This one is called “The Bet”

Girls, girls, girls…they can sure scramble ones’ libido. Women can be sexy, seductive, captivating, inspiring and it doesn’t matter if they are tall, short, thin, rubenesque, if you find one who catches your eye just right. If you don’t take a shot at a girl who scrambles your libido, you’re an idiot. You’ve got nothing to lose but the loss of not taking the shot. The key, be creative and get her attention.

It was a typical Sunday afternoon at one of my favorite L.A. hangouts, where there is no shortage of marguerites, good looking babes (men and women), rockers, porn stars and live music to keep you entertained. I arrived with a few friends and as usual found more friends to collaborate with and people watch, all while exciting my pallet with a frothy, salted, marguerita on the rocks. I am not sure who spotted her first, but it wasn’t long before the group of us were zeroed in on a very attractive girl, who sat at a table just five or six feet from where we were standing. The guys were all talking about making a play for her and before I knew it my friend Kristy threw out a bold statement. “I bet I can get that girl to kiss me”, she claims. The guys were giggling like school-girls as Kristy proudly exclaimed, “Yea, I will bet you 20.00 bucks that I can get that girl to kiss me”. I was astounded. Kristy was usually not so bold as to initiate such a play for a girl. She typically preferred someone to pursue her, not the other way around.

Well, as I wondered how on earth was Kristy going to get this girl to kiss her, she starts to make her way toward the girl’s table. I was thinking, “Wow, I don’t believe it, I don’t even know what I would say or do to get that girl to just come out and kiss me so quickly.” I moved closer so that I could maybe hear what Kristy was going to say to her; I didn’t want to miss what could be a new strategy that I never thought of. Kristy squats down in front of the girl and says, “Hi, I’m Kristy and you are really beautiful. I bet my friends over there, 20.00 dollars that I could get you to kiss me. If you do, I’ll split it with you”. Ok, not too creative but honest. The girl says, “sure” and Kristy leans in and the girl gives her a somewhat quick “peck” on the lips. The guys watching of course, yelled and fussed, and clapped and Kristy walks back and collects the 20.00. Everyone laughed and Kristy walks back, gives the girl a ten spot, chatted for about five minutes, and returned to the group.

“Hmmm, I thought, I can do better than that”. I walk over to the girl, squatted down in front of her and said, “Hi, my name is Robbie and I bet those same guys over there 100.00 dollars that I could get you to give me a better kiss than my friend and if you do it, I’ll give you half”. I stood up slightly to be at eye level with the girl as she leaned in and gave me a long, hard kiss, while pulling me closer to her. The noise from the guys was hard to ignore and we broke apart and smiled. I looked her right in the eyes and said, “I lied, there is no 100.00 dollars”. I wasn’t sure if she was going to slap me or what as I started to pull away but surprisingly she smiled and then laughed and said “That was good, why don’t you sit down and join me”.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee

www.Robbie411.com

Finger Foods- Some finger foods like French fries, bread sticks, coconut shrimp, etc are totally fine. Avoid the finger foods that will leave you licking sauce off of your fingers and making suckling noises off bones, such as ribs, corn on the cob, or Buffalo wings.  These messy finger foods also make it difficult to enjoy a stimulating conversation due to the distraction of fingers and food hovering over your mouth.

Odiferous Foods- As much as I love garlic, I make it a point not to eat it in the early courting days and suggest the same to you.  Unless your date is as crazy for it as you are, avoid it.  Also stay away from onions, scallions, smelly cheeses, eggs, and cabbage.  It’s a good idea to stay away from these even before your actual date as they take time to digest and then appear later when you would rather they don’t.

Lodging Foods- Who doesn’t love popcorn?  Yes, it is a must at the movies, but you know what happens.  Some portion of an uncooked kernel lodges itself in between your teeth in the far back corner of your mouth or right between the incisors.  Once this occurs you either spend a good chunk of time trying to suck it and maneuver it out with your tongue, pick it with a tooth pick, credit card, or match book, or when you think your date isn’t looking, stick your finger back there and try to dislodge it with your finger nail.  None of these options are attractive.  Other equally challenging food items are caramel, poppy or sesame seeds, black pepper, broccoli, spinach, seaweed, and corn on the cob.

Repeating Foods- Keep in mind if you are having a getaway date, where you’ll be spending several meals and days with each other.  There are some foods that are notoriously known to repeat through belching or flatulence or other digestive activities.  However some individuals have digestive problems with other specific foods, so avoid the foods that you know personally affect you.  The normal culprits are legumes, cheese, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, raisins, prunes, cabbage, garlic, leeks, and carbonated drinks.  If you eat normally eat a high fiber diet, you may want to keep an eye on your intake, because remember, you will be sharing a bathroom.

Final Thoughts-You will have plenty of time in between your date to enjoy the foods you may be avoiding while you are with him/her.  I am not saying not to be yourself, but do you think your date will get over the image of you licking every single one of your fingers while eating those baby back ribs.  Unless they think that’s “hot”. LOL  Couples naturally tolerate different things once they really know you or fall in love with you, so just be patient and one day, you’ll be eating those ribs together!

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of the Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Sign up for my party list at www.Robbie411.com

Ah, life can surely be sweet.  There are moments of highs and lows and typically these moments, we as humans, label “good” or “bad” thus releasing emotions based on our given label to it.

What does this have to do with relationship advice?  Everything.  Our whole life is really based on the relationships we have with other humans.  The first relations we have are typically with our parents or if not, someone who fills the role of a parent.  These early, formable days expose us to experiences that shape who we are as adults.  It is these experiences that cause us to have mommy or daddy issues, anger issues, inadequate social skills, and on the positive side, encouragement to pursue education, the ability to love, and experience overall happiness.  Usually it is a mixed bag of positive and negative experiences.  Many seek out therapy to bridge the gap of our “dysfunctional” behaviors that affects our ability to have relationships with our parents, children, and future and past partners.

In college, most students have the opportunity to take a basic psychology course.  This in no way prepares humans for anything other than obtaining credit in a general education requirement for graduation.  Humans are not given the right tools to have healthy relationships.  It’s like learning how to swim by being thrown into the water with no instructions or life jacket.  Good luck.  The key comes down to you.  You are responsible for your own happiness.  If you can be happy with yourself and own the choices you make, this is the road to healthy, overall happy relationships.  However, it is likely you will have to self learn and self teach to truly succeed.  There are tons of books on such subjects and many shy away from “self helpy” type books.  It is much less costly than seeking face-to-face therapy and based on my own experiences, a great place to start.  For those of you who have read some of my other articles, you know that my favorite book to get to the key issues of who you are and why you chose who you chose, is Beverly De Angelis”s book, “Are You The One For Me”. It gets to the point and gives you tools to identify and change the behaviors you need to address to have healthier relationships.

Finding out who you are and what you truly want is essential.  Being able to figure that out and be who you are in the world is exhilarating and freeing.  Ultimately, you need to learn how to communicate what you want to those you are involved with.  You need to learn to trust yourself and love yourself.  If you can do that, then you can learn to trust and love others.  The first step is being self aware and ask yourself “who am I and what do I want”?  This will help you be an active participant versus passively reacting to life’s daily occurrences.

If you are more enlightened or advanced and what to approach your issues at the “soul” level, or from a more spiritual place, read Eckhart Tolle’s, “A New Earth-Awakening to Your Life”s Purpose”.

Cogliere la vita (Seize Life).

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-written by a woman who loves women.

Join my email list at www.Robbie411.com

I could have written about the top five or top ten problems couples face, but really, if you focus on not having one of the top three, you are doing great!!

Did someone say Sex?- Once you are well on your way to a long term relationship, sex or lack of it, may become an issue and cause you and your partner to have conflict.  Whether it’s the where, how, or when, sex trouble will rear its little head.  Inevitably the frequency will diminish.  Sure, the first year was filled with sex-capades of varying places, times, and fantasies.  Sure, she used to wear Vera Wang black lacy thongs and five inch “come fuck me heels”.  Now, you have to look at Uggs, half of the time.  Not that those can’t be sexy with the right skirt, but seriously, where are the heels?  He used to bring you flowers or surprise you in the middle of the day with sexy texts and tell you how much he couldn’t wait to come home and ravish you.  Now, your lucky if he puts down his blackberry long enough to even notice that you have been wearing Uggs every day.  Regardless of why your sex life isn’t where you want it, revamping or recreating your sex life will benefit the overall quality of your relationship.

Mo-Money Please- It is said that money is the root of evil.  But really the lack of money can be the devil and cause major issues in a couple’s life.  The key is to not fall into the trap of overspending.  If you have to live on a budget, even though that may be boring, do it.  Humans are habitual “buyers” and seem to want more and more “things”.  How many pairs of shoes does a girl need?  Ok, I know I should not have said that, but if you are having money issues, stop buying new shoes, until things are under control.  And guys, how many “toys” or gadgets do you need.  Endless purchasing on credit cards is a black-hole that will cause couples to never see the light of day.  Stop spending what you don’t have and remember, sometimes more is less.

Trust or Lust- Many humans have trust issues long before they get into intimate relationships.  Typically as a result of experiences that happened when they were children and often related to parent issues.  Creating a loving, trustful relationship is challenging and often requires good communication and support from one another.  If a breach in trust occurs, such as infidelity, it may be almost impossible to recover from it and the “cheatee” may never fully trust the “cheater” again.  Be proactive and just don’t cheat or lie.  Humans usually take everything personal so it is likely if you cheat or lie to your partner, they will take it very personal and be hurt by your actions.  It is likely the will hold resentment and both of you will be miserable.   The best way to handle this is avoid the behavior; don’t lie and don’t cheat.

Note: 17% percent divorces in the U.S. are caused by infidelity.  This does not include non-married couples but I would guess it’s about the same; thus 34% of relationships end due to infidelity.  Other interesting infidelity statistics: http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

Final thoughts- Relationships are tough but we are all here for the same thing; to love and be loved.  Having a long term, intimate relationship with another human being can be a beautiful adventure.  If you can have a great relationship with yourself and learn to understand yourself and express your wants and needs to others and can avoid the above three pitfalls, you are on the road to a symbiotic, long term relationship with the one you love.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Check out my web at Robbie411.com

Status Updates- Do your friends need to know every minute of every day about what you are doing?  Do they need to know you are in the backyard, or relaxing, or just got your nails done, or are hungover?  Maybe. Do your friends constantly need to be reminded that you and “the love of your life” just bought a Christmas tree together?  If they are that amazing, how is it you are spending that time updating your status about it?  Although, I do recognize that with the Iphone and Blackberry, it is pretty convenient.  I am fortunate that in between all the silly updates, I gain some amazing knowledge from my “friends”.  And yes, all 272 of my Facebook friends are people I actually know. Ok, except for Kim Kardashian, but it is really a “fans” page. Either way, I am not deleting Kim and would like her for a “real” friend.

Do I want to find out that someone died, had a heart attack, or was in a car wreck through a status update? No, I do not; perhaps an email would be a better communication tool for such traumatic news.

Farmville, Mafia Wars, Petville, etc.- Come on. Really? Is real life not interesting enough without spending hours with these games or whatever they are?  I have never been curious enough to really see what they are but the news feeds filled with these are annoying enough.  Enough said, probably.

Stalking- Fortunately, Facebook has enough privacy options to inhibit your ex or your partner’s ex from being allowed to see too much of what you are doing.  But if you are friends with someone who is friends with your ex there is still some visibility to view their postings or yours.  If you think your ex is stalking you, block them; there is an option for that and then they won’t even know you are on Facebook.  If you are still checking your ex’s profile, just stop; I know it’s tempting, especially if they are not savvy enough to figure out how to operate the privacy options.

Adding and Deleting Friends- The rule of thumb on Facebook (unlike Myspace) is to not add people you do not know in “real life”.  It also applies to friend requests; do not request someone you do not know.  Do not cruise your friends’ friends to find “hotties” or famous people to add or look for someone new to date.  I have a few famous people on my page and I would not be happy if my friends requested them just because they were famous. Although, becoming a “fan” to someone is totally acceptable.

How many times have you added or deleted the same person?  I am guilty of that myself.  You know, you get mad at someone and delete them or log on one day and find that you have been deleted by someone.  Should you be hurt?  No. Remember, it’s Facebook and not real life.

Postings- Anything you post on your wall or your friends wall can be seen by everyone and is there forever or until you delete it.  So if you have been on Facebook for two years and you just acquired a girlfriend who you finally add, she can read and see everything you have been doing for the past two years.  So if you told her you haven’t had a serious relationship and you had a girlfriend posting a year and half ago, she will see it.  Busted by Facebook, be careful, it happens.

Relationships- People have relationships with people on Facebook that they have never met.  They tell each other they love each other and change their relationship status-all without having ever met.  You are “now in a relationship”. You don’t have to list a relationship status on Facebook, but if you do, all of your 300 friends will know when you go from single to “in a relationship” and perhaps, inevitably back to “single”; so be prepared to be bombarded with “OMG, what happened??” and a bunch of sad faced emoticons.

It is one thing to update your Facebook to identify that you are in or out of a relationship but Facebook is not an acceptable way of breaking up with someone and yet it is done all of the time; even in the celebrity world.

Deactivation- Remember, you can not delete your Facebok account. That’s right, you can not delete it.  Although I have heard that if you remove all of your pictures, delete all of your friends, remove all of your postings, and write a letter to Facebook requesting that they delete it, they will.  Your only other option is to deactivate it; which essentially means it is non-active until you log back in again that automatically reactivates the account.  All of your friends will still be there and ask you “where were you?”

Final thoughts- Facebook is a great networking tool.  I enjoy it. It’s a great way to stay in touch and/or reconnect with old friends, but it can be addicting.  You can spend more time having online relationships and less time with real life relationships or real life events.  You spend more time reading updates and newsfeeds than about real world problems. Is Facebooking necessary everyday?  I don’t know but if you spend more time online than socializing in person, you should think about that.  Although I am not a huge fan of Dr. Laura, as she is a gay basher, the letter her son wrote to Facebook is pretty cool: Breaking Up With Facebook.

Now get off your computer or your Smartphone and go interact with the world; volunteer at your local animal shelter, help your neighbor fix their broken fence, take your grandfather out to lunch.  Those things are so much better than Facebooking about anything I can think of.  Although this article will be posted on my Facebook page.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Check out my web at Robbie411.com

Dictionary.com defines each word as follow:

Resolution- a decision or determination to do something

Revelation- an instance of disclosure of something not before realized

Revolution- a sudden, complete or marked change in something or a drastic and far-reaching change in ways of thinking and behaving.

Resolution- I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions personally, but if that’s what it takes to get you to where you need to be, then go for it!!  A lot of people make such resolutions based on bad habits, such as drinking or smoking, or to lose weight or start working out.  How about a resolution to be kinder to yourself, you know, not to be so hard on yourself, or to begin a self-reflection period, so that you can heal your emotion core?  Your ability to love and be loved stems from experiences that occurred when you were a child.  So if you are having difficulty forming intimate, lasting relationships, committing to self work would make a fabulous resolution.

If you are currently in a relationship and feel compelled to make a resolution that involves your partner, it may be more beneficial to you if you just focus on you and your needs.  I realize some people make their partner their “whole world”, especially if it’s new relationship; you know, you don’t do things with your friends anymore, your emails being to pile up, you neglect your animals a little more, you don’t call your parents as often, you stop volunteering or going to your exercise classes, etc.  You could be setting yourself up for a bad situation.  Sure, you and your partner say “we’ll make it through anything or we’ll be together forever”, but you know there are no guarantees.  If you put all of your eggs in one basket, you may end up with a big bowl of scrambled mush one day.  So if you chose to implement a New Year’s resolution, make it about you and whatever YOU need.

Revelation- Perhaps you feel like there is something you need to do; that there is something or you have a “knowing” that something isn’t right.  You feel it deep inside.  Not in your head, mind you, but in your gut, in your soul. It is no easy task to figure out what that “something” is.  I have personally experienced this; most often it has been rather large “somethings”.   Through deep thought and examination at my life with such deep seeded feelings or the “knowing” feeling that I should be doing something else, I have relocated across country several times and changed jobs, effortlessly.  It has come down to the actual “revelation”; the instant disclosure of it that I didn’t know before.  It’s a magnificent experience.  It’s like a light bulb going off in your head and a weight being lifted off of your chest or a knot leaving your stomach.  If you are having such feelings, you need to find away to figure out what it is you should be doing.  You may try looking at various aspects of your life to at least narrow it down; career, relationship, friendships, family, living situation, etc.  It takes work-trust me.  It takes sitting quietly and looking at what is or isn’t working in your life.  Once you find a process to get to the “revelation”, when you have such feelings in the future, it becomes easier to achieve the “ah hah” or the “gestalt”, referring to concept of  ‘wholeness.

Revolution- This is probably the most powerful of the three possibilities to accomplish.  A complete change in how you behave, think, or change!  How intense it feels!!  To experience a revolution within your life, think about something that you know you have wanted to do, wanted to become, or something you’ve wanted to change in your life.  Do you want to change your life, your career, leave a dead relationship?  Do you want to become a doctor, a tree cutter, a teacher, or an artist?  Do you want to move to another city or another country?  Think about how you want to spend the rest of the remaining years of your life; no matter if you are in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or 50 plus!!!! You only have one life and remember this very moment, this very second, is your life.  So don’t waste another second of it and start your revolution!!!

Final thoughts- Whether you are in a long term relationship, newly coupled, or single, figuring out what you need for yourself, will make you a better you and thereby default a make you a better partner. And that combination, my lovely readers, will make you have a better relationship; how can you not help but be happy!!

And if you ask why should I take the advice from the author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, my response is “because I am living life and I have had both revelations and revolutions that were life changing”.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Be sure and sign up for my mailing list at Robbie411.com

Pay attention- Paying attention to your partner and really knowing their emotions is a skill.  You may think, “Right, no kidding, why is she stating the obvious”.  Don’t fool yourself.  While reading this, it is easy to think about paying attention, but what about when you or your partner are knee deep in a situation and going crazy about scheduling their trip to see family members and he/she is yelling at you.  Keep in mind that they are not mad at you.  They are reacting to the memories of what it’s like to spend holiday time with family members, the financial stress of traveling and buying presents, how everything will get done, and anything else that can get piled on top of that.  Before reacting to their outburst, take a moment to remember it’s not you, so don’t take it personally.  They are just venting/down loading on the person closest to them.  Be patient and offer support either by words or hugs, etc.  If you are normally a reactive person, count to ten, breath, think of an intimate thought about your partner, smile, and know everything will be fine.

Communicate your needs- Keeping the lines of communication open during stressful times is more crucial than normal times.  If your partner is behaving in a way that is totally not normal and it is annoying you and you find yourself bottling up your feelings about it, find a way to communicate your needs.  Don’t engage during the heat of the moment, but perhaps later, send them a text or an email and ask if you can talk about what happened.  If you need them to back off a bit or you need space, let your partner know, you just need a time out for an hour or two.  How you handle your time out will be different depending on whether you live together or not.  Also, encourage your partner to communicate what they need from you if you feel they are really holding back.  If you ask, “Honey, are you ok?” and they reply, “I’m fine”.  It is likely that they are not “fine”.  Don’t pressure them but be sure and reassure them that if they need to talk about anything, you are there for them.  If you need something from your partner, let them know, but be sensitive to your timing to ask.

Low stress strategies- Incorporating strategies to keep stress level down is a sure way to keep you and your partner in good spirits with each other.

• Take the initiative to invite your loved one to a bubble bath with you. Set the mood with candles, wine, and music.
• Invite your partner to a luscious massage delivered by you!  Purchase a sexy, scented oil and get to work; check out shopinprivate.com.
• Work it out!  Take a break and hit the gym, the hiking trail, or the bike trail.  If you live in an area where weather doesn’t allow for outdoor activities, try out your local climbing gym or purchase a day pass to an all inclusive gym.
• Sex it up.  Is your girl climaxing? While 75 percent of men always reach orgasm only 29 percent of women report the same. In addition, most women are unable to climax through vaginal intercourse, instead needing clitoral stimulation.  In my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women, I encourage the guys to let your girl come first.  You know you’ll get there so why not??!!!!!

Final thoughts- Keep it together, work together, and support each other. You can survive the holiday stresses.  Whether you stay together for many years or not, why waste time not enjoying the pleasures of life and your loved ones.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

Check out my web at Robbie411.com

I think it’s great if you find someone that you are compatible with, share similar activities, goals, dreams, values, have great sex and fall in love.  Idealizing as if it were like a Hollywood movie may not be the healthiest thing to do.  In romance movies, the couple meets, falls in love, gets married, and has kids all within in the two and half hours on film.  They are more passionate than you can imagine and most watching will desire that kind of connection.  I know of two couples meeting this past year and after spending a month together, one decides to move 3,000 miles across the country and move in with someone they barely know at all.  Are these people running from something; running from himself or herself or the life they have created for themselves.  Are you doing this?  Is your life not how you want it but instead of fixing it, you involve yourself with someone else to step into their life to escape from your own.  Remember, no matter where you run to, you will always be there and one day you will have to look at your life and fix it yourself.  Otherwise you run the risk of one day being in your 50’s,  alone and your life is still in a mess

Instead of being self absorbed with another person, focus on making sure you’re making the RIGHT CHOICE for your own individual self.  You won’t miss the opportunities that the universe places in front of you, if you focus on doing what you should be doing for your life and pay attention. You are responsible to learn and grow and feed your soul.  If you allow the universe to lead the person who is to be your partner/spouse into your life, and if you allow life to happen, things will play out as they are supposed to.  This is true in all aspects; love, career, finances, etc.

Seeking the one implies that you are not complete without that one person.  You are already complete with or without “the one”. If you have someone that you feel “complete” with perhaps it’s because they are in your life for you to learn lessons and therefore you are where you should be and are with the one you need to be with at this moment.  Nothing wrong with that, but you could be setting yourself up for disaster if you are running from your life, which in turn you will learn one hard lesson.

Final Thoughts- You are here to learn life lessons and grow.  To do this, the universe presents us with challenges and people to assist us in that process.  Take it day by day and pay attention to what it is you should be learning and you will have a fulfilled life.  If you have a specific project to fulfill with someone, like raising children, it is likely that person will stay in your life for a long time.  If someone enters your life to teach you are hard lesson, they may not stay in your life very long no matter how much you love them or how complete they make you feel.   Either way don’t be discouraged.  Honor  your ability to learn and grow remember, happiness comes from within, not without.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee-author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-written by a woman who loves women

Be sure and sign up for my mailing list at Robbie411.com

Relationships are not easy; whether it’s with your parents, siblings, friends, spouse, or girl/boy friend.  There are many key principles to maintaining a successful relationship with your significant other. Setting aside for the purposes of this article that no one can make you happy, as it must come from within, if you implement the following concepts, your chances of a successful relationship with your partner will significantly increase.  

Compromise. If you always want to have things your way, stay single.  Otherwise figure out which things you can live without and which you cannot. Guys, if you want to watch football both Saturday and Sunday on the weekends and your girl wants to go on a picnic, what do you do?  You give up one of those days for her.  So you decide if college or pro-ball is more important to you.  If your girl likes football then you really scored.  What about you ladies?  What are you willing to give up for your guy and your reationship?  Compromising is an on going concept, don’t kid yourself and don’t ignore it.

Communication. Humans are not mind readers.  If you are not a good communicator, learn to become one.  It will make your life easier.  Read books on it, do research on the internet, whatever you have to do to become a better communicator.  Openly tell your partner what you want and need and encourage them to reciprocate their wants and needs to you.   Everyone communicates differently.  Although actions are sometimes louder than words, sometimes you just have to say it.  If your partner communicates differently, then you may actually have to say whatever words they need to hear to get your point across or to resolve an issue.  Learn to communicate with your partner in a away that they understand. Otherwise, the two of you are not communicating.

Consideration. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first in most things in life, including your partner, but showing consideration and putting their needs before you sometimes will go along way.  If your partner asks something of you, give it to them or do it for them.  I am not saying put them first all of the time, but be reasonable.  For example, if I can take care of it, I do not let my girl friend fill her car up with gasoline.  She hates to do that.  So when I have time after work or on the weekends, I take care of that for her.  I don’t wait for her to ask me either, I just do it.  It’s sweet, it’s thoughtful, its considerate.  She loves it!  Find something that your partner would appreciate you doing for them and you will reap significant rewards!

Conscience Commitment. What this means is if you are going  to commit your partner, do it with intent, not as some passing random thought or  something that just happened.  Make sure you understand what it is you are doing.  Otherwise, somewhere down the road you may wind up resenting them.  For example, if you have been dating your partner for six or seven months and they want you to move in, but you are not ready, don’t do it because you are afraid of losing them.  A friend recently told me that relationships just happen or the commitment just happens.  I think this is true to a degree but if you move freely and easily without thinking about what you want or what you are or are not ready for, you may find yourself in a difficult situation.  If you do something you don’t want to do, you can become hostile, angry or exhibit passive-aggressive behavior.  So before you commit to your partner, think it through, and make sure you are ready for the next step.

Final Thoughts. Relationships can be amazing, painful, demanding, freeing, complicated, and exhilarating.  Relationships are the only way we as humans, learn about ourselves, and grow.  Pay attention and remember that you must take an active role in maintaining an intimate relationship with your partner.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, author of The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

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Keep it Sexy. I have detailed this aspect in my book, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide to Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women as a “rule”. Rule, meaning, you should always follow this. As mentioned previously, after awhile couples get so comfortable with each they may lose the “sexiness” in their relationship, where all of a sudden, it is ok to urinate or defecate with the bathroom door open. It becomes acceptable to share your flatulence with your spouse while watching a movie together or belch loudly as you finish a swig of your drink. This is UNACCEPTABLE. I realize, to my surprise, women are guilty of this too, not just men. So ladies should curb this behavior too. Bottom line, keep all bodily function noises and odors to your self and close the bathroom door, that stuff is not sexy!

There are things that men and women both do that should be kept private. Close the door. Ladies, your partner does not need to see an un-kept bikini area and guys, your partner does not need to see you clip your toenails. Flossing your teeth is a good thing, but do you really need to do it with the door open? Again, some things are just meant to do in private, behind a closed door.

Another aspect of keeping it sexy is “not letting your self go”. Everyone has probably been guilty of putting our “best foot” forward when we first meet someone that we want to hook in; both in dress and behavior. You act better and make more effort to look good. Once you enter the “commitment stage”, the comfortableness sets in and you start to show more of your self in behavior and attitude. It’s like once you know the person loves you, it’s ok to be who you really are. On top of that, sweat pants or grandma panties become a part of your daily wardrobe. The daily hygiene regiment becomes less important, you don’t shave as often, you gain 10 or 40 lbs.

It is important to make a conscience effort to maintain my style, behavior, attitude, etc to some degree of the same level as when you first meet your partner. You should look good for yourself and take pride in your appearance, but your partner will certainly appreciate it.

The best foot forward syndrome may disappear a year or more into the relationship. You at some point may no longer care if your partner knows that you are not really as sweet as you indicated when you first met, you let your bitchy-ness hang out, your nagging self comes to life, or your verbally abusive tendencies become free flowing. At some point your partner doesn’t know who you are. But maybe this is the real you and you were holding back, maybe not. Make it a point to keep yourself in check regarding your behavior and keep the communication lines open. Be yourself but be respectful, compassionate, and considerate. This, along with being open, honest, and communicative is very sexy and both you and your partner will reap the benefits.

Keep it Fresh. Over a period of time things get stagnant; jobs, daily routines, and our relationships. You know, the same ol’ same ol’. It is critical to put effort into your relationship to keep from falling into a state of boredom, which can breed dissatisfaction that can lead to unhappiness. Ultimately this could lead to seeking excitement elsewhere.

Think back on how it was when the two of you first met; how excited you got when they called, wrote you a love note, brought you a flower, or surprised you with a weekend getaway. Be creative and attentive. Men and women both want to know their partner is interested in them. Make an effort to do something thoughtful for your partner, outside of the “norm”, at least once a week. Our lives are filled with stress enough and keeping your relations as stress free as possible will keep you healthy, happy, and full of positive energy. Even something as small as sending your partner a text message in the middle of the afternoon, telling them you are thinking about them or just saying hi is a great start.

Most likely you both have your “routines” on the weekend; Sundays you watch football with your buddies or spend it cutting the grass, while she reads the paper or does her Sunday gardening. Mix it up. Surprise your partner and invite them on a picnic at a romantic spot or take a short road trip to some antique fair or a museum. Or find an activity surrounding one of your partner’s favorite activities. Maybe he/she loves country bands or rock n’ roll. Do some internet research and find a near by concert to attend. If you’re short on cash, offer your partner a relaxing massage after a long soak in a hot bath, prepared by you. Again, be creative.

Think of something you both will enjoy. Neither of you should do all the work either. If you are the initiator most of the time, ask your partner to plan something next month. Don’t sit in silence and expect them to read your mind. Mixing things up will surely keep your relationship fun, interesting, and fulfilling.

Cheers,

Robbie Lee, The Straight Man’s Pocket Guide To Picking Up a Hottie-Written by a Woman Who Loves Women

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