Alex sits huddled within the bay window, thinking about what could have been. His arms are wrapped around his long legs, as his chin sits propped between his knees. The winter storms have been striking the area for a week now, sending blistering cold temperatures through out the small town, leaving him with cabin fever, and in a depressive state. The small flakes fall to the ground, adding to the pounds of white snow almost as high as the window. The shade of the night prevents Alex from seeing the actual flakes touch the already situated snow banks, hills, and untouched snow upon the lawn. The night sky has no life, as stars hide behind the gloomy clouds. The burgundy window cushion offers him some relief on his backside as well as the pillows surrounding the comfy window seat. The snow used to offer some meaning to him, but now he’s just reminded of the love he lost so long ago. Time has passed but the scar of his loss still bleeds heavily.

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The morning has its same feeling as the sunrays from the window shines through on to Carissa’s face. Her eyes open, and she reaches to the sky to stretch out her rested body. Carissa thinks to herself, “There’s nothing like that fresh stretch early in the morning.” Suddenly her mind floats back to her personal situation, and how each day it gets harder and harder to cope with living life the way they have been living. Pulling the vanilla colored sheet back, her legs emerge and she places her feet on the floor to feel the tan carpet play under her feet. It’s a new day in Carissa’s mind, but she is unsure how to get Jonah to see it as just that. She begins to think to herself once again, having conversations with herself are becoming a staple. My life is pretty boring now, and that I try to tell myself that it doesn’t bother me one bit.  Imagine walking through life with minimal drama.  It feels damn good.  There’s not a day that goes by that the blessings that have been bestowed upon me have not been appreciated.  Often times, people ask me “Where do I see my self in 5 years?”  Personally, it’s hard to answer because we plan for the future but each day is lived to the fullest.  As go back and forth to work, happiness is always on my agenda.  Traveling and seeing other states and the way other people live with Jonah has also helped my outlook. Therefore, each day was lived as if it was the last.

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“Well, get some rest. We can talk in the morning.” Jonah rolls over and pulls the sheet back over his shoulder, leaving her leaning on her elbow. The darkness slightly hides the look upon her face, displaying dissatisfaction with his response. She lays on her back, letting it hit the mattress pretty hard. Jonah lifts from the mattress again.

“Are you okay?” Jonah asks.

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She tries hard not to move but wants to roll over badly with the cover of the night in her side and watch him sleep. There has been a long time since Carissa has even paid attention to him sleep or anything else for that matter. As she lies still, so too does Jonah lie there, seemingly falling asleep. A big part of her wants to roll over and talk to him about the lady he was having lunch with, and also what was the “deal” they were talking about. The curtain moves slightly as the wind pushes through the slightly open window. The moonlight tries to sneak through the almost closed blinds behind the curtain. Giving up the thought of even trying to speak with him, Carissa begins to think about the things he used to do when he climbed in the bed with her. The ways he used to climb in the bed and kiss her on the neck or bury his face into her neck to make her laugh, so she couldn’t fall to sleep. He always had a problem falling asleep at night, so Jonah did his best to pick with her so she could stay up with him. The thought of the way he used to tickle her sides bought a smile to her face. She would find herself sometimes thinking about how they used to be to help her go to sleep at night. Daily those thoughts became fewer and far in between. She can understand why this has happened between them, but can’t understand why they can’t get out of this funk. “Should I tell him that I’ve acted poorly and that it’s my fault?” she thinks to herself. With a determination she hasn’t felt in a long time, she rolls over to try and initiate a conversation.

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The night is one of loneliness and sadness, covering the walls of their home. The thunder beats down like a bass drum to create a somewhat eerie night. The darkness of night descends down upon their home like it normally would around 8 pm. The trees lay against the house and scratch at the window. She always feels like the trees are talking to her as she lay there waiting for Jonah. The sheets are pulled up to her neck, and she’s facing the opposite way. It’s a late night for Jonah. It’s not at all uncommon for those to occur because he has had a long night before, but there was something different about this night. Thinking back in her mind about a call she received from him earlier at the office, it played constantly through her mind, as she looked for something in his words.

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Jonah begins to turn around to see where the scent came from, but his companion remarks about their current conversation, breaking his desire to turn around, and easing the stomach of Carissa. The knots in her stomach grow ten fold, but there’s something about this situation that excites her, and reminds her of times past. She listens carefully to their conversation as it changed to one of enjoyment and laughter. He spoke almost poetically to her, making her smile and laugh. Carissa could hear the smile as the woman talked about the eloquence in Jonah’s words. The anger began to fester inside of her. It’s as if sticks of dynamite were being loaded inside of a cave to blast, but at that …read more

“Hey Nathan, let’s get back to the office. I forgot I have a conference call.”

“Okay. Sure…” The corner coffee shop was a little difficult to maneuver out of because of the many people in and out. Sitting right on the corner of the intersection, the shop was a great location to catch the types of people that work downtown. Here she was catching her husband downtown, when he works outside the city in one of the better suburban areas. “Nathan, you go ahead, I have to catch someone,” she said to him quickly. “Okay, you sure you don’t need something. You’re acting kind of squirrelly?” Carissa was acting anxious but the longer she stood and talked to him the further they got away. “No, I’m good, I just have to use the restroom badly and I didn’t want to tell you. You go ahead, I’ll catch you later,” she says while she backs away from him and heads into the direction of her husband and this mysterious woman. Catching up, she follows behind them but not too close to give away her position. The two finally settle into a small Italian restaurant named “Luigi’s.” The restaurant is know for its nice atmosphere and dimmed lighting. Watching them go in, Carissa held back a bit to make sure she could proceed. She knew she would have to play it cool because each time they went out, when they used to go out, Jonah would always request a seat facing the door.

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The steam rises from the round opening of her coffee cup, as she gazes through the window at all the people walking back and forth. Carissa counts the many people crossing the busy intersection, wondering what they are doing or where they are heading. People march in and out of the coffee shop, ordering their early day latte’s, chai teas or muffins to soften the workday. Conversations about the current budget, projections for the year, agenda’s and general conversation echo throughout the shop. It’s difficult for her to make out what they are saying because Nathan is talking to her about the time he raced a Porsche in his BMW up the interstate. Sitting in their same spot in the coffee shop, Nathan continues to try and impress her with all the stories about fast life. What he doesn’t know is she had the real thing, and misses him greatly. As she lifts the hot latte to her lips, she blows softly, listening to him tell this story. Placing the cup back down on the brown tabletop, it makes a slight tap against the surface, which made her look down at her hand, displaying her wedding ring. Last night, she was awaken again and paid attention to the ring for the first time in a long time. Anyone who has been married for a long time knows the ring on the finger becomes so much a part of the body, sometimes it’s not even realized that it’s on. Nathan sits there with in his plaid suit jacket, brown shirt, and solid black tie. Being well groomed and hair cut with perfection, to any other woman, he may be extremely attractive. However, Carissa just listens to him tell his stories.

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Outside, the rain begins to pour upon their three-bedroom condominium. The raindrops tap against the glass, and echoes of the drops bounce against the off color white siding. Jonah rises from the table and begins to clear. Seeing what he was doing, Carissa also began to clear the table. The phone rings, but Jonah is unable to answer because he’s up to his elbows and suds. Carissa answers the phone and it’s Lucas, a coworker of Jonah’s.

“Hey Carissa, how’s things going?”

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The night begins with a normal dinner on a normal night in a normal home. Carissa sits with Jonah enjoying what he believes to be a wonderful dinner. As their forks and knives clang the white plates, Jonah talks about his day of work, and the same disappointment that he experiences on a day to day basis. Her eyes scan the table, full of delights she cooked after coming home from her own tedious day of work. The seared chicken breasts, green beans, and hand made mashed potatoes all push steam into the forefront within their tinted bowls. The old antique table makes a noise marking its age as Jonah lifts to reach the salt. She looks at him and nods as he talks but really can’t hear a thing he’s saying. It’s always the same discussion over and over again about …read more