Handling intrusive family members, prying friends and nosey parishioners while going through a breakup is never easy.  It’s tough enough coming to grips with the fact your relationship is over.  Throw in the frustrations, disappointments, stress and anger, plus, dealing with guilt as you confront the opinions of relatives, in-laws and your circle of friends can be a major source of irritation. In addition to the fact you’re going through hell right now, trying to live up to other people’s expectations is a major pain in the butt. With all this stuff going on you cannot abandon yourself to fulfill their illusions. If you do, you’re headed for serious trouble. Take a deep breath, I have good news. This chapter is going help you to shut them up, relieve you of your guilty conscience, shift the focus to comforting you with an emphasis on enjoying the rest of your life.

The fact that you love your family and friends is a good thing. But, it’s NOT FAIR, when you, or them, uses your relationship with them to make you feel remorse because your relationship is in a tail spin. There is a big difference between dealing with karma because you did some heinous act versus coming to terms with a failed relationship. The reason is that it ended doesn’t matter. We can pick any old scape goat to beat you with.  It’s totally irrelevant.

… read more

The laws and regulations that govern our life are staggeringly complex. No one, not even an attorney, can know them all. But, like it or not, your marriage is subject to a myriad of rules and restrictions imposed upon it by the jurisdiction(s) in which you live, beginning with whether you “qualify” to be legally married and culminating with what happens to your property when you die. That’s the bad news. The good news is that, for the most part, you’re able to write your own rules to fit your unique situation IF you do it right.

Every business partnership worth its salt has an operating agreement that dictates the partners’ rights and obligations and what happens if a partner leaves or the partnership is dissolved. It’s a good idea to plan for such contingencies when everyone is getting along. The same applies to your remarriage. The last thing you want is for you, your spouse, and/or your heirs to be stuck in a quagmire of legal wrangling where those who benefit most are the lawyers.  The time to hammer out thorny legal, financial, and estate issues is when you’re clear-headed and can think both generously and realistically.

… read more

Add to the list of recent exposed cheaters NFL star and Today show correspondent Tiki Barber. He joins the likes of Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards – and these are just the people who’ve been exposed recently. Every time we turn around it seems someone larger than life is being brought down by confessions or allegations of infidelity.

Barber announced he’s leaving his wife of 11 years (who’s eight months pregnant with twins, I might add!) for his 23-year-old mistress, a former NBC intern. It seems like infidelity is spreading like an epidemic and I do believe infidelity and adultery can be treated like a disease, brought into the light, discussed and thereby hopefully rehabbing those who have faced it or succumbed to it. In fact, not long ago it was discovered that there’s a link between a specific gene and the way men bond to their partners, thereby making them less or more likely to be disposed to infidelity.

Ending a relationship is never easy.  Chances are, that relationship you’re ending has been knocking at death’s door for quite some time now.  Maybe it should’ve never begun to start with. The handwriting has been on the wall, but you didn’t have the courage to say that it’s over.  It’s not easy, and getting over the frustration, heartbreak, anger, remorse, and depression isn’t easy either.   Nonetheless, you’re going to make it through this.  Lesson one, realize that separation may be an event, but getting over it is a process! Bad advice from your peers, relatives, and so-called friends is more than likely all, or at least part, of the reason you haven’t had the courage to let go and get on with your life. Your family and friends may have no clue of the stress, and extreme pain you suffer on a daily basis, or they may not know any different themselves. Besides, misery loves company.  Many people prolong dissolution because they just don’t want to deal with confrontation. That is the equivalent of being too tired to take a bath because the longer you wait the more life stinks. If you’re reading this, that’s proof it’s time to break away from the pack. You will have to do this on your own and you can!

… read more

Bryan Asked:

“My father and mother divorced 30 years ago. My Mom has struggled to survive while my Dad has accumulated 12 million in assets. My Mom just had a bypass surgery and is unemployed. I am her only extra source of extra income. Don’t you think my Dad is somewhat responsible for leaving my Mom and should have a link to her as long as I am around? The divorce was because my Dad cheated on my Mom.”

- Bryan (36)

… read more

By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

I recently watched The Marriage Ref which premiered earlier this month. According to Wikipedia.com, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right.

… read more

Sikharesh Asked:

“It’s another break up story of an extra marital affair!

I left my 15yr old marriage in July 2009 and stated live together with my 8 months old affair partner, whose divorce case was on! In September 2009, end I felt very bad for my son (11yrs) and told my affair partner. She advised me to go back – and I did. My true pain began after 2 weeks. I gone into serious depression , got professional help, and still now on medicines.

In between (4th Jan 2010), I contacted my partner – she refused to keep any sort of relations. She is very keen to get back into her marriage – but her husband disagree, as he also had developed a relation with his colleague.

Now I am into tremendous emotional roller coster, often feels suicidal. I don’t want to hurt my wife & son, but life without my partner is really painful even after 5 months of break up. I resist myself to contact her again. I am in a dilemma whether to call her or not, if yes when? What to tell her to convince and make a fresh start with me?

She has some –ve qualities, but I feel she is the one for me. I gone through lots of break up advice, nothing couldn’t help. My professional life suffered a lot and still in trouble. I don’t feel any urge to live anymore, no ambition for anything. Please note, I had affairs before also followed by break ups, but never had this kind of feeling.”

- Sikharesh (40, Kolkata, India)

… read more

Gene Asked:

“My wife and i have been married for 21 years. She told me she still loves me but is not as much in love with me as she used to be. Now she has started talking on her cell phone and texting a few guys, she says they are friends only and swears on our kids lives there is nothing to worry about. She went back to her home town last weekend and went out two times with an old girfriend from high school without telling me anything about it. When i am around her i feel strange, I feel like she is hard to talk to. We have talked about divorce. She tells me i can leave if i want to, she wont try to stop me. When i ask her if she wants me to leave she gets upset and tells me she would tell me if she wanted me to leave, She said she wasnt scared to let me to leave if she wanted to. she says she doesn’t know what she wants. I love her with all of my heart and i want it to work. She says it will take time. I didnt show her much attention during our time together and she lost a lot of weight. She said since she lost the wieght guys tell her how good she looks and i never told her anything. I also have a felling she may be cheating on me. I try to talk to her about us but she always gets mad. She said she was going to make an appointment to a marrage counsler because she owes it to me and the kids to try. When i ask her if she is going for her to and she doesn’t answer, Then she said if she didnt care she wouldnt go. I dont know what to do but i feel that it is over and she is getting her ducks in a row getting bills paid to leave me.”

- Gene (46)

… read more

Rob Asked:

“I need some advice, my wife and I are going through some turmoil. She has told me she would like a divorce, we agreed to take the next year or so to pay off bills to make it easier finacially on both of us. She also has told me that she wants to take day at a time and see what happens. She says right now she has no feelings for me in the way a wife should, but she doesn’t know if in the future they will come back. Right now she is following her heart and her heart is leading her away from me. I have asked if she was interested or seeing someone else and she has said no, that she just wants to be alone for a while. We have two children and I am in our house and still sleep in the same bed with her. There is no physical connection ie, no hand holding, no hugging, no kissing ect. No I love you’s or any of the sort. We still do things together with the kids and with each other, we don’t go out together too much, but we did have a great new years together and she hugged me. I asked her if she would go on a date with me and she said now is not the right time. So my question is what do I do? Do I give her space and how do I do that? I love her very much, and I want this to work out and hopefully reconnect stronger, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I start asking the same questions and bothering her. Any and help would be great. Thanks.”

- Rob (33, Virginia Beach, VA)

… read more

Ever wonder why, when you’re falling in love, you can’t think of anything else? As if you’re addicted to your sweetheart? You are addicted. Dopamine. Adrenalin. Serotonin. When you’re falling in love, your brain produces these hormones by the gallon. Dopamine has the same effect on your brain as cocaine. Adrenaline and Serotonin contribute to the can’t-think-of-anything-else obsession. This flood of hormones is why we’re blinded to the all-too-soon-painfully-obvious flaws of the object of our affection.

… read more