Group Sex Questions: Good or Bad?

Did you know you are 32 times LESS likely divorced if you were born and raised in Sri Lanka than if you were born in the US? Interesting, yes? Did you also know that before Sri Lankans marry they have their compatibility charts done?  Pretty progressive, right? Why, with our failure rate so dismal, would we continue to rely on chemistry? We have already proven (see Dr. Helen Fisher’s latest studies) that just because someone turns you on doesn’t mean they will make a good life partner, parent or mate. So, why do we keep on falling for it?

The answer according to my friend, sociobiologist Rebecca Costa, is—because we can. The good news is, we don’t have to! If what she is saying is true, evolution has (maybe for the first time in history) become a choice. We can choose to use that part of our brain which is just sitting there waiting for those of us who want to move towards the phenomenal rather than settle for the mediocre. I say, let’s give evolution a chance! Watch out Viagra and Larry Flint…and say hello to my little friend (who is free, by the way—sorry, GlaxoSmithKlein), Consciousness.

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Bob Asked:

“my question is that i love this one girl but she is of a different culture, i am indian and my parents are really traditional and want me to get an arranged marriage, i really dont think this is best for me, the girl i love is african and i want to be with her and hopefully get marriaged to her, but she doesn’t want me to disobey my parents she wants there acceptance, what do i do please help me.”

- Bob (19)

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Inamess Asked:

“A couple of years ago, 2.5 to be exact, my girlfriend discovered pornography in belongings that were stored at the storage facility, as I had recently moved in with her, and had no room for my stuff. I had no knowledge of her discovery, as she decided to go through my belongings without my knowledge. Trying to discover dirt on me, I guess. This did not surface immediately, as it took about a month for her to confront me about it. I was honest, told her that it had accumulated over the years from friends who had moved on. She didn’t believe me, accusing me of purchasing these items. This went on for months, until I finally lied, and said I bought them all. This didn’t change anything, and I finally told her that I had lied about buying the videos, hoping that it would put an end to this. So since I’ve been caught having the items in my possession, it’s been a never ending argument with her over the years. I’ve since ended friendships with my female friends, as she believes male and females CANNOT be friends, as this may lead to a relationship, I no longer hang with my male friends, because she believes they may steer me in the wrong direction, and now she’s accusing me of going to strip clubs during my work day. Not to mention we received SPAM in our joint email account, and accused me engaging in some sort of relationship with this individual. It was quickly difused, as we received something vary similar a day later, from a different addressee. My only freedom right now is coming to work, and home (prison). HELP!”

- Inamess (36)

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Crystal Asked:

“My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for four years in February. We have broken up about four times and have tried to date other people but we always end up coming back to each other. I like to hang out with my friends but he wants me to give him all of my time. He wants to be the center of my attention every second of every day. And he also wants me to give up something big to prove to him that I love him. I do not want to think about marriage or children, but he wants to marry me and have children with me, I am a very stubborn person and while I am young I do not want to have to think about marriage I just want to have fun. I experiment with different hair styles and hair color (just brown and black) and he cannot stand it. He hates change, and I thrive for it. I am an artist and see my body as a blank canvas so I also want to experiment with piercings, and tatoos but he threatened he would break up with me if I did, I do not see what is wrong with them. I want to live life to the fullest and I feel trapped and guilty for wanting the things that make me happy. I am in love with him but all of these minor problems are making me miserable. I believe that love is enough, but he does not… he wants me to prove it, but I am not going to change or give up anything…Is that wrong of me?”

- Crystal (17)

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Ryan Asked:

“I’m dating a girl. We have been together for over a year. We fought all the time and eventually, just before the one year mark, I broke up with her. Reason being, I met a girl in college that I couldnt get out of my head. So I broke up with her and started seeing the new girl. Eventually, the new girl and I stopped seeing each other and my ex and I got back together. We moved in together and lately Ive been feeling very unhappy. She is not so girly, kinda tom boyish, and she used to date girls when she was younger. I am a short guy, 5′5 and im not very tough, kinda a gamer, indoors nerdy type. Lately, Ive been very unhappy. Ive also stopped having sex with her, strange for a guy I know, but I almost kinda hoped she would get bored and cheat on me, getting me off the hook. She is head over heels for me, and crys and crys and crys anytime I talk about ending it. Today, I finally snapped. I told her its not working….honestly, we dont have anything deep in common, we both like music, but completely diff. types of music. we both like food, but completely diff. types of food, we argue over any deep conversation. I feel very confident alone, and I have gone many many years alone, and without sex or relationships, and feel very comfortable alone, a lil lonely, but OK. She crys and crys and cant seem to be without me. I feel like shes not really in love with me, just scared to be alone, even tho she swears she just loves me and really wants to be with me. although every time we fight, which is alot, she says she hates me, Im an asshole, im selfish, etc….btw, her best friend in the world is a guy, better looking than me, big muscles, he models, and hes very strong, tough, dark, not sooo smart though. I find myself especially attracted to really girly girls, not extremely bright girls, who make me feel tough, strong, smart, and manly….SHE always challenges my intelligence, strength, manhood, just cuz she is just as smart as me and she is a very tough, tom boyish girl. so basically, I want a girlier girl,even though most girlier girls I date dont work out. she wants to be girlier and wants more than anything to be with me….what do I do? Am I wrong to want a girlier girl who makes me feel strong, smart manly? I keep telling her she should find a stronger, more manly smart guy, or maybe go back to dating girls…I dont know. She really wants to be with me, and she is very good to me, and makes me happy, except I never feel manly with her. I find myself talking in baby talk, becomming girly, simply to balance. I hate that…Its not me. I am from the south and grew up very old school, where the man is a man and the woman is submissive to her man, although I am very pro-modern era, and want a woman who has her own job, her own goals and carreer, and I have my own. Although she seems to only want to be a housewife, no carreer, just kids and loving to husband. I want a girly girl who looks to her strong smart husband to lead at home, but has her own carreer focus and is ok with or without me. what do I do? please help. we live together,so its not easy to split up, so need some advice. she IS good to me though, and I will miss her if I end it. But, Im tired of competing with her..whos tougher,whos smarter, who wears the pants?”

- Ryan (25, Anaheim, CA)

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Jarrod Asked:

“After two months of dating, my girlfriend complained that I never told her that I loved her. To me, two months isn’t too soon to say that, but it does seem a bit early to worry that nobody has said it. But that’s not my problem. I had planned to surprise her with a trip to Houston to see a museum she’d mentioned that she always wanted to visit, way back when we started dating, with reservations at her favorite restaurant there, where I’d let her know how much she meant to me. But now, she’s pretty much said that if I do tell her I love her, she would wonder whether it was because she complained. The timing is frustrating, and I am even a bit (maybe unreasonably) mad at her for preemptively sabotaging a gesture that I wanted to mean something to both of us. I want to save this relationship, but I don’t know what I can do at this point to make her believe my sincerity.” - Jarrod (32, Sugarland, Texas) … read more

Private jokes. Code words. Shorthand ways of communicating. It’s part of what makes a couple a couple. To hubby Dale and me, for instance, “not pregnant” means “don’t make assumptions.” Here’s how that one came about . . .

We were on the way to an afternoon matinee. I was driving my hot Mustang, chatting and not paying attention when Wham! I rear-ended a van. We pulled into a parking lot. I went to the driver’s side. Dale ran to the other side. He yanked the door open, then said to the large female passenger, “Oh, my God, you’re really pregnant!” She wasn’t.

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Ryan Asked:

“my girl friend is a skatter and its like at times she rather skate or skate with her ex(he tought her how to skate) then to be with me should i be worried.”

- Ryan (21, Lodi, CA)

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B-rad Asked:

“I am really good friends with this girl and would like to take it to the next level. She has some reservations about this because of her son. She is afraid to get close to anybody as they have already had one man walk out, and she doesn’t want him to have another walk out on him. Is there anything that I can do to better show her that I don’t have any intentions of getting close only to walk out.”

- B-rad (25)

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By Maryanne Comaroto

“NO” is one of those words that most women have difficulty uttering for fear we will not be liked or loved, yet sometimes it is the very word that is a door between us and what we really want. Think about it for a minute, and you will see that “No” sometimes means you might have avoided some unnecessary discomfort, even pain and suffering. Practically speaking, NO is the sound that your body makes when it contracts, and it’s a natural reflex. It’s when we override this inner wisdom that we get into trouble.

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