Beth Asked:

“I’m in a long distance relationship with my girl for almost 2 years and 3 times she has told to get the home ready she was moving to me. Everytime family members on her side either get sick, go to hospital, or pass away. I have spent so much money and have given so many things away to make room so now all i do is wait. She is caring for her ex and I know about this but he plays on her with the kids is she ever going to leave. She is so unhappy but having problems trying to transfer her job too. What can I do other then wait this out? The one thing now is the phone calls are alot less and I don’t hear from her but she tells me less then 2 weeks ago that I’m the love of her life and that I have her heart. I have tried to send gifts all of the time to her and her kids and support her as much as I can because we live in different towns. her town is not gay friendly at all. Is there anything I can do? she is very close to her family and tries to save the world type of thing. with all of their problems but I feel I’m on the back burner with this. Thanks”

- Beth (54, Kentucky)

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It’s true. A lot of women have a “sexual waiting period” when it comes to a new guy she just met. She doesn’t want to give it up too soon, fearing he might not respect her afterward, or that maybe he’ll LEAVE her once he gets it, etc.

Now, this by ITSELF is nothing new. We ALL know women do this. Heck, you might be a woman reading this NOW who does this. Again, it’s nothing new. However, what IS new, is the information I’m going to share with you in this article. Not only is it TOTALLY DIFFERENT from everything you’ve ever thought BEFORE, but it ALSO raises some brand new QUESTIONS. So read on.

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Two questions:

• Why do made-for-each-other love bugs butt heads, step on each others toes, and get their wires crossed?
• In a “discussion” with your sweetie, have you ever said something like, “Well, in my book [fill in the blank].”

The answer to the second question is sure you have. The answer to the first question is this:

The “book” you’re referring to is the unique and complex mix of your preferences, opinions, priorities, standards, points of view, and sensitivities, all shaped by your DNA, upbringing, education, life’s experiences, religious or philosophical training, culture, and self-perception. It’s the guide for how you navigate life and it’s the standard by which you determine if others are flying right. In the context of your relationship, I call this your Foreplay Navigator™. We all have one.

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Leo Asked:

“hello! I (age 30) broke up with my ex girlfriend (age 30) almost 2 moths ago. we were together for a year. She really loves me and she wanted to marry me. I just wasn’t that warm because of some personal things. When she asked me to break up i agreed but we still had contact. She broke up with me because I was not as warm as she was. I was wrong not to ask her to wait and open up and tell her i’m just not myself now because of some problems. very fast she got involved with a new guy (maybe a rebound?) and made it clear to me it’s over. Anyway, i told her how i feel about her and showed her my love, told her im ok now (she sees that also) and we can be everything we wanted to be. I even showed her the ring I bought her and was planning to give to her. And that was all. I didnt persue her at all. We met a few days ago and spent 5 hours together doing silly things and having fun. We spoke a bit about us but she says she is now somewhere else and the usual that she loves me and all. I encouraged her relationship telling her i want her to be happy. We met again today for an hour and i flirted a tiny little bit with her and she did seem open to it. I can tell she loves me and still is attracted to me. She even tells me I look hansom. She now thinks I am getting into something new and i can tell she is a bit jealous. I love this girl and I am ready to give her what she wants. I just dont know how to act now. We do have fun together a lot but should I keep meeting with her and flirt with her or shall I maybe go no contact for a bit and make her miss “us”? I do make her laugh a lot and that makes me happy! Thanks a lot!”

- Leo (30, Greece)

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Robert Asked:

“My girlfriend and I have a serious relationship together. She thinks I’m cheating on her even though I am not cheating on her. She also have been trying to find ways to track my cell phone or track my text messages. She’s now questioning if I am bi or not. She did all this without talking to me as I found this out. What do I do and why is she doing this? I am not cheating on her, nor am I bi and I have nothing to hide. I love her very much.”

- Robert (30, Lakewood, CO USA)

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By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

I recently watched The Marriage Ref which premiered earlier this month. According to Wikipedia.com, the premise of the show involves real life couples who have been having an on-going fight for a long time. A video clip is shown to the three-member celebrity panel, showing both sides of the argument. The panel then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right.

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Adam Asked:

“My girlfriend and I have been dating on and off for 2 1/2 years. She is 29 and I am 30. The relationship she was in before lasted 6 years and was the only one she had been in prior to ours. He was 27 and she was 20 when they met. They broke up many times as well as walked away from an engagement. She was not completely honest about her feelings for him when we began dating and because of that She has never let go of him and vice versa. Although he does not live near us and I am sure she has not physically cheated on me she continues to keep an open dialog with him that pushes the boundaries of platonic friendship. When confronted about this she has lied about their communicating on more than one occation. I think that they use each other as an emotional fallback when they are in need of attention. It has become such a problem that by not ending the communication I doubt she truly respects me and my position on the subject. She has tried to stop texting and emailing him but eventually it starts up again. He is also in a new relationship and is not honest with his partner either. I am starting to doubt her morals and feel truly disrespected.”

- Adam (30, Kansas City, MO)

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Brian Asked:

“My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years. We have a 19 month old little girl who we both adore. We have had very little time away from our little girl since she was born and my wife refuses to take some alone time and let the little one stay the night with either of our parents who she trusts. We have had several speed bumps since Christmas. I thought things were getting better “slowly” but last week all of a sudden she told me she felt numb and felt like we were 2 people living under the same roof. This came after a week that i thought was pretty good. Last week i also thought was really good then this weekend she totally put up a wall. I have told her several times that i need her to be more affectionate like she was when we first got married. She will not hug, kiss, hold hands, cuddle, ect… anymore and that was what i missed. She tells me she wants things to get back to the way they were but will not tell me what she thinks we need to do to get there. I have been trying everything i know to do but nothing seems to work. We have not had sex in a month and only 3 times in the last 3 months none of which i felt like she was into. Her family has a long history of divorce and i am afraid she has that on her mind where no one in my family has divorced. The thought of that kills me because we have been happy until recently and also because i can not imagine living away from my little girl. I have asked several times that she go to counseling with me but she refuses. I have been 1 time by myself but she will not go with me. I am out of ideas and really need some advise on how to get her to open up and try to get better. She is a very pessimistic person and i am an optimist. I feel like we would quickly get better if she would try but do not know how to get her to knock that wall down. I have sent cards, flowers, gifts, taken her stuff to eat and drink at work but nothing seems to work. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.”

- Brian (35, Elk City, Ok)

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You’re annoyed. It’s your sweetheart’s fault. Sometimes, just as you’re about to open your mouth, you hear that little voice, that aggravatingly-always-right little voice, that says, “Keep it zipped.” Ignoring that voice (aka your intuition) will get you into trouble every time. It pays to listen. But what if that little voice stays silent? How do you know when to speak up and when to keep it zipped?

You’re conflicted. Your sweetheart wants to do something that’s perfectly reasonable, perhaps even thoughtful, but you want something else or wish your sweetheart would behave differently.  Do you tell your sweetie or do you keep it zipped?

You’re hurt, angry or disappointed. How do you know if you should suffer in silence or speak up?

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Donald Asked:

“So I work with this girl that I can’t take my mind off of. I don’t really work closely with her on a daily basis, but we work in the same building. I did some work for her the other day, and when she asked me how much she owed me for my time, I said I’d like to take her out to dinner. To which she replied “dinners not a problem, but the “what if” could be a problem”. I interjected that her boyfriend might not approve, to test the waters and see how she responded to try and determine if she indeed does have a boyfriend and she basically just repeated what she said before. At this time I more or less changed the subject because I didn’t know what to say. I’m really interested in this girl. This girl has a small child from another relationship, which I feel she may be concerned with picking the right person to let into their lives and maybe that’s why she sort of rejected me. I try to talk to her almost daily and I often can’t concentrate on my own job because I know she’s in the building and maybe if I have a chance to see her I might be able to say the right thing and strike up her interest in me. I really would like to find a way to resolve this by either asking her again or just plain out asking if she is interested in me at all, so If not I can move on and focus on my job the way I’m accustomed to . I need some good advice, from the females probably. I probably sound like a weirdo with this long post but I am lost and have not been on the dating scene for a number of years. Should I be persistent and pursue her further or does her “half” rejection really mean “no” and I can get on with my life?”

- Donald (28, Winnipeg)

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