“Ok my fiancee and I have been together 3 yrs.  Im divorced because of domestic violence, I have been through many traumatic experiences throughout my life..I have adhd, ocd and ptsd and Im hypothyroid.
It took my fiancee a while for me to trust him. He comes from a marriage where he was cheated on…he got separated and met someone else. He feels guilty about not being able to be physically there for his kids like he would like…that is our background. Now, we recently had a daughter and 1 1/2 months after giving birth I found out he had been looking at personal ads on craigslist…I forgave him since he admitted its an addiction and he told me I could go through his email and phone whenever I wanted.

BUT he keeps responding to ads and even sending pictures and saying he is married. It just hurts so much specially since he knows what I have been through since we have a daugher and that didnt stop him. He has talked to his therapist but I wonder how he tells him. My fiancee says he failed me and doesnt deserve me and I feel that’s part of the issue: his insecurity. He opened a whole new world of hurt on me and Im angry since he got me to trust him…for this?? Even my family gave me their back because Im not married to him. He is an ex felon maybe thats where his guilt comes in also? Since we have been together he received a call (in my presence) where he was told he had a love child (well he was separated at the moment the child was conceived separation confirmed by his older daughter) which adds to his guilt and my fear now . But my fear is even though he was separated he might cheat on me w her bcause he keeps contact with her because of their child I dont like that they talk about things other than the child (emails) again because of the personal ads. He says he has never actually met anyone in the ads…but he keeps hiding and erasing the emails. I truly love this man and he is loving and caring…just great in every other aspect. What do I do?”

- TrustingHeart (32, Nevada)

“I have been with my boyfriend for over Five years and we just recently got engaged. Now there is another guy I am interested in and the other guy is not at all what I will usually go for. He has a wife and a one year old child back in his country. He tells me he is having problems with her and I feel like I might not be ready to wed yet due to the fact that I have kissed this guy more than one in my engagement.I feel like I am stuck. I can’t stop thinking of this guy and when I see my fiance I think of this guy. I dont know what to do. Please Help!”

- Brenda (23, Florida)

“we been talking for a year. Things were complicated because it seemed as if he had a issue moving foward with me. He claimed he really liked me and didn’t want to be friends 0. Never has he made an effort to spend time with me. I talked to him about it and now he claims he doesn’t want me to move on,but needs sometime to think. He says attracted to the person I am.he agres to finish our convo when he calls back but then I don’t hear from him in a month. He recently calls I ignore then call back a day later and its been a week and hasn’t called back.”

- Lauren (22, Dallas)

“My boyfriend watches ALOT of porn, which doesn’t bother me at all. My problem is that he is somewhat inexperienced and seems to think real sex should be like it is in porn movies…multiple and uncomfortable positions, lasting for hours, etc. How do I tell him that I don’t like this without damaging his ego? I’ve tried using guidance in the bedroom but he just goes back to what he thinks is good.”

- Alicia (31)

“i met an older guy (11 years older, i’m 20) at work 3 months ago and developed feelings for him, and he acted like he felt the same. i caught him staring/smiling at me, he was touchy feely, always coming to see/talk to me etc, but since i left a month ago, he’s not spoken to me an awful lot and i haven’t seen him. i told him i like him 5 days ago and he hasn’t responded. i don’t mind either way but the fact that he’s ignoring me is really bothering me, what should i do?”

- Sophie (20)

“okay nd my bf now ex well he had been cheating on me and it was the whole relationship but he told me wen he goes to parties he gets drunk and ends up doing something stupid and well he cheated on me and brokeup with me cause he realized wat he did the next morning and the day after he wanted me back and i dont know whether i should give him a second chance or not and its been stressing me out cause i love him and i wanna be able to give me and him another shot.”

- Gabbie (17, Opelousas, Louisiana)

“My story is complicated. I currently have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for almost 2 years. There is this other boy I’ve know since a little girl but began to like each other and develop love 9 years ago. We never got to establish a real relationship due to distance. But we were madly in love. My problem is that right now I’m loving him and my boyfriend at the same time. I think of him every single day and we barely talk because now he has a child and girlfriend. I feel that he still has feelings whenever we chat to see how life is going and so on. I just don’t know what to do? Do I tell him I still love him? Do I just stay with my current boyfriend and continue being tormented by the thoughts of the other guy in my head every single day? HELP. I don’t want to wonder for the rest of my life what if’s.”

- Anon (20)

“This guy i met trough internet, and now we are having s long distance relationship. But nothing goes right… sometimes he is good to me sometimes he is not…he says he wants to be with me and he only wants me…but we keep fighting around little and stupid stuff…he keeps coming back and apologizing and i keep taking him back… ever time we talk on the phone he says that he is crazy about my voice and that he cant help his self and he masturbates everytime he hears me talking…i dont know what to do, how to handle this situation? sometimes i think he loves me but sometimes i feel like he is just using me?”

- She (21)

“My bf and I have been together 17yrs. The last 7have been great, we get along well and do love each other, we’ve been through a lot. The first 10 were not so great. My bf had upwards of 15 one night stands. Some he had sex with, others oral sex and some just making out with them. I found out about some of them and was mad and hurt and decided I wasn’t enough for him and inturn had 2 full blown affairs back in 2000, both lasted a few weeks. He only knew about one of them and was hurt and that was his reasoning for a few of the girls he was with…after 2001 I thought everything was fine between us and never thought he would cheat again…I was wrong, he had 2 other girls in 2004 and 2005…2005 I got pregnant with our son and my bf said something in him changed and he never again cheated…neither have I (I did however correspond via email in 2008 with one of my affairs, but strickly as a friend)…the past almost 7 years have been fine, we have 2 young kids and we both seemed content…

however last month for some reason we decided to air out any secrets we had…this is when he found out about the affair of mine he didn’t know about and I found out about a few girls, 3 from 2000 and one he slept with in 2004 and one he had oral sex with in 2005…the difference is now instead of us being mad at each other we’re both heartbroken…we’ve gone through so much together over the years and thought we knew everything from the past. So finding all this out has been horrible…the good thing is the last month we seem to be so much more in love with each and affectionate to each other because we both realize how much we truly do love each other…we both don’t ever want to hurt the other again which is a great thing. We’re planning on going to Vegas in March just the two of us and quietly getting married. I have wanted to marry him since we were young foolish kids so I can’t wait…however I’m worried about a few things…and oddly none of them are if he is going to cheat again!…I’m worried this “honeymoon phase” we’re in right now might end and he may feel he’s made a mistake. Secondly I’m worried about the girl he had sex with in 2004. She is a friend of his sister and was introduced to him back in 2000, he spent the night at his sisters and they all lied to me about it, he says nothing happened that night but I’m not sure, she then ran into him in 2004 and that was when they had sex. We ran into her again in 2005 (me having no idea they had sex), last weekend I was talking to his sister about this and she was concerned…it seems this girl is clinically depressed among other issues, my sister in law isn’t great friends with her anymore but still chats via Facebook…we went through all the emails between this girl and my sister in law and there are about 30, all initiated by this girl, only 10 responses from my sister in law, every single email in a round about way is asking about her “family” and personal information about her nieces and nephews. She asks in every single one if she can go over to my sister in laws house…we moved to the other end of the city and through the emails found out that she too now lives literally minutes away from us…I’m affraid this girl has never gotten over my bf and I’m not sure if she’s going to try cause problems…the last issue I have is I can’t get the images of my bf and all these girls out of my head…its eatting me alive and I don’t know what to do.”

- Sue (35, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada)

“hi – i just broke up with my fiance of 15 years in july2011- we have a son of 11- he went to work uk in nov 2010 and in july 2011 came home and broke up wth me-he said i dont think   i really ever loved u and cant see my self ever marring u – i still find u very attractive- and maybe we can always have our little thing together!– so he has come home a few times to see his son and due to him staying in family home- i am silll liven in famiy home due to financial circustances– we have been together- i guess only sexually to him–i guess im still in love with him and am findin it hard to move on— but why would he try to be with me– i think i know the answers to these questions– ie he wants his cake and eats it– hes selfish- he just needs sex -the july prior to him leaving  i did something bad to hurt him as he hadnt been treating me very well– he was a builder all his life and earned good money and due to recession took work bouncin in local niteclub- when he finished at 2am he sat and drank at bar till 6am or even later 8am 10am- of coure at first i thought he was messin around but did go a few times to pick him up and generally he was just having the crack chatting ad excessively drinking- he admitted he was lonely and was out searching for that miss right– i could write and wrte – prop need to get counselling as ireally feel fucked up about this- lonely – the thought of been a lonely parent- i miss him- i know he wsnt good for me—- but why does he do that- come on to me and we end up in bed?–

why is he using me- why did i not see this years ago- why did i let it go on for years- why am i so afraid – six months have passed- tryin to be positive

- Orla (38, Ireland)