One of our other experts on the site, Jim Ludwig, recently posted the first installment of an article entitled “Recognize your Listening Blocks to Improve Communication”. It’s a very fine article too: informative, well written, and offers some useful information. And it got me to thinking: not all listening blocks are necessarily a bad thing - like the “fight or flight” reflex is not a bad thing. Sometimes a listening block can be a self-defense or a self-preservation instinct coming to the fore.

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Guys & Girls: ever meet one of those people to whom you’re attracted, they’re attracted to you, but they’ve been burned before so now they want “Relationship Insurance”? It has happened to me. It’s never a good idea to go into a relationship blind, hoping for the best, believing in a Pollyanna-ish way that the sheer power of mutual attraction will be able to overcome any and all roadblocks. I’ve made the point in recent articles that healthy, solid, enduring relationships are more likely to happen when some basic things are taken care of up-front so there are no deal-breaking surprises.

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If you’re easily shocked or offended, perhaps you shouldn’t read any further. This is not Penthouse Forum, but as the title implies, it’s a frank discussion about sexuality. The intention of this article is neither to offend nor to titillate, but I don’t mince words and I don’t use a lot of euphemisms either. It’s just not possible to have a meaningful and productive discussion about sexuality if you’re not comfortable with the terminology.

So if you’re still with me thus far, then let’s go.

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So you two have made it past the dating, initial courtship, first & further physical intimacy, agreed upon exclusivity and monogamy, and now you’re ready to settle into the care, feeding, and nurturing of your nascent relationship. Cool. Happiness and fulfillment await you. That is, the odds are good if you’ve both done your homework, laid some groundwork, and made some preparations. Good relationships are not a result of carefully drawn plans and blueprints, but they don’t just “happen”either.

Some things you would think go without saying, but they don’t. It’s easy for us objective observers to see the red flags in others’ relationships, and we scratch our heads and wonder why the principles involved can’t see it. In the initial stages of a relationship we feel great, the sky’s the limit, and we don’t want to entertain the notion of pragmatism or practicality because anything like that might diminish the euphoria. And there’s nothing wrong or unnatural about feeling that way. Hell, the human race could never have gained a toehold on this planet otherwise. But those primal human responses that populated the earth seldom resulted in healthy, mutually satisfying relationships (emphasis on the mutual part). Relationships are like Harley-Davidson motorcycles: neat, wonderful, fun things, but maintenance-intensive. If you’re not prepared and joyfully willing to spend the time & effort and make the physical and emotional investment necessary for a healthy relationship, then you, and especially your potential partner, are better off not taking the plunge.

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