Adam Asked:

“My girlfriend and I have been dating on and off for 2 1/2 years. She is 29 and I am 30. The relationship she was in before lasted 6 years and was the only one she had been in prior to ours. He was 27 and she was 20 when they met. They broke up many times as well as walked away from an engagement. She was not completely honest about her feelings for him when we began dating and because of that She has never let go of him and vice versa. Although he does not live near us and I am sure she has not physically cheated on me she continues to keep an open dialog with him that pushes the boundaries of platonic friendship. When confronted about this she has lied about their communicating on more than one occation. I think that they use each other as an emotional fallback when they are in need of attention. It has become such a problem that by not ending the communication I doubt she truly respects me and my position on the subject. She has tried to stop texting and emailing him but eventually it starts up again. He is also in a new relationship and is not honest with his partner either. I am starting to doubt her morals and feel truly disrespected.”

- Adam (30, Kansas City, MO)

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Mike Asked:

“My girlfriend and I were going out for 2 months. I have a very awkward personality and humor about me. Everything was going great for the first couple of weeks until I got kicked out of my parents house and she let me move into her studio apartment with her. Everything went great for a while. I became too sappy, clingy, trying too hard. We always did everything together and never gave us time to ourselves. She broke up with me after she said we’d work things out. I’ve become very needy in wanting the relationship to work out and get back together with her and it’s annoyed her. So we’ve decided to live separate lives and I’ve slowly taken the steps to stop nagging her on getting back together. How can I fix things with her to try to make things work? I feel i’d be smothered if i moved back home and everything that happened there will only go back to the same. We want to work on being friends and i’ve only made her more mad at me by wanting to stay together. She just recently told me after being despised at me that we’d be fine we just need some space to not be so sick of each other. I don’t know what to do? any ideas or suggestions?”

- Mike (24)

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Carlos Asked:

“My girlfriend has been a gold digger since i met with her three years back since her parents don’t like her and her ex just dumped her and she had no one to support her in the past when she went to college and i ignored this behavior because of her past situation. it seems like she played a love game with me to get my money.She some times shows me so much love and then she acts like a slut.

By the time i put all the puzzles together and realized that she is using me for money we were in love with each other.she showed me so much love in the beginning that i was thinking to marry this girl but later in second year of our relationship i found her profile on the net and she was sleeping around with other guys whenever we broke up.We kept going back to each other and she told me she did it because of the money these guys spent on her and she was mad with me because i won’t marry her but she truly loves me.i never cheated on her even i knew she is going out with other guys whenever we broke up for a few days.I became so weak and kept going back to her and i’m in love with her and my heart is set on her even i know she is a user. Last Christmas she bought me a cheap gift and this Valentine i did not get any thing.I always spend lots of money in buying her gifts and i feel that she is over with me.My question is how to forget her and what can i do to test her if she really loves me or my money.”

- Carlos (28, Virginia Beach)

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Marvin Asked:

“I moved in to this lovely home as a room mate, The owner fell in love with me the very first night I came to see the place, we hung out a few times, then it developed up to a point where we were inseparable. he had a partner while we where seeing each other, he said whatever happens happens, i made him so happy he knows that he had found his match, one night me and my lover and his official partner all when out to meet their friends birthday party that led to finish in a club. Well while I was probably out and about his partner confronted him and admitted the truth that him and I as in a relationship. so all of this spilled out while I was gone. Here’s the dilemma, now that he is finally free, he had some thoughts about us, first of all his 9 yr relationship with his partner is like this; never lived together, never shows affection to my lover, and they rarely have sex or some intimate relationship. Now he wants to be alone for a while to balance himself out, It hurts me to see him like this that I can’t help him at all but to be quite and back off, How can I be balance when I see him this way, it kills me in side and I don’t know what to do, I can’t sleep at night when he is not beside me, I cry my self to sleep, I am uneasy most of the day because he used to send me messages every morning, now that is gone, is he going to heal sometime and not ignore me anymore, should I just leave him alone and be on my merry way, and know that I let this one go please help I am in pain so much pain my heart hurts so bad every time I think about it.”

- Marvin (Male, 32, San Diego)

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Salvador Asked:

“I’ve been in a realtiosnhip with my girlfriend for a little more than a month. Before when she’d flirt with me. she’d want to hang out and like be with me. now that we are going out, we haven’t had time for ourselves, besides a simple 5 min long walk to her house. My problem is that, i feel like i’m being rejected because last time i walked her home we were holding hands, but as soon as she saw her friend, she immediately let go, and i felt rejected and that she is ashamed of me. also like everytime i ask her if she wants to hang out, i get an excuse or she just wants to be home and not go anywhere, but then she goes with her best friend places. Then her ex still claims to be going out with her because on his myspace he has pics of her and that he loves her. I dont know what to think anymore. I feel like since we’re going out we want to be with eachother more but i guess its not like that with her, i’ve told her i love her, but i don’t get much of a response.”

-  Salvador (17, Buena Park)

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Alex Asked:

“My ex girlfriend and me went through many difficulties to the point that we both physically assaulted each other, I am ashamed of my reaction and I am currently working with professional help so I may never again do this to anyone. After a while she broke up with me and two weeks after she left with a guy. we had alot of arguments when we were together. 2 weeks into her new relationship she sleeps with me, still in relationship with the new guy, comes to my house and tells me she loves me. I leave for 2 weeks and when I come back she changed her phone, blocked my emails, so I decided to move on. Two weeks after this she calls me telling me she loves me and that she hates how much she loves me. That lets her get married and have kids, she even ended the relationship with the guy…that’s what she said, so i am giving her the benefit of the doubt, and in less than 10 days she tells me she can’t be with me, that she doesn’t love me, and that she’s angry for how I reacted when she assualted me. (Which no matter if she forgives me or not, i can’t forgive myself and like i said I am ashamed) My question is, what should I do? What does this all means, how can I fix this? I know you don’t know the whole situation but please someone help, Thank you”

- Alex (22, Miami)

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Javier Asked:

“I’ve been courting this (younger) girl for almost 4 years. She temporarily moved to Kores for a job.We kept contact and everything was o.k up untill just recently she stopped answering my e-mails and calls,when she did answer all she had to tell me was..”I can’t be with someone who doesn’t have a drivers license, a citizenship and has a minimum wage job….She was o.k with everything up until she got that job where she is doing well and met new friends that brag about their boyfriends..my question is “Is she being influenced by her new friends or is it really just me?..and if it is me why did it take her 4 years to figure it out??”

- Javier (34)

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Danny Asked:

“Ok, where to start….I started talking to this girl 5 months ago but we had been friends for about a year. When I first met her I knew she was girlfriend material so I try and talk to her and hopefully start something but sadly she got a boyfriend 2 weeks after I met her. Now moving on to 10 months later she broke up with her boyfriend(they have broken up at least 4 times by now) because. A) they barely saw eachother B) it was onesided she did everything for the relationship and C) She was moving away in exactly a year so they would have to break up eventually. She said mostly because he was a bad boyfriend though. Ok so now here’s where I come in. We start “talking” and going on dates. I try to move it slowly because she had just gotten out of a relationship around 2 months prior but she ends up kissing me first. We start doing more stuff as weeks pass and than she says she’s leading me on because she doesn’t think she can have a boyfriend because of school starting in 10 months. She will have to move 4 hours away. Anyways we get passed that and we continue dating. we eventually have sex which I feel she egged it on more than I did. But after we had sex she promised me that she would never go back with her ex and she said she really cares about me. This is a girl that is very smart valedictorian, has few friends, and is always busy with homework, family, or work.

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Hi Maryanne,

I’m having some very painful times right now, due to not following your really great advice in your workshop…I wondered if I could ask you something? I’m having a bit of an ethical dilemma.

A friend set me up with this man, a well-known philanthropist; we’ll call him Giles Dawson. Because my girlfriend vetted him, so to speak, and because I spent some time with him and began to trust him, I decided to spend the night with him. I mentioned using a condom, and he said, “I’ve been tested, I am healthy.” Stupid, stupid me. A few days later I got a virulent herpes infection, and I’ve never, ever had an STD or even a yeast infection. I am paying big time now. When I confronted him he refused to let me see the results of the said tests, or let my doctor have access to them. Speaks volumes, albeit in Hindsight!

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Anneliese Asked:

“My ex-boyfriend and I have known each other four years now and next month would be our three year anniversary. From the beginning, I haven’t been a very good partner and have cheated on him twice. At one point, we were engaged but eventually broke up due to my second affair. Although he has lied to me in the past about certain things, to my knowledge he has never cheated. He has forgiven me for all the things that I have done to him but inevitably has become a bit disillusioned and does not trust me. I am trying to gain his trust back but I also do not trust him because of the times he has lied to me (which have been about two or three times). Lately we’ve been arguing a lot but have every intention to try things out again when I get back home from studying abroad. What troubles me now is that he insists that I will have to trust him “the hard way” meaning he refuses to give me any of his passwords to any of his accounts because he says he has been faithful from the very beginning and that this time around he wants to do things differently than in the past. He says this because he believes that by having given me everything I wanted in the past, things didn’t work out well and now believes he needs to change the way in which he does things between us. Could he be lying or is he truly trying to make things work out? I know he truly cares about and loves me because no guy in his right mind would still be around after all the things I’ve done. However, I’m afraid that he might just be too comfortable being with me. Please help!”

- Anneliese (19)

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