“my question is that i love this one girl but she is of a different culture, i am indian and my parents are really traditional and want me to get an arranged marriage, i really dont think this is best for me, the girl i love is african and i want to be with her and hopefully get marriaged to her, but she doesn’t want me to disobey my parents she wants there acceptance, what do i do please help me.”

- Bob (19)

“Hello my name is Matthew and I am 20 year old student. I meet this girl Nikita last year in the halls I now live in, she lives just above me. We had a love hate kind of friendship and would often tease each other a lot sometime a bit too much I must admit. And then last december from out of the blue she said that she liked me very much, and I felt very flattered. Things seemed to progress a bit more to the point that we spent a lot of time together. And then suddenly on December night we got very intimate. And since she is of Indian background their culture has certain norms. Like arranged marriage, no sex before marriage etc. etc. You guys probably know the drill. Then came christmas break and we did not see each other, and when second term started.

Somehow things just picked up. We ended up sleeping beside each other every night and continue to do so. We spend almost an unhealthy amount of time together. We do everything together. I have to admit I like it and I know she does too. Of course there have been some rough fights but I reckon that is part of entering a new stage and acclimatizing.

My feelings started to grow more and more and she was trying to suppress her feelings because of her background and that her father would never accept me. And at Valentine’s day I showed by planning a fun and romantic day and of course at the end of the day I told her that I truly loved her and she was breath-taken and literally speechless.

Then things took a U-turn and she said that she doesn’t want anything with me and naturally I got rather hurt since we had literally been living together for some time now. And I asked why and what her reasons where and she said because “we can never be, my family will never accept you” (the reason for that, I would discover is that her father is suffering from kidney cancer and she does not want to disappoint him, she feels that she never gave enough to her mother and does not want to feel that same about her father when he passes away). And she valued me a lot and asked if we could just be friends? And I said no, I do not want to be on the sidelines. So you will have to make a choice. It was a very emotional night. I told her this and then left her room to sleep in mine. 5 minutes later she found herself in my room with her arms around me completely in tears.

Sorry for the long background information, but my situation is rather complicated.

This relationship I have with her is in the grey zone it feels like. I am ok with the public not know about us and I understand her reasons, or rather I accept them. But sometimes she says “we are just friends” which in that case would be friends with benefits. And I told her I dont want friends with benefits I want us to be us and we will take things as they come. And then she’d say that she never wants to lose me and that she wants me part of her life for ever (rather immature talk, I think?).

So my question is should I stick with her or should I move on?

Thanks a million!”

- Matthew (20)

Lynn likes black guys

Lynn really likes black guys, she has never had much success with white guys. Her mother is not very pleased that for the last 10 years, she has been bringing home the wrong color . Thank GOD Lynn does not listen to her mother… Why does Lynn break this cultural Taboo in the city of Detroit, One of the most racist places in the US? Lynn feels that she is far more appreciated by black guys. She has a bit more junk in the trunk, which she feels is not very appreciated by whities. If Lynn goes into a bar she feels that a much higher quality black guy will talk to her than a white guy. Since Lynn does not fit the Barbie physique, she does not feel confident around the guys that hold this up as their ideal.

The dork finally gets the girl

Japan is a heaven for geeky guys. Endless streams of dorky Western guys get their first girlfriend in Japan. Although some of them go a little Austin Powers on the place and don’t know when to stop! There is a pretty funny cartoon about this in a popular Japanese magazine for foreigners. It is about a geeky guy in Japan that becomes CHARISMA MAN!!!, his arch enemy is the WESTERN GIRL… In japan Charisma Man is complemented for his physique when in his home country he was ridiculed. He is told he looks like Brad Pitt when he more closely resembles Forest Gump. He is popular for once in his life only fearing that his arch enemy Western Girl might force him back in the box from whence came.

Barbie is pissed

It was strange to see an average guy become a superstar in Japan but even more fascinating, to see a pretty girl become average. For most guys this was delightful… Barbie was no longer desired, in fact Barbie couldn’t even get a date! This inevitably drives a lot of girls out of Japan desperately wanting the attention they originally had in their home country. So why didn’t the western girls date the Japanese guys? Good question! This is where their Ken doll image of the perfect guy failed them. The Japanese guys tended to not be as large or tall as westerners. They were very polite and often not masculine enough for western girls. Often Japanese men were very intimidated by western girls and were terrified to ask them out. This is a horrible shame.

Sharon breaks the rules

Sharon was a very cool girl… She and I become good friends when I first moved to Japan. She was one of the few girls not bitter about western guys choosing Japanese girls. Sharon was smart, she realized that she was ignoring a vast resource of men by focusing on westerners only. The major problem was that Sharon was a bit bigger than the Japanese girls. She was model tall and had a full figure. Sharon wanted to be with a bigger guy to make her feel more feminine, (understandable but not necessary!) She was brilliant in finding the solution… Sharon boldly started visiting the local fire station where the men were much taller and beefier than the typical guy. The firefighters where excited and baffled at this tall large breasted western girl giving them attention! She was instantly rolling in men… She was invited to many fire fighter functions and eventually married one of them.

Trout or Bass?

Imagine that you are a fisherman and the most popular fish to catch is bass. There are a lot of other fishermen fishing for bass too and the competition is high. You might catch one or two bass on a good day but it is barely enough to feed you. One day the wind kicks up and you are blown into a new area. Suddenly you catch a trout! and another, and another!! You now have 10 fish in your bucket. You take out a trout and look at it. It is not as big as a bass but it has it’s own qualities. You eat the trout and it is very good, the flavor is different but still delicious! If you are smart you say “screw bass!” I like trout!

Break the norm

The guy is short, thin, bald, black, white, Asian, a garbage man, a computer geek. So what…!!! If you are valued by someone not the norm embrace this!! This is your trout, it may make other people uncomfortable but this is your life not theirs.

• If you are in a lake of hungry trout why are you demanding bass?
• In a sea of trout finding a great one is much easier than in a pond of bass
• Did you like coffee the first time? That different guy is the same
• Your happiness is far more important than your families/friend’s discomfort

Many people believe that dating people who share your ethnicity is one of the surest ways to find compatibility that works over the long-term. This belief is not simply folk wisdom – it’s actually been supported by psychology studies that focus on romantic longevity. As I think about Barack Obama’s recent presidential election speech which provided a beacon of hope and unity, I wondered for a moment if dating within your ethnicity is a little outdated.

I believe that sticking to a hard and fast rule about ethnicity in dating is not necessarily the most effective way to approach finding a partner. More than anything, men and women must focus on emotional compatibility above all else. I hate to think that someone could rule out the possibility of developing a relationship with someone simply on the basis of ethnicity alone.

Here, however, is one caveat to consider: the degree to which you identify with the history and customs of your ethnicity and its culture. You may be someone whose family encourages you to find a partner of the same ethnicity, who practices many of the rituals or customs of your culture consistently, and who values that your unborn child shares your exact ethnicity. If this is the case, it may be difficult for your relationship down the road if you marry outside of your ethnicity. My ultimate point, in your case, is that it is at least worth looking at the reasons why you only want to date within your ethnicity – you want to be sure the decisions you make in partner selection will be good for you over the long haul.

On the other hand, a great many people have an ethnic background that they do not so highly identify with. There’s nothing wrong with being either type of person – you simply have to know which one you are as you seek out the right romantic partner for you. I hear a lot of people say things like “but you can’t control who you fall in love with!” The truth is that it’s not necessarily wise to let yourself fall in love with anyone as if you have no control over your feelings.

It is very important to get a certain amount of information about prospective partners before letting yourself fall emotionally for them. As a rule, I don’t believe you need to stick to dating individuals who share your ethnicity unless you are highly identified with your culture’s customs and practices, and feel strongly that being with someone of another ethnicity would contradict strongly held values. However, you need to give someone a chance in order to learn certain things about him or her. For this reason, it may be wise to open yourself up and have an initial conversation with anyone – regardless of ethnicity.