Cheating Affairs can destroy a relationship. Ironically, they can also make them better. That’s not to suggest that you should have an affair to find happiness in your relationship. What I’m saying is that 82% of relationships traumatized by an affair actually get past the affair, and live happier than they did prior to the infidelity.
How can this be? It seems that no one in their right mind would consider even staying in a relationship after they find out they have been cheated on. If you ask people what they would do, the predominant answer you will get is that they would leave. But that is prior to it actually happening. Of those who have actually been cheated on, most decide to stay in the relationship. They stay because they recognize that there are other problems in the relationship that have caused their partner to stray. They are not meeting the needs of their partner.
Only when you are fully able to understand the needs of your partner are you able to save your relationship from infidelity. The way to fight of infidelity, then, is to understand your partner. To do that, you have to understand some of the basics.
People, in general, have basic needs that need to be fulfilled. When these needs are not being met, they will seek areas for them to be met. In the case of an intimate relationship, this can mean cheating. Once you understand the basic needs, you can use them to help satisfy your partner’s needs, and also dive deeper into what specifically your partner needs to feel satisfied.
Many people enter a relationship wondering what they will get, rather than what they can give. When you enter a relationship wondering what you can give, you will get what you want in return. Zig Ziglar, the great motivational speaker says, “You can have everything in life you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want.” This can be applied to your intimate relationship as well.
When you are able to give you partner what they want, they will work just as hard to make sure that you are happy. They will make you feel like you are the most important person in their life!
The basic needs that need to be satisfied are simple, you just have to understand them to satisfy. Everyone has the need for Certainty, Uncertainty, Significance, Love and Connection, Growth and Contribution. When you can figure out how to master these needs and apply them to your relationship, you can create the path to bliss, and protect your marriage from infidelity.
Certainty is what you need to make you feel comfortable. What makes you comfortable? What makes your partner comfortable? Most people, for instance, are certain that their children will love them forever, but fear their spouse could leave at any time.
Uncertainty is variety. Variety is the spice of life, right? We need variety and uncertainty to keep us energized and challenged. Without variety, we fall into a routine, a trap of boredom. We need to learn to embrace variety and the uncertain. Many people think they like surprises, but really they only like the surprises they want. They refer to the unwanted surprises as problems!
Significance is how important you feel. We all have a need to feel valued and respected. Many times, couples grow distant because a spouse is spending too much time doing something else, like working. When this happens, it can be because the working spouse feels significance at work, and at home they are not appreciated. Keep this in mind, and make your partner number one!
Love and Connection is something we all strive for. Whether you are single or committed, we seek out love and connection. Often times we have the connection, but we don’t have that love. And when we have the love, it isn’t coming from our partner.
Growth may be one of the most important needs. You have to grow to stay alive. Your relationship is like a plant; if you don’t water it and give it sunlight, it won’t grow. When it doesn’t grow, it dies. You have to strive to grow your relationship. Evolve with your partner and keep the relationship energized and lively.
Contribution is also a very significant need. Evolution has proven that when something doesn’t contribute, it is eliminated. People have the need to contribute and give to others. Accept the contributions and share with your partner what you have to give.
As you can see, many of these needs are very closely related. When you can satisfy at least 3 of these needs with one action, you will become addicted to that action. That addiction will grow with each need you can add.
Once you understand the 6 Human Needs, develop those needs and learn what your partner wants specifically. Ask your partner what elicits emotion and what emotions they feel when you say something, do something, or what name you call them. You will be shocked at what you learn.
Following these tips are essential to success in any relationship, especially an intimate one. When you feel the pure joy and euphoria from a loving partner, you can easily satisfy all 6 of the Human Needs, and you will get addicted to that euphoric feeling!
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