not so bad person i never yelled at him i never even insulted him…if anyone has right to be mad is me but still i’m not that pesrson to hate somebody..and he answer me back….saying i dont wanna fucking talk to you and leave me the hell alone and he block me on facebook..i was shocked i sent him total 3 msg in period of 2 months which the first 2 he didn’t replyed back..so he make me like i’m some stalker where i really think that i deserve some sort of explanition why he choose to end the things like this…it’s not that we gonna bump each other somewhere we live in different continents….

So he just pressed one button and he erase me like i never existed…after all we went trough…now it is just like we never met each other….i know his email adress…but after he block me from facebook i will never ever gonna contact him….he choose to be jerk at the end i tryed to be at least civil….but i really don’t know what is going on in his head….and i realised that maybe was the best for me not even know ever…”

- Claire (27)

“My story started on Jan 2010, she was working with me in my office and I liked her very much but she was just make me friend first time, but after some time on 1 day she called me after our office time and ask me to meet her in urgent, I meet her and I found something really heart breaking, she was crying and I ask what happen she told me that she was in love with 1 of our office mate and he told her that he is gating married with other girl to whom he is loving, it was heart breaking for her and me also I was never aware about that and she never told me about that, ok  Then she told me everything that night and cried so much,, that boy was never been liked by me and he just broke her heart, she told me everything because in my office I was only person who was her good friend that time because I helped her in her need,,, ok ,,
After that she started meeting me I was in love with her deadly and after few days from her breakup I expressed my feeling to her and she just smiled and told me that every 1 in her life tried to propose her because she was thinking that she is beautiful but the truth is she was pretty but not so attractive. after my propose she started meeting me called me from office because I was in service department so I was on tour every time, but I was unable to give her time it was my problem that time, but we always find time to meet, but she was having so much difficult nature she always want rich person as her boyfriend and or husband it was her dream and she always tell me that, in that time I was fresher in my job and I was not having enough payment to fulfill her wishes and that’s why she always messed with me and do fight over this region, she always tried to demand anything to me and so less of her demands I can able to fulfilled that time, ,,ok
After 6 months of our relations she advice me to join other company for better payment and to get settle as early as possible so I can rightfully demand her hands from her mother and she helped me to find other job, on oct 2010 I joined other job and worst come after I joined job they send me for long tour and she was angry and told me that she need some space from me just like break in relation for some time, and I granted her demand, on oct 15 I went to out of state for 2 months and returned on December 2010 she never tried to call me and I also, after my return I just visited my last office according to meet her, she was there and she didn’t try to talk to me, she looked so different and more nice then I left her on oct, then after office hours I meet her at her bus stop where we use to meet each other and she didn’t try to talk to me, I left her there I feel insulting on bus stop I tried to talk to her and she didn’t even try to see me I was talking like mad at there and peoples on bus stop looked to me like stupid,,,, ok
after some distance from bus stop she called me and told me that there is other man in her life now he was her elder sisters friend and she told me that she is in deeply in love with him and told me to get away from her happy life,,,, I was shock that time,, my world my dreams and everything get broken,
It feel like some 1 cut my heart with knife it was sadist day of my life and I feel so lonely that time, such a heart breaking, after that she left me and and told me that she and he will get marry on may 2011 ,,,
And they get marry on may this year,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, her husband’s family was against that marriage and that’s y his elder brother tried to find out about her before her marriage, and he manage to find some 1 from my last office and ask him about her and he told him that she was in affair with me but not mention her ex bf who left her before me, and then her brother in low told her husband before her marriage about me, then she tried to call me and ask help to told her husband that there is nothing between us, and I do that just she says, bec I never wanted to hurt her and don’t want to break her engagement after this she get marry, and she is leaving happy married life this I have heard from some friends,,, but the problem is she felt that it was me who hint her brother in law about our affair and that’s y she never want to talk about me and see my face but that time I was not in city for 2 months and I would never do that this is first thing second thing is,,,,,
I can’t remove her from my heart, I can’t forget her because I was deeply in love with her, she always told me to MOVE ON, but I can’t, she is part of my life and I am feeling so sad this days………….
Dear friends please tell me what was my fault?. Why she left me?. And what can I do next? ,,,Please give me advise.
Your Faithfully,,
S……….”

- Sush (26, Mumbai,Maharashtra, India)

“Should I stay with my girlfriend?

we met in june this year and everything was going fine.
we are now living together and working together in a remote area and our job provides accommodation for us.
she always tells me that this is the best relationship she has been in and never felt such emotional feeling before in a relationship. she also tells me that its the best sex she has had ever.

we met at my last job and i had just resigned so i went home for 2 weeks alone before starting my new job and meeting her there. she said that she needed to sort out some things of hers and stayed at her friends house for a week before joining me at our current job.
her friend was a mid 30s male and i immediately felt uncomfortable with her having such a relationship with a guy that old (we are both 26) and i could tell she was hiding something when i asked aobut it.
i have a good skill of reading body language and eye movements and have studied for 2 years.

it wasnt so much the guy that was troubling me but the fact that she was lying to me.
she left her email and facebook open one day when she went to work, on my day off. so i couldnt help but look at it!

what i am about to tell you really troubles me and i cant stop thinking about it. i think its because it goes against my principles/morels.

1. her ex boyfriend had asked her to stay with him while she was on holiday to dubai.
2. she had lied about her friend whom she stayed with after she had met me. she told me that she had never found him attractive and never had sex with him. i found an email that says they did.
3. in her past relationship (before me) she had met a guy online and sent him photos of herself full spread before meeting him and then later having a sexual relationship with him.

i have never lied to her and i am a very honest person.
i confronted her about her deception and i felt soo hurt when i found all these things about her.
she said she wants to change and says she really loves me. i told her that i read her fb and email and she forgave me for that as i did feel really bad. i wish i had never look at it and seen all those dirty photos and msgs.
she also told me that she has slept with around 20 guys.
thats a lot for me….
i cant stop thinking all these.”

- John (26, Australia)

“Hello, I was married and pregnant at a young age(18). Divorced two yrs later, single mother of two teenagers. Tried dating but had trust issues and compared them to my ex. I moved to Naples in 2003 and ever since I moved here have not been on a date, until Oct of 2010 where I stepped out of the box a started dating a woman. I was in a relationship for 5 months during those months there was ups and downs but she treated me great. But my self esteem, trust issues, not showing my emotion to her effected the relationship. She knew what I went through with my ex, he was verbally abusive. She didn’t care that I wasn’t really to let people know about us, especially my family and friends. She just wanted me to break down that wall. She was such a go positive person in my life. On 4/10/11 she broke it off. Two weeks later we talked about trying to work things out because we both had issues. So we needed to work on ourselves. She suggested for us to take it slow. But during that time she was hanging out with her “best friends”. I just found it strange since while we were together they hardly hanged out. I asked her if anything was going on and she old me no that her friend was not like that. During all this taking it slow. I keep asking her to come over or lets do something. Sometimes she did and sometimes we didn’t. One day I asked her to come over that I would like to talk to her. She did we talk and we were intimate with each other. Didn’t talk for a while, so again I asked her what is going on. Are we going to try to work this out or not. She said she does but she is scared because she doesn’t want to get hurt and she was tired of the break up and make up. A week later, she send me a text that she started dating someone and to please leave her alone. Maybe we can be friends again but she needs time and needs to process.

And who is she dating her “best friend”. They went away to PR for the summer, and what is shocking to me is that we were suppose to go to PR for our one year anniversary/bday in October. I have texted her, emailed her and written letters asking her to forgive me. Lets be friends since we were friends before getting involve. I knew her 2 yrs before we get involve. I continue to look at her FB page to see what they are up to. I do love her and miss her. But she never gave me the chance to change.
DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!

l all this that is going on I just lost my job due to budget cuts. I want to change my life tired of always being DEPRESSED. Don’t want to live like this anymore. How much are your sessions? I cant go now due to not working but I really want to start seeing someone.
Thank you for reading my email and god blessed!”

- Jeannette (41, Naples, FL)

“I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. The first few months we dated he was cheating on me but I forgave him and since then hes been great but I’ve gone crazy. I’m extremely controlling and am afraid I’ve become obsessed with him. I have to check his phone, email, and Facebook daily. I constantly have to be around him and even though we live together just an hour apart gives me terrible anxiety and i miss him like crazy. He cant go out and do things without me because I always have to be with him and when i get the chance to have fun on my own I dont because all i think about is him. I even quit my job because all i could focus on was him. Its caused us to fight constantly and he said hes leaving me unless I change. Please help me..”

- Heather (20)

“My bf cannot stand for me to ask questions and hates when I try to talk to him about issues I have with our relationship. He always tells me what he does is none of my business & doesn’t care what I’m doin or where I go. When I start to ask questions about our relationship he walks out on me & gives me silent trmt for days. Should I get out of this relationship?’

- Sophia (42, Albuquerque, NM)

“You’re a guy, very egotistical, narcissistic, have been hurt before, and meet a girl who blows you away. She’s not perfect, has emotional problems, and brings a lot of agony for you but it’s the moments you hold her and kiss her that you know you could never let go and she’s the girl you can really see a future with, you actually love her beyond the emotion. The girl ends up pregnant and you don’t know how to handle all of this stress. In this stress, a girl who’s been chasing you for a whole year consoles you because your current girlfriend becomes hormonal and mean. You finally can’t take your girlfriend’s insecurities and hormonal behavior which you consider “abusive” so you break up with her and have sex with the girl who wanted you for a year. You’re officially dating this girl. Would you pretend to be happy and love this girl to spite your ex? To the rest of the world, you’re the good guy. The good person who helped her. The good guy who is compassionate and loves to help other people while your ex-girlfriend and mother of your child knows the truth. Probably explains the hatred I will be speaking about later.

Why I ask is because I’m in a similar situation, I’m the first girl. I know for a fact he felt vulnerable becoming close to me because he admitted this when we were just becoming FRIENDS. “Being close to you makes me feel vulnerable” and I swear to God he loved me. Now he’s so hateful, wishes death upon me and says the most mean things, like he wishes his current girlfriend would father his child. First he still prays for me every night to find peace, and wants to be friends. The next he hates me and I have to obey him. Wtf? He also criticizes me because I tell him he obviously doesn’t care and never did out of anger, maybe to get that he did out of him. But, I will also admit that when he’s that evil to me I said “how can you do that to someone you supposedly cared about?” And he responds “WELL WHICH ONE IS IT, YOU SAID I HATE YOU, PICK A.”

- Ivana (18, Brooklyn. NY)

“I recently was dumped by a girl 34 after a 2 yr. relationship who was sexually abused by her brother. 1st 4 mos. after break we were friends. Then she said I ruined her self worth, self esteem, basically ruined her life. This put me into a very big depression . I have tried everything to get her to forgive me, even though most of what she says in WAY out of proportion.

Is this common for abused girls to have delusional thinking? is this a coping trait. I feel awful and the more I try to reason w/her the more things she makes up. How can I get through to her.”

- Ryan (45, Miami, FL)