It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, over time, the fire can burn out like a cheap light bulb. It doesn’t have to, but when we stop stoking said fire, the passion fades and interest dwindles, leaving nothing more but smoldering ash.
Like a fire, your heart can burn, from joy to sorrow, from euphoria to doom. The choice is yours. When you fail to stoke the fire, the flames will die and the heat will cool. You will begin to doubt yourself, your love, your commitment, and your spouse.
It’s natural to feel insecure when the relationship isn’t at its peak. You know what it’s like to feel on top of the world, and when you lose that feeling, you assume your partner is sharing it with someone else. Sharing cloud nine is nothing anyone wants to do. But how do you stop these feelings you’re having?
The doubt fills your mind, your muscles ache, your head pounds and your chest tightens. Where is your spouse? Who are they with? What is my spouse doing?
It doesn’t have to be this way. I’m asked all the time, “How can I prevent an affair?” The answer lies in the question. It’s the power of the law of attraction…the secret. If you ask the question in such a negative way, you’ve already lost confidence in your relationship. You’ve already given up on stoking the fire.
The answer is to identify threats in your relationship, and to ask yourself what you can do to stop the threats from taking over. There can be endless threats to any relationship, but I think some are more important than others.
Manage Selfishness
Some selfishness can be good. But it can become a problem when you force your spouse to do something for you and threaten punishment if they refuse. This can cause a great deal of unhappiness and create animosity between the two of you.
Evaluate whether or not you have caused mental pain to your spouse by being demanding. What kinds of things have you done, and how do you do it?
Respect Your Spouse’s Opinion
Your spouse is entitled to make judgments of his or her own. Your opinion is not superior to anyone’s and should not be communicated as such. Showing a sincere interest in your spouse’s value’s can greatly enhance your relationship.
By listening to your spouse, you can actually learn from each other and enjoy stimulating conversation amongst one another.
Respond verse React
Often times, we find ourselves reacting to situations. Reacting is a negative behavior, which we learn from a young age. We need to train ourselves to respond to behaviors and actions. Responding is a more sensitive and calming way to deal with problems. It harbors healing.
If you come home and disagree with your partner by yelling and screaming, you are reacting to a situation irrationally. If you are able to talk out your problems and communicate your feelings, you are responding, and your partner will value that about you.
Honesty
Being honest is important in every relationship. Dishonesty provides false information, but more importantly, represents false impressions about what you truly feel, think, like and dislike. If you are dishonest, you are not allowing yourself to connect emotionally with your spouse.
There is nothing to be afraid of. You should be able to be honest with your spouse. It’s better to be honest and have a disagreement than to lie about who you are as a person. When your spouse finds out you are lying, it will also create insecurity on their part, and they may never be able to trust you again.
Spousal Bonding
Whenever possible, you should be sharing yourself with your spouse. Whether it’s a trip to the grocery store or a night on the town, you should be spending time with your spouse. Acting independently without consulting your spouse is a sign of disrespect.
It’s not that you need permission or you can’t be trusted, but sharing activities with your spouse shows that you care, and lets them know you would rather be with them than anyone else.
Now there are plenty of more ways to prevent an affair, but as you’ve just read, most have to do with core values in your relationship. You need to trust your spouse, communicate with them, spend time with them, and be honest with them in order to achieve marital bliss. Work on these five habits and your flame will burn eternally.
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Brandon Grittini is the founder of Relationship Solutions, LLC and the author of the popular eBook “Cheating Spouses Revealed”.
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Jack,
Thanks for the feedback. They are very simple tips. Often times we just need a reminder of how to treat each other. We sometimes take for granted what we have before us.
As far as implementing them, it can be very difficult. If there were a magic pill, I’d sell it and be a millionaire. The truth is, though, there is no pill; you have to put in a little effor to sustain a relationship.
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