Some have it and some do not…Gaydar…the ability to sense what another’s sexual preference might be. Haven’t you ever heard someone say, “I have great gaydar! I can tell that person is gay because of this reason…” I would have to admit that my gaydar must be broken! The only way I detect someone is gay, is if they admit it. Or if they are overly masculine women or very effeminate men. But this rule does not always apply and is not a great way to distinguish someone’s sexuality.

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Marvin Asked:

“I moved in to this lovely home as a room mate, The owner fell in love with me the very first night I came to see the place, we hung out a few times, then it developed up to a point where we were inseparable. he had a partner while we where seeing each other, he said whatever happens happens, i made him so happy he knows that he had found his match, one night me and my lover and his official partner all when out to meet their friends birthday party that led to finish in a club. Well while I was probably out and about his partner confronted him and admitted the truth that him and I as in a relationship. so all of this spilled out while I was gone. Here’s the dilemma, now that he is finally free, he had some thoughts about us, first of all his 9 yr relationship with his partner is like this; never lived together, never shows affection to my lover, and they rarely have sex or some intimate relationship. Now he wants to be alone for a while to balance himself out, It hurts me to see him like this that I can’t help him at all but to be quite and back off, How can I be balance when I see him this way, it kills me in side and I don’t know what to do, I can’t sleep at night when he is not beside me, I cry my self to sleep, I am uneasy most of the day because he used to send me messages every morning, now that is gone, is he going to heal sometime and not ignore me anymore, should I just leave him alone and be on my merry way, and know that I let this one go please help I am in pain so much pain my heart hurts so bad every time I think about it.”

- Marvin (Male, 32, San Diego)

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As a lesbian nearing 30 years of being out, I finally felt compelled to write an article about bi-sexual women and to put a different spin on the ongoing debates about them. There are those who embrace them and those who dismiss them as soon as the word bisexual is uttered. I find there are as many different types of bisexuals as there are lesbians. Each woman coming with their own unique thoughts and ideas about what being a bisexual is.

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In a 3 part series of articles, entitled “For The Love Of A Lady”, I have been writing a story about a woman I have been dating. In part 1, I reproduced a heartfelt letter after she had called off the relationship, then in part 2, I discussed my fears and the opinions of friends. And now in part 3, I reveal her answer, after an unbearable 10 days of silence…

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Funny, how words and dreams can get mixed up and make the real world seem somehow unreal. How many times can we put our hearts out there for one more chance and when do we just quit trying? There will always be etched memories of the past that find their way into out daily thoughts. But how is it that, it actually keeps us at times from living the life we dream? I have once again discovered love but yet, is it just an illusion or is this finally the real thing? The physical attraction and love is there and it’s real…the familiarity of kindred spirits is rare, but when it happens….every moment is precious. She possesses something I have always dreamed of, when she is at my side I have no more need for dreams. So as life continues to unfold…I try once more try to put things into perspective with Part 2 of…”All For The Love Of A Lady.”

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Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do? Do you ever wonder if only I had said the right words she might have stayed? In my recent search for Cinderella, I came across a special lady, who called to my heart like no other had in a very long time. All the lights were green for this new love to become the epitome of what I had always been searching for. But you know fear can be a beast that is hard to tame and can often leave us wondering what if? So the letter that follows is my attempt to fight back the beast that appeared seemingly out of nowhere to throw a monkey wrench into this budding new love.

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Here’s the deal. Most of us approach relationship like drunken sailors, intoxicated with the ideas and fantasies we have about relationship as opposed to the sobering reality of them, and desperate (or lonely, as the case may be) like your ship has just come in—or is about to leave port. Not a great strategy if you want a great relationship.

So, get a piece of paper and write these things down:
1)First, what do you want? (spell it out)
2)What are you willing to do about it?

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Reader’s, if you recall from last month’s issue? I had met a straight lady, who after consuming a lot of alcohol had been caught in a moment of indiscretion! After declaring her feelings of curiosity to me, she left me like the proverbial Cinderella with the imaginary glass slipper in my hand.

Until we were to meet again at our usual Ladies night out, I had a week to ponder these questions and wonder how I should approach her on the subject. I should mention for the purpose of the story, that I am an out lesbian and that I am comfortable in my own skin. Cindy on the hand, is more of a lipstick lady, who you would never know was gay unless she admitted it. But the chemistry between us, was off the charts and invariably Tequila was the catalyst!

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In search of Cinderella held captive in those very words is just one version of a story about the “happily ever after.” You never know when the magical hour is going to strike or if like the fairytale, the illusion is destined to last but for a few hours or a lifetime. Though your vision of Cinderella and mine might be totally different, the basic essence remains the same. Over the course of our brief lives, we will feel it, hold it, breathe it, crave it, etc… Do you know what it is?… Love…Passion…Desire…These are the things that have sustained die hard romantics for years nay for thousands of years! So with each waking day I find myself…” In Search Of Cinderella!”

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As a lesbian I have been approached more then once by the “Curious” straight girl…usually it is after they have consumed large amounts of adult beverages that allows them to let their guard down enough to express what they all want to know…What is it like to be with another woman?” It is in this moment of intoxication that they somehow find the courage to approach either a girlfriend or a known lesbian throwing caution to the wind any inhibition about their curiosity! I’m sure this might have happened to some of you? Wouldn’t it be nice, if just once before they were drunk, they could just see that it’s not about being straight or gay? It is just that the person brings about feelings in you that you did not know existed and sometimes it just comes down to old fashion chemistry! So after a night of heavy drinking out with friends…here is a story about the straight girl caught in a moment of indiscretion…

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