Vera Asked:

“I’ve been dating with a man for almost two years till now, I knew him when I was in my third year in the university. He is 44 years old now, He had married for ten years then got divorced he had three children with his ex-wife. Then he had another children with a woman who he didnt marry to. He told me all this before we started to date. I finished my school this year. Now we are living together like married couples. Before I only went to meet him once a week I didnt know his life much. But when we are together he sometimes get phone calls from other women he avoided to answer the phone. I had a feeling he had some women but I dont know who are they. Several weeks ago I read the messages in his phone, the result shocked me a lot, there are not a few women but a dozen of women. from 20 to 60 i think. we are now in China. He is Estonian, Im Asian. So the fact looks like he is a women collector. When they were sending messages they were using word like husbund and wife and sweet heart… among which I found my messages looks like im just one of those women. I didnt tell him what I saw then I found a letter from an Italian woman who he told me before but he said it’s just a friend. She was calling him lovers and express her love for him and it seemed they’ve kept this kind of relationship for several years. ok then like all the stories, as a woman i was cheated then I asked him, he said”im not cheating on you im just keeping you away from my private life” and said im too jealous and invaded his private life. Anyway im just not the type he likes,then why the hell you were spending your time with me. I hate being fooled around.

For several months I felt no hope for everything. i just graduated and got a job get ready to develop this relationship but looks like for this moment life doesnt like me much. i decided to change but i cannot get rid of everything now.

I need some help and suggestion to buid up myself.”

- Vera (22, Shanghai, China)

Inamess Asked:

“A couple of years ago, 2.5 to be exact, my girlfriend discovered pornography in belongings that were stored at the storage facility, as I had recently moved in with her, and had no room for my stuff. I had no knowledge of her discovery, as she decided to go through my belongings without my knowledge. Trying to discover dirt on me, I guess. This did not surface immediately, as it took about a month for her to confront me about it. I was honest, told her that it had accumulated over the years from friends who had moved on. She didn’t believe me, accusing me of purchasing these items. This went on for months, until I finally lied, and said I bought them all. This didn’t change anything, and I finally told her that I had lied about buying the videos, hoping that it would put an end to this. So since I’ve been caught having the items in my possession, it’s been a never ending argument with her over the years. I’ve since ended friendships with my female friends, as she believes male and females CANNOT be friends, as this may lead to a relationship, I no longer hang with my male friends, because she believes they may steer me in the wrong direction, and now she’s accusing me of going to strip clubs during my work day. Not to mention we received SPAM in our joint email account, and accused me engaging in some sort of relationship with this individual. It was quickly difused, as we received something vary similar a day later, from a different addressee. My only freedom right now is coming to work, and home (prison). HELP!”

- Inamess (36)

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Paula Asked:

“My boyfriend and I work in the same place but in different departments so hardly see each other. Last year, months before he got with me, he got drunk and kissed his co worker on a night out and recently I’ve seen them flirting again and I’m starting to wonder if it’ll happen again. She’s married and has a terrible reputation but as she’s pretty guys are falling over themselves to flirt with her as they know of her reputation. I can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend and her flirting and getting close again. We spoke about it and he told me that there’s nothing in it, he has banter with everyone and she doesn’t give him any grief and it’s not that he enjoys the attention. That worried me. He’s talking about her not giving him grief and I’m guessing he’s saying I do. I don’t want him to be going to work for an ego boost and enjoying himself with her rather than wanting to be with me that way. I’ve tried to explain to him that it worries me he’s flirting with her because of what happened before and the fact he seems to be getting closer to her after us talking about it scares me. It’s hurting me so much. If I bring it up we end up having an argument, he’ll say I have to trust him, which I try to do. Please help me. On the positive side he’s talking about holidays together next year, us going with his family on holiday and moving in together which I know means he’s serious but I wake up in the morning and think about this. I need help on getting it out of my head.”

- Paula (31, Aberdeen)

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Jane Asked:

“Do two “wrongs” make a right. I’ve been cheated on from my most recent long term relationship. Now there is a guy who is 35, married with kids who is interested in me. Told his wife he took me out to drinks and she wasn’t being a very good wife. He says he has been cheated on but really who knows…may just want me in bed to get his fix b/c he isn’t getting it more than once a week. What is your take on that? And how do I find the one who aren’t attached!?! Without doing the whole “bar sceen”, I don’t have a “job”, I’m an entreprenuer so my networking circle is my social interaction.
Thanks!”

- Jane (28, CA)

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Melissa Asked:

“My fiance has always wanted a pet snake, and I have always hated snakes. We are going to be moving in together in four months, and his friend recently offered to give him his female pet boa with a glass cage. Knowing how I feel about snakes, he still accepted the snake from his friend. Now it will have to come with us, unless he sells it – which I asked him to do. He refused saying since he was a child he has wanted a pet snake. He feels that if there were ever anything I really wanted, he would let me have it if it made me happy, even if he didn’t want it. Furthermore, he says I will never have to care for it, etc. I am so frustrated because I feel like he chose the snake over me, but he feels that it isn’t a big deal and I should want him to be happy. I am almost hoping someone will tell me I am overreacting, but so far all of my friends have agreed with me. Help! What do I do and how can I handle this, and is it something I should put our relationship on the line for? I feel like he disregarded my feelings by getting a snake, which I hate. I have expressed this to him, and he feels like I am disregarding his by not letting him have what he has always wanted! He feels I’m being ridiculous and over reacting, and our relationship is literally falling apart over this.”

- Melissa (29, Santa Monica, CA)

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Pdj Asked:

“I am loving a gal from the core of my heart right since when i was 11 years old. Many times i wanted to propose to her but i always set back thinking that she might get hurt. Both of us were in different schools. Recently i got her cell number and i proposed to her after a few days. After i proposed to her,  she said she was committed to another guy, but she used to talk to me like nothing has happened. But suddenly she told me that she has lost her cell and so can’t stay in contact with me. Anyone please tell me wether she really loves me or she is just avoiding me? Someone please help me out.”

- Pdj (21, Bijapur,karnataka, India)

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Rob Asked:

“I’ve known this girl for almost 5 years. We were never really good friends but we got along great. We finally went out on a couple dates recently and I thought things were going well. Her sisters threw her a birthday party at their apartment in the city and I was invited among many others. When I got there i soon realized that her ex was there as well. They had been together for years and had only broken up in the last 6 months, I didn’t know what to do or say. I got the impression she didn’t want to talk to me and that made me upset, I was wrong in assuming that, she wanted me there. I drank way too much and got completely blackout drunk. I was told the following day that I embarrassed her in front of everyone with my actions. Apparently I grabbed a girl on the ass. Then when we all went out to a bar and I danced with this girl’s best friend, and by dancing I mean grinding on her and dancing provocatively. Not only that but I ignored the girl I like because I was under the impression that with her ex there it was over between us. I was wrong. She was incredibly hurt by my actions, as she should be, and was embarrassed to even know me. When I found out what I did I called her to talk about it. She basically told me that she knows she isn’t a perfect person but that she would NEVER do that to someone she cared about. I apologized so many times and told her that I’m not like this. She’s known me for 5 years and she even told me that she has never seen me like that before. I kept telling her how ashamed I am and how it was one mistake on one night, and that I am not that kind of guy and I never will be. Needless to say she is upset. She told me she doesn’t hate me but she doesn’t feel the same way about me. We have hung out a couple times since with our group of mutual friends and she seems fine, we joke around and talk just like we used to. On saturday night I dropped her off last and we talked awhile. She told me that she thought of me as a guy who would protect her from anything, a guy who would make her laugh when she was sad, the kind of guy who would make her happy no matter what. I got very emotional from what she said, because I can see how much I let her down. I regret everything I did and I feel so ashamed of myself as it is, but after our talk I felt even worse. WE both got emotional and she told me that she feels as if she would have no self-respect if we were to date again. I told her to just tell me if there was no hope for us to date again but she told that was not the case. She even got upset because she felt bad that I was taking it so hard. She even tried to get me to smile cause she didn’t want to see me upset. We ened up joking around for the last ten minutes of our conversation. She said that we are still friends and that she can’t say anything else for now. What do I do? What should I expect going forward? I really like her and I think she still likes me but she feels pressure from her sisters to keep her distance from me because they only know me from that one night. Your thoughts, opinions and advice would be greatly appreciated.”

- Rob (22, Waldwick, NJ)

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Matthew Asked:

“Hello my name is Matthew and I am 20 year old student. I meet this girl Nikita last year in the halls I now live in, she lives just above me. We had a love hate kind of friendship and would often tease each other a lot sometime a bit too much I must admit. And then last december from out of the blue she said that she liked me very much, and I felt very flattered. Things seemed to progress a bit more to the point that we spent a lot of time together. And then suddenly on December night we got very intimate. And since she is of Indian background their culture has certain norms. Like arranged marriage, no sex before marriage etc. etc. You guys probably know the drill. Then came christmas break and we did not see each other, and when second term started.

Somehow things just picked up. We ended up sleeping beside each other every night and continue to do so. We spend almost an unhealthy amount of time together. We do everything together. I have to admit I like it and I know she does too. Of course there have been some rough fights but I reckon that is part of entering a new stage and acclimatizing.

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Jon Asked:

“I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. I have recently found out that his ex has been contacting him by email and trying to meet up with him. This particular ex has tried to cause trouble between us several times already. In the past, I have asked my partner not to speak to him because the guy is nothing but trouble. The guy doesn’t work and doesn’t assume any responsibility in life. You know the type. My partner, however, has continued to email him and I’m hoping that’s all he’s done. When I confront my partner about him he gets defensive and tries to avoid the conversation. This makes me think something is going on and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m growing tired of this situation and am becoming very upset. Any advice?”

- Jon (27)

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Unknown Asked:

“i have a 9 month old son with my boyfriend that i currently live with. i’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. he never says i’m pretty like he used to. he’s always sneeking into myspace. he say i’m a whore, cunt, bitch fat, ugly. he’s really jealous. he treats me really bad. he hits me at times, he grabs objects and throws them at me… he often says he wants to kill me.. but this is the thing. i have no family nor friends to turn to or live with.. so i’m stuck with him.. i go to school full time but don’t work.. i want to leave but dont know the first move… how do i get out of my situation?”

- Unknown (20)

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