“Ok my fiancee and I have been together 3 yrs.  Im divorced because of domestic violence, I have been through many traumatic experiences throughout my life..I have adhd, ocd and ptsd and Im hypothyroid.
It took my fiancee a while for me to trust him. He comes from a marriage where he was cheated on…he got separated and met someone else. He feels guilty about not being able to be physically there for his kids like he would like…that is our background. Now, we recently had a daughter and 1 1/2 months after giving birth I found out he had been looking at personal ads on craigslist…I forgave him since he admitted its an addiction and he told me I could go through his email and phone whenever I wanted.

BUT he keeps responding to ads and even sending pictures and saying he is married. It just hurts so much specially since he knows what I have been through since we have a daugher and that didnt stop him. He has talked to his therapist but I wonder how he tells him. My fiancee says he failed me and doesnt deserve me and I feel that’s part of the issue: his insecurity. He opened a whole new world of hurt on me and Im angry since he got me to trust him…for this?? Even my family gave me their back because Im not married to him. He is an ex felon maybe thats where his guilt comes in also? Since we have been together he received a call (in my presence) where he was told he had a love child (well he was separated at the moment the child was conceived separation confirmed by his older daughter) which adds to his guilt and my fear now . But my fear is even though he was separated he might cheat on me w her bcause he keeps contact with her because of their child I dont like that they talk about things other than the child (emails) again because of the personal ads. He says he has never actually met anyone in the ads…but he keeps hiding and erasing the emails. I truly love this man and he is loving and caring…just great in every other aspect. What do I do?”

- TrustingHeart (32, Nevada)

“I have found myself unable to stop making abusive comments to my girlfriend, I used to think that she was being over sensitive and it was only my way of being playful. However on reflection I do not think this was relevant because essentially I do not want to hurt her.  Also I used to think that I was seeking her approval by trying to make her laugh but this does not make sense and now I feel that I am a bully because I could not stop myself from belittling her, ultimately like an addiction. I have parted with my girlfriend to reflect and figure out what I need to do to change my behaviour, that because being a recovered alcoholic I firmly believe is possible.”

- John (33, Flagstaff, Arizona, USA)

“we been talking for a year. Things were complicated because it seemed as if he had a issue moving foward with me. He claimed he really liked me and didn’t want to be friends 0. Never has he made an effort to spend time with me. I talked to him about it and now he claims he doesn’t want me to move on,but needs sometime to think. He says attracted to the person I am.he agres to finish our convo when he calls back but then I don’t hear from him in a month. He recently calls I ignore then call back a day later and its been a week and hasn’t called back.”

- Lauren (22, Dallas)

“My boyfriend watches ALOT of porn, which doesn’t bother me at all. My problem is that he is somewhat inexperienced and seems to think real sex should be like it is in porn movies…multiple and uncomfortable positions, lasting for hours, etc. How do I tell him that I don’t like this without damaging his ego? I’ve tried using guidance in the bedroom but he just goes back to what he thinks is good.”

- Alicia (31)

“i met an older guy (11 years older, i’m 20) at work 3 months ago and developed feelings for him, and he acted like he felt the same. i caught him staring/smiling at me, he was touchy feely, always coming to see/talk to me etc, but since i left a month ago, he’s not spoken to me an awful lot and i haven’t seen him. i told him i like him 5 days ago and he hasn’t responded. i don’t mind either way but the fact that he’s ignoring me is really bothering me, what should i do?”

- Sophie (20)

“So i met this girl. I saw her in passing a few times but I never had a real conversation just a few hi and passing. One day she asks for my number and from there we were off. She let me know she was unhappily married and had some other things going on and didnt want to involve anyone else in her problems. however we talked constantly, always flirting, she tells me I’m the first thing she thinks about and how she thinks im cute. Well we were suppose to go out for drinks on her day off and she waits until the last minute to tell me that she’s not putting drinking and spending time with me over skyoing her husband. Ok fine so I told her she should have let me know that earlier. So I stop by her room at like 1 in the morning just to make sure we were ok. She told me we was and then the next day messages me and tells me dont show up at her door anymore and basically to stop talking to her. What happened and what should I do from here?”

- Cassidy (21, Dover, DE)

“This guy i met trough internet, and now we are having s long distance relationship. But nothing goes right… sometimes he is good to me sometimes he is not…he says he wants to be with me and he only wants me…but we keep fighting around little and stupid stuff…he keeps coming back and apologizing and i keep taking him back… ever time we talk on the phone he says that he is crazy about my voice and that he cant help his self and he masturbates everytime he hears me talking…i dont know what to do, how to handle this situation? sometimes i think he loves me but sometimes i feel like he is just using me?”

- She (21)

“hi – i just broke up with my fiance of 15 years in july2011- we have a son of 11- he went to work uk in nov 2010 and in july 2011 came home and broke up wth me-he said i dont think   i really ever loved u and cant see my self ever marring u – i still find u very attractive- and maybe we can always have our little thing together!– so he has come home a few times to see his son and due to him staying in family home- i am silll liven in famiy home due to financial circustances– we have been together- i guess only sexually to him–i guess im still in love with him and am findin it hard to move on— but why would he try to be with me– i think i know the answers to these questions– ie he wants his cake and eats it– hes selfish- he just needs sex -the july prior to him leaving  i did something bad to hurt him as he hadnt been treating me very well– he was a builder all his life and earned good money and due to recession took work bouncin in local niteclub- when he finished at 2am he sat and drank at bar till 6am or even later 8am 10am- of coure at first i thought he was messin around but did go a few times to pick him up and generally he was just having the crack chatting ad excessively drinking- he admitted he was lonely and was out searching for that miss right– i could write and wrte – prop need to get counselling as ireally feel fucked up about this- lonely – the thought of been a lonely parent- i miss him- i know he wsnt good for me—- but why does he do that- come on to me and we end up in bed?–

why is he using me- why did i not see this years ago- why did i let it go on for years- why am i so afraid – six months have passed- tryin to be positive

- Orla (38, Ireland)

“I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a guy while on vacation in Turkey for about 1.5 years. At first, I was totally against it and he wasn’t even my type and I rejected him but as I got to know him, I saw that he was a good person, career oriented, and really seemed to like me. He comes to visit me in the States and I visited him a couple times in Istanbul. The problem is, I am due to move to Turkey to live to be closer to him, as his job is more lucrative and I can easily relocate and work. However, I am having doubts about the relationship. He comes from a traditional family and he is keen to marry and have lots of kids. I’m not even sure if that is what I want right now. We don’t have a a ton of stuff in common and I feel like I”m just settling for him because I think I’m 27 and should be getting married soon. I broke up with him once before but we got back together after we talked about it. Whenever I express any doubts he always says he will do whatever he can to make me happy, and I know he is not lying, but I just have a feeling there may be someone better for me but I am afraid to break up with him and be alone. I don’t know if it’s the distance creating these problems (when I’m with him, things go well) or if I’m not just in love with him. any advice?”

- Krisna (27, US)

“I’ve been living with two girls in a shared house for about 4 months now. I became very close with one of the girls and we eventually started holding hands and ended up sleeping together several times. She has told me she doesn’t want a major relationship and although I feel the same to some extent I am a bit confused as to where I stand. We still hold hands and cuddle up and make out most days but it seems like its always me putting in the first move. She never pushes me away though or says she doesn’t want it which is confusing for me. She works full time and when she gets home she does her own things so I only really get to see her briefly before she gets to sleep. I’m worried because she doesn’t really seem to be giving me as much time as I am willing to give her. We consider each other really good friends but I do want a bit more and considering she doesn’t push me away when I’m  being affectionate I think she does too. What are your thoughts? Where do you think I stand?”

- John (25, Boston MA)