It has probably happened to each and every one of us – a brief romantic encounter that we carry with us for years. Perhaps you met that person on vacation, or may have met him or her while traveling on business in another area. You may have been twenty or you may have been forty. The point is that the memory of a fling can be powerful.

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One of the most common problems that middle aged men and women report is the difficulty finding good dating material. Women, in particular, often feel that there is a built-in bias that makes dating more difficult in middle age than it is for men – they argue men often go for younger women. While we’ll leave this issue to be explored further on “The View” and other chat fests, it is important to discuss ways for men and women to try to meet someone.

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Hands down, the most effective way to conceptualize dating is to view it as informational interviewing. Don’t confuse this with testing your date – resorting to psychological manipulations to figure out who he or she really is. However, an informational interview is innocent enough – you need to find out certain things about a person and you accomplish this by asking honest questions.

The important point about dating as informational interviewing is that it keeps the focus on you – what are you looking for  in a partner? Is this the right person for you? Is this going to be a good match?

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Knowing when to call it quits in love is difficult – in fact, it can feel downright impossible. The truth is, however, that sometimes men and women make it more difficult and confusing than it needs to be. Understand that overthinking anything can make a decision more complex. In this way, you can actually run interference in your own life. It’s a good rule of thumb to remind yourself that you should never get in your OWN way in making a decision. You should simply use your judgment and make the best decision possible.

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A good friend of mine, Sandra, is single and looking. She’d love to meet a guy who has his life together and can make an important addition to her life. I can assuredly tell you that Sandra is a great catch – sweet, warm, and funny. She has no problem attracting men though she has a tough time finding a man to whom she is sexually and emotionally attracted.

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One of the most consistent patterns I find in my private practice is that men and women too quickly dismiss potential partners for a reason that isn’t necessarily that important. Though not a client, I can think of an acquaintance who once said she decided she couldn’t go on another date with a certain man because he said the word “guesstimate” at dinner. She thought this was just ridiculous – and couldn’t stomach the thought of what other silly words he might have in store for her later.

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One of the most consistent frustrations I hear from people looking for a partner is what I call the ultimate bad date – one in which their date doesn’t ask them any questions about themselves. Any come to mind?

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Many people believe that dating people who share your ethnicity is one of the surest ways to find compatibility that works over the long-term. This belief is not simply folk wisdom – it’s actually been supported by psychology studies that focus on romantic longevity. As I think about Barack Obama’s recent presidential election speech which provided a beacon of hope and unity, I wondered for a moment if dating within your ethnicity is a little outdated.

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One of the most common problems that couples have relates to money. Couples have probably fought over money issues since the beginning of time, and 2008 is no exception. Many of the problems couples have around money relate to what each member of the couple spends money on.

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When it comes to relationship status, the grass is always greener. Couples who have been together for years often fantasize about being on their own, while singles frequently idealize the home and hearth that coupledom purportedly brings. It is my belief that too many singles spend their time and energy longing for The One and miss out on the true pleasures of being single.

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