Q~ I’m a fifty-something, single, looking to get back out in the dating world. I am not thrilled with the idea of online dating but realize when it comes to the law of attraction, I need to get the ball rolling. The problem is, I am not feeling as marketable as I was in my thirties and forties, never mind my hormones are raging like a teenager—except now, instead of blooming, it seems I am about to lose my blossom. Any suggestions on how to attract a great mate?

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Klaudija Asked:

“in year 5 i started a new school and i began to like the most popular guy in my year, and i was the least popular girl in my year. half way through year 5 he found out and asked me out and i said yes and we were going out for a year and a half and i think i fell in love. during the time we were going out he cheated on me once but i forgave him, then at the end of year 6 he dumped me and i was devastated. i don’t remember much but by then i had some friends (whereas before i didn’t have any) and they say that they remember it and that i was crying my eyes out and that a teacher shouted at the guy: “look at that poor little girl, how can you live with yourself after seeing that?!”.

now i am in year 9 and i still like him. i don’t know if it is love but i just don’t seem to be able to give him up. when we broke up we didn’t talk at all until just recently (we don’t talk much but at least it’s more than nothing) and i am scared to tell him that i like him just in case we stop talking again.
i know you probably think i am some stupid little girl talking about love or whatever but i just really don’t know what to do anymore. i don’t want to like him but i just do.

please tell me what to do, or maybe not do.

thank you very much.”

- Klaudija (13, England)

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Your soggy bodies collapse beside each other, too depleted to even wipe away the beads of sweat swelling above your brow and trickling down into your ears. Your lover rolls off to one side of the bed feeling for a light: you turn and watch the embers at the end of the cigarette ignite, then gaze as he takes a long drag and exhales a vapor trail of smoke into the silence. “Ahhhhhh,” he speaks. “That was great!” You dreamily reply, “Yeah…Wow…that was…amazing!” He reaches over and rests his weary hand on your thigh, takes one last drag; you both lie quietly as the smoke disappears into the night. You gaze at his strong silhouette. He falls off to sleep as you drift off into visions of Happily Ever After…until…

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Lucy Asked:

“I want to know if getting back with an ex ever works?

I was with my ex for 4 years and we were best friends for 2 years before we dated. The first three years of our relationship were perfect. We got on well, he was a really caring partner and very romantic
We broke up, because he had terrible depression and anxiety (he was hospitalized for a while). He kept breaking up with me and I took him back a couple of times. The third time I thought I should muster the self respect I had left and leave. I didn’t speak to him for 2 years; despite the fact he tried to contact me.

I contacted him about 2 weeks ago and we had coffee. I still missed him and really care about him. I had the best time with him and he seemed like his old self (before he got sick). He has his mental illness under control now and I think we have both matured. We were only 16 when we started going out and we’re 22 now. I just keep wondering if it could work now.

It’s not that I’m desperate or that I just don’t want to be alone. I have had two relationship since we broke up and have dated a number of other guy (I’m seeing a guy right now), but no one seems to understand me like ex.”

- Lucy (22)

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Before we begin creating our romantic Valentine’s Day bedroom ambiance, we need a really quick review. Do you remember what your five senses are? Sight, Sound, Touch, Smell and Taste. Okay, now that we have that out of the way I am going to show you how to use these five senses to put an exclamation point ending on your romantic Valentine’s Day.

Let’s start with your sense of smell since this is usually the first thing we are aware of when we enter a room (or even prior to entering a room). It is really easy to create a romantic aroma in our bedroom because there are an endless array of aromatherapy candles and incense. So pick your favorite scented candle(s) and light it up! We are, after all, still mammals and our sense of smell triggers all sorts of chemical reactions in the brain that arouse our sensuality.

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CHRISTINE Asked:

“MY DAUGHTER’S BOYFRIEND KEEPS ON BREAKING UP WITH HER. EVERY YEAR THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 3 YEARS THEN SAYS SORRY AND THEY BACK TOGETHER. SHE LOVES HIM A LOT, BUT I’M NOT SO SURE IF HE DOES. THEY HAVE LOTS OF UPSET WHICH START BY HIM. IF HE LOVES HER HOW CAN HE DO THIS EVRY YEAR AND WHY? THEY ARE BOTH 19.”

- CHRISTINE (61, London)

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Stuck Asked:

“I just got off a relationship, and I was very upset and angry and bitter when it ended. I was the type of person who would keep it inside and would not let it out, even if he asked me a million times. I knew he loved me so much, and, I actually loved him too, but I was so clouded by my anger and upsets, I refused to see how much I loved him.

After that, there was a girl, someone he got really close with, and she developed feelings for him. He came to me and asked me again and again if I would consider him, and if not, he would move on with this girl. In my opinion, it was a rebound, but he didn’t think so, so I was entirely crushed.

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Forgiveness. It’s a topic we hear a lot about when it comes to marriage and relationships. Lord knows there’s plenty to forgive and I, for one, am grateful for a partner who has a generous and forgiving heart. But I ask you, for all the talk and hoopla about the “virtue” of forgiveness, why isn’t there more said about the conditions under which one is forgiven? You, in return, might ask, “Isn’t forgiveness supposed to be unconditional?”  Well, according to idealistic gurus it is, and that would be just dandy if we were perfect human beings. We’re not.

The truth is that forgiveness is conditioned on better behavior in the future. It chaps my hide that so many people think saying, “I’m sorry” is a cure-all that entitles the transgressor to immediate and unconditional forgiveness. That may have worked in kindergarten when you grabbed another kid’s crayon and were forced to give it back with an equally forced apology, but it doesn’t work in grown-up life.

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Hi Maryanne,

I’m having some very painful times right now, due to not following your really great advice in your workshop…I wondered if I could ask you something? I’m having a bit of an ethical dilemma.

A friend set me up with this man, a well-known philanthropist; we’ll call him Giles Dawson. Because my girlfriend vetted him, so to speak, and because I spent some time with him and began to trust him, I decided to spend the night with him. I mentioned using a condom, and he said, “I’ve been tested, I am healthy.” Stupid, stupid me. A few days later I got a virulent herpes infection, and I’ve never, ever had an STD or even a yeast infection. I am paying big time now. When I confronted him he refused to let me see the results of the said tests, or let my doctor have access to them. Speaks volumes, albeit in Hindsight!

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Anneliese Asked:

“My ex-boyfriend and I have known each other four years now and next month would be our three year anniversary. From the beginning, I haven’t been a very good partner and have cheated on him twice. At one point, we were engaged but eventually broke up due to my second affair. Although he has lied to me in the past about certain things, to my knowledge he has never cheated. He has forgiven me for all the things that I have done to him but inevitably has become a bit disillusioned and does not trust me. I am trying to gain his trust back but I also do not trust him because of the times he has lied to me (which have been about two or three times). Lately we’ve been arguing a lot but have every intention to try things out again when I get back home from studying abroad. What troubles me now is that he insists that I will have to trust him “the hard way” meaning he refuses to give me any of his passwords to any of his accounts because he says he has been faithful from the very beginning and that this time around he wants to do things differently than in the past. He says this because he believes that by having given me everything I wanted in the past, things didn’t work out well and now believes he needs to change the way in which he does things between us. Could he be lying or is he truly trying to make things work out? I know he truly cares about and loves me because no guy in his right mind would still be around after all the things I’ve done. However, I’m afraid that he might just be too comfortable being with me. Please help!”

- Anneliese (19)

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