So a friend and a reader just wrote me an email saying she is dating a guy ten years older than her. She thought it might be a good topic to address and I agree since I have rarely dated women my same age.

13 years younger than me!

I remember when I realized for the first time how old the girl was that I had just slept with. She was surprised too and we both felt very awkward. When I met her I was under the impression that she was mid twenties, and she thought I was the same. Our ages came out when I saw a picture of her mother and was surprised at how young she looked. I asked her age, “My mom just turned 39.” I creased my eyebrows a bit in concentration, “What?? Was your mom 15 when she had you?” “No, she was the same age as I am” she said. “Wait… that means you’re… 19???” “Yes” she said with a smile. I looked at her a bit serious, “Sayu I am only 6 years younger than your mother.” Her eyebrows rose in surprise and her mouth formed a small oval.

Sayu and I were 13 years apart in age but we ended up together for over three years. I still love her very much but in the end the gap was a little too large and we separated a few months back. We were well matched in so many ways but the power balance was off just enough to put a hole in our relationship boat.

Are older men better suited for younger women??

I think they are but 13 years is honestly a little too much. I think 5-10 years is ideal, however there are a lot of pros and cons to dating an older guy!

Pros of an older guy:

1. More mature

2. More Life experience to share

3. If fit, are more experienced lovers

4. Are more faithful if they have a history of it

5. Often have greater financial stability

6. Are more interested in having a family

7. Have greater confidence and experience

8. Are able to communicate better and maintain a healthy relationship

9. Have had a lot of the bad behavior trained out of them by past women

10. Can help you grow radically in order to “catch up” with them

11. You will be exposed to so many new things that younger men don’t have the finances for or the maturity (travel, lifestyle, business, nice stuff)

Cons of an older guy

1. Could be horrible in bed if not fit

2. Might have kids or an ex wife

3. Have more life experience and thus might control the relationship too much

4. If they have a history of cheating this will continue

5. Are more set in their ways (DANGER!)

6. Your family might be freaked out a bit

7. May not have as strong a sex drive

8. Could be in a mid life crisis and wants a young woman

9. Are not as attractive/fit as younger guys

10. A relationship with them might alienate you from your younger friends

11. Probably doesn’t want to go clubbing

College guys and high school girls

I have always observed that younger girls have always gone for older guys. In high school this was incredibly frustrating since I couldn’t compete with guys in college taking out the senior girls enamored with them. The really frustrating part was that the college girls had no interest in me unless they thought I was in college too. (I must admit I was not very honest and I lied my way into as many college parties) I realized as early as this that they older guys simply are more attractive to women than the younger ones. They had so much more cash and experience but now at 36 the tables are turned!! (don’t worry I don’t want a high school girl)

Why do older men go for younger women?

It is too bad but I think guys are awfully shallow with age. If given a choice most men will choose a younger woman. Look at some of the more famous in the acting community. Patrick Stewart is currently dating a woman half his age! He seems like a pretty together guy upstairs but still he is drawn to a woman that is young enough to be his daughter!

My friend Dale and his two women

When my buddy Dale told me he wanted to get engaged to a girl literally half his age I was a little shocked. He was 36 at the time and she was 18. To her credit she had a lot going for her and was extremely intelligent but… she didn’t have the emotional maturity Dale needed. After about 8 months of living together they peaceably separated.

Recently Dale started dating a professional businesswoman about 30. She is sweet, intellectual and wants to have a family. Dale really likes this woman and I must say that she seem much more suited to him. They only drawback is that he feels she is a bit boring, something that I have experienced often when girls get closer to my age.

The race car

I think a lot of guys in their 30’s and 40’s go for the younger women for the same reason they want a sports car. They feel that their youth is slipping and they long for the college life that got torn away by a job and a failed marriage. This is often solved by the sports car and the college aged girlfriend.

Is it always this way?

There are so many variables in any relationship that it is hard to give anything too concrete! However I do think being with a guy 5-10 years older than you, tends to put you at the same speed in life. Guys just take a little longer to be on the same page with you quickly maturing women! The only major pitfall is that he may have a little too much power in the relationship, which will eventually destroy it.

So what about older women and younger men? I don’t know… what do you think?

This has been a guest post by Mike Masters, dating guru and author of http://www.mikethemasterdater.com

The first time I encounter infidelity

I remember vividly the first time I was ever unfaithful (does that mean there was a second?). I had just met the girl of my dreams. We had similar views and we were both enrolled at Westmont, a Christian college in Santa Barbara. Everything was going perfectly until I ran into my ex girlfriend. Now, I have to confess something, usually when I tell this story I soften it and say it was only weeks after I met Karen, implying that we were not that serious and I’m not such a bastard. Here is the truth, It was three or more months into our very serious and committed relationship. Karen didn’t live with me but we were about a month away. Simply put we were on a love high, religious high and about as emotionally stoned as that guy you see hanging outside of Starbucks. In our euphoria the last thing we expected was this.

Foreshadowing

The first time I sensed something was wrong was when Karen and I saw the movie The English Patient, saying we hated it was an understatement. If we could have covered the author in boiling tar and lit it on fire it would not have been enough. You probably haven’t seen The English Patient, it stared Ralph Fiennes, an even more dead eyed muppet actor than Kevin Costner. We hated Ralph but we also hated the premise, a story rooted in infidelity. Karen and I were in denial, demanding the illusion of our unshakable fidelity. We believed we were more solid than the uniformity of good reviews on this movie, how wrong everyone was.

I am in shock

I met my ex by accident at a restaurant, I was studying for an exam and she was detoxing after doing something slightly illegal. “Oh my god!!! Hey” She says and I am forced into a big hug. My brain goes into a chocolate swoon as I feel her familiar large breasts press into me. She looks even more attractive than when I dated her two years before. The bad girl image had finally matured with a few more tattoos and piercings and her natural platinum hair appeared even lighter with her deep tan. “Wow, you look fantastic! I can’t believe it has been two years,” I said wishing I didn’t use the word fantastic. She beamed at me with pupils way too large and said, “We totally have to catch up! What is your number??” Without hesitation I gave it to her. This was just catching up and harmless I told myself. We met two weeks later for coffee when Karen was out of town. I had convinced myself it was purely innocent. My ex knew I was serious with someone and she would respect that
We could be friends
it would be fine
Karen would just get upset if I told her, so she doesn’t need to know
I can control myself
This dishonest dialog kept running in my head, telling me it was okay to put myself in such a dangerous position. We ended up on the beach with a bottle of wine, after four hours of resistance (foreplay) the inevitable happened.

I have never been so ashamed

I didn’t said a word until months later when my guilt came vomiting out. One sunny Saturday Karen and I ran into my secret, she was working at a coffee shop, “Oh my god!! Mike!!!” she said. I literally turned white, squeezed the blood out Karen’s hand and yanked her away from my terror. I couldn’t take the guilt I was harboring and when we arrived home I told her in such shame that I could have bottled the amount of fluid leaking from my face. Karen cried too and hit me over and over again. I took it rolled up like a fetus on the floor sobbing instead of speaking. I hated myself for this and it took years to forgive. Karen and I stayed together for years until Karen did the same to me and she was just as shocked at her own behavior.

A few stats I have collected:

• 10-15% of all people on the planet have a different father than what they believe (my dad experienced this)
• Women are less likely to use contraceptive with people other than their partner
• Financially successful men are cheated on far less than unsuccessful
• Women are far more likely to orgasm with their lover than their partner
• Women are far more likely to get pregnant with their lover than their partner
• Younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful.
• 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship
• Those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair.
• Divorce rate among those who married their lovers was 75 percent
• It is estimated that 53% of all people will have one or more affairs during their lifetime.
• 53% of Promise Keeper men viewed pornography the previous week in one study (keep those promises boys!!)

Cheating is in our DNA

What is going on here? Are we all evil immoral people, chomping at the bit to screw our lives up? Or is there something deeper making it very hard to do “the right thing”? When I cheated I was totally caught off guard, I felt as if I had been tricked and betrayed by my own mind. I thought that I had a little gremlin of evil living in my head that wanted to destroy me. What is wrong with people? It is almost as if infidelity is a sexual strategy for reproduction. Almost as if we still have an animal like drive that takes over the system to satisfy it’s agenda.

The elephant in the room

Humans are of two minds, one is an animal subconscious and the other is the newly evolved conscious mind. All of us has witnessed the subconscious pleasure seeking hijacking of the system, when we eat junk food on a diet or spend money we don’t have. However, when we do irrational sexual acts that destroy our relationships we don’t see the correlation. It is easier to say that we are a horrible person or claim that our partner drove us to it. Is it really completely our fault? And are we absolved of that guilt due to DNA sabotage? I don’t believe we are absolved but we must become aware of what triggers the powerful subconscious animal. This is why a recovering alcoholic doesn’t go to bars and the person losing weight can’t have junk in the house. To do the right thing we must control our environment when WE (not the subconscious) is in charge. We cannot put ourselves in dangerous situations EVER because as we have seen most of our lives, the amount of discipline it takes to control the animal mind when is it on the path of destruction it is massive and most of us do not posses it.

• The arrogant conscious mind likes to ignore the subconscious but do not be fooled, it is there both helping and hurting you daily
• The animal mind is part of us but it can and must be trained
• Controlling yourself in a dangerous environment is like trying to stop an elephant when it wants to rut
• Infidelity can be expected but never tolerated
• Create huge nasty repercussions to control the subconscious (Thailand is the capital of penis decapitation, this would be an effective way to create a sexual speeding ticket, wink)

Mike Masters
Writes a funny, informative blog about relationships at mikethemasterdater.com

I am a dipshit

One of the stupider things I have ever done, besides getting married in Vegas, was to get a joint credit card… (with the same girl of course) Obviously I will never ever ever ever do this again. At the time I was injecting heavily with love-heroin and was drooling mad. My girlfriend thought she needed a CC and I thought that in my vast financial wisdom I could trust her. Does this make any sense?? I mean… even a 12 year old would know not to do this right?? Clearly I didn’t and next thing you know I am the proud owner of a 10,000 dollar CC debt along with… DRUM ROLL! a break up. I never got the money back and it took over 8 years to finally remove the debt.

Crashed my beautiful motorcycle

I like to ride motorcycles and when I was 24 I had a pretty nice bike. It was an older Indian cycle that I rebuilt the engine on. I hadn’t spent excessive money on it but I put in a lot of time and the bike was a bit of a classic. A friend of mine asked me if he could borrow my bike for the weekend, I reluctantly said okay. “Sure you can use my bike, but if you crash it you pay for it!” I said in a way that meant I was too much of a pussy to say no. Unfortunately, John didn’t bother to tell me that he had never ridden a bike before. I just assumed that a fat ass, with tattoos and a goatee knew how to ride a motorcycle!! I guess not…

Motorcyclists have a saying, “you have either laid it down or are going to lay it down.” This simply means that everyone crashes, everyone… John’s tattoo and goatee borrowed confidence allowed him to crash the very first day riding. Causing about $1000 bucks damage to my bike. Did he pay me back? Nope, he choose to kill the friendship instead, saying it was my fault for allowing a first time rider out. What the F???

He owes his landlord 200,000!

I have a friend of mine that is really cool but has some guy troubles… She is a single mom and has been seeing the same guy for a while now. This guy, strangely enough is… Her roommate!!! (Bad bad bad!!) Her son apparently does not know about it…?? Really??  She has lent this guy a lot of money over the years. A LOT OF MONEY… (200,000 plus!) The relationship has gone south over the last six months and my friend wants out but… She wants her money back! So, she stays in the relationship and is treated very poorly by this guy. He most likely wants out too but… the money is keeping them together and unhappy. Wow… what a mess. (if you got time, give her an answer to this. She has heard it from me but it might help to hear what other women think)

Don’t gamble with your partner

It only takes a minuscule amount of searching to find someone that has gone through a TOTAL nightmare of a divorce. The two of them fighting tooth and nail for every last scrap of ego and rightness. If this kind of relationship explosion can occur to a couple that have said the words “till death to us part” what makes you think that he won’t go wonky on your ass tomorrow??

When I asked the question on twitter, “is it okay to lend your BF money” a lot of people said it depends on how long you have been dating. Ahhh… No?

Don’t lend, GIVE, if it comes back it is a blessing

Very simple concept… Don’t lend what you cannot afford to lose. Can you afford to have your friend crash the car you lent them? The tent your boyfriend will accidentally melt in the campfire?? The 4,000 your fiancé needs for his business because he can’t make rent? Is it justified? Hell no! Unless you are willing to lose it all, don’t even consider it.

• Don’t allow your fear of the word NO affect your decisions
• Wanting his/her approval by lending them $ is a BAD idea
• Some guys/girls are just users. They learned it from mom and dad. Now they are transferring it to you. Don’t allow it.
• One more time, DON’T Lend. Give, and feel thankful if it comes back to you.

Mike Masters
Writes a blog for women about relationships at mikethemasterdater.com

I read He is just not that into you when it first came out. My initial reaction after the first few chapters was. Okay, yeah that’s not too bad but I kept waiting for solutions to problems but they never came. The next chapter had another pathetic story, with the author arrogantly ripping into the sad girl. After a few paragraphs of beratement and general cynicism the author ends with DRUM ROLL!! “He’s just not that into you,” I kept thinking that there has got to be more substance to this book! But one more bad story with the same message “he’s just not that into you…” I felt my frustration rise like I did with the book Skinny Bitch (decent book but why swear for swearing sake??). I would have thrown it across the room if it wasn’t in audio and I didn’t want to break my iPhone. (granted there is nothing wrong with one message, as long as it is profound. Power of Now was an amazing book and the concept is so difficult that it needed repeating)

It is part of slang now! no!!!

I was talking to a female friend of mine about a guy. She was very frustrated with him. Sometimes she would call and he would be really sweet but he would never take the initiative to contact her. She was really bummed and came to me. “Mike WTF, why do I cater to this guy? Why am I always the one to initiate? I feel like such a boob.” I gave her one of those empathetic, it’s your fault smiles. Than she said the most un-empowering comment. “Maybe he is just not into me?” I bared my teeth and felt the hair on the back of my neck lift in irritation. I responded much more harshly than I meant to. “OF COURSE HE IS NOT!! It is because you totally screwed it up!!” She recoiled a bit as I projected my frustration. “Sorry, sorry… That book bugs me, it absolves people of any responsibility for their actions!”

The three Mikeateers

I answered the phone cautiously since I didn’t recognize the number. A guy on the other end said, “Is this Mike?” I answered, “Yeah, who is this?” he said “this is Mike too (sucks having the most popular guy name in the US) are you dating a girl named Barbara?” I felt something bad brewing “Uh huh, what’s it to you?” He said,”I just thought you should know that I am dating her too, not only that but I think there is a third guy and believe it or not, his name is Mike.” I let the phone sit for a while as my stomach dropped and my head was hit with a slushy like brain freeze.
I had a strange feeling about Barbara for a while but I was so into her that I just ignored it. I was needy and probably would have emotionally benefited from the message in He’s just not that into you. Fortunately I didn’t have that book around and I learned how never to repeat this.

At the time lessons like this really hurt but now they are very valuable. Was she just not into me? No, she was into me and two other Mike’s. I certainly felt like she was not into me and because of my need I was drawn to become a member of her harem.

Why are you responsible

YES this is a good message for a girl/guy who is overly needy, chasing someone that is not reciprocating. The message might help them move on BUT… I feel this is just like your doctor saying, “well the reason you have diabetes is genetic, there is nothing you can do.” BULLSHIT… that doctor is not taking into consideration that you are 200 pounds over weight! Yes genetics are a factor but you can do something about that factor. You can take responsibility for these things happening in your life. He is just not that into you?? Well maybe you are so desperate for his attention that you are stealing energy from him. You cannot do that… He will instinctively pull away or use you as a masturbatory device.

Combat the helplessness…

The secret is being able to sense the balance. If it is not there, for god sake don’t make it worse by demanding it! If he does not reciprocate pull back, and regroup. Maybe he really isn’t into you or maybe he is in love with your sister. Well great! Now you know the truth but if you push you are going to get a false positive and just like that guy texting you too often you are going to be removed from his life.

By saying he is just not that into you not only absolves the needy of responsibly it also says you can do nothing to create more attraction. This is ridiculous. Attraction is very much formed in the mind and you can control this. (do you remember that not so hot guy you dated that was so amazing!??) Are you a wallflower that relies on someone being into you before you can have a relationship?? No…! You must create that attraction; you must be fun, playful, cool and confident. Yes… Maybe he is not that into you but if you put your best foot forward 90% of the time he will be!

• You must be so into yourself that you would NEVER allow relationship imbalance
• A good sales person could sell you a dead muskrat, are you selling yourself well?
• He’s just not that into you, can be dangerous make sure you apply it appropriately
• Take responsibility for the situation and understand your role in it, now DON’T

Mike Masters
Writes a blog for women about relationships at http://mikethemasterdater.com

The first time I was exposed to the concept of complete responsibility was through Brian Tracy an amazing business/self improvement speaker. In a nut shell Brian would corner the listener and explain “you are responsible for what you have in life, not your parents, not the government, YOU.” This concept was not that strange since I already believed I was very much in charge of my life. However, the level of responsibility Brian was asking me to take I didn’t quite understand. I always felt that much was just luck of the draw; that it was not my fault if my boss was an ass or my girlfriend cheated. I thought the world was just full of jerks and I was unlucky enough to run into them periodically.

An old woman kicks my ass

I was in Japan and was training for a triathlon. I was training at the local public pool and was initially shocked that the pool was full of geriatrics! It was so annoying; they would float around bumping into me like injured manatees. To give you a little background I really struggled with older people in Japan. I felt they were very rude and xenophobic. This feeling came to a crescendo at the pool. I wanted to strangle one particular turkey necked woman who would PURPOSELY get in my way. I would try to pass her and feel her swerve out to block me. I could feel the anger ignite in me. I was training here!! I was a proper swimmer!! Get these freakin floating corpses away from me! I radiated hate as I did a flip turn a little too close the offending liver warted centurion. 10 minutes later I was in an argument with the lifeguard and was soon banned from the pool. To say the least I was livid. Still in an explosive state I asked a friend of mine for advice, he gave it to me but not in the form I desired, while looking for empathy I got honesty. “I hate to tell you this buddy but if was going to happen to someone it would happen to you.”  I got off the phone stunned by that comment and when I finally embraced my role in the dance I was ashamed.

This is an embarrassing story for me to tell because I am so ashamed by my behavior. I don’t know why I was such an ass, I was in a foreign country, and it was a public pool predominantly used by senior citizens. What in the hell made me think that I could force my will there? My anger and geriatric-phobia radiated out to the 30 senior citizens there and I managed to attract and antagonize the one angry one. It was clear to me that my frustration and nonacceptance was being reflected back at me. Unfortunately I was blind to it because I had shrouded myself in blame and finger pointing.

How does this possibly relate to dating???

I don’t have to like the angry lady that made my swimming so difficult. She was bitchy xenophobic pile of refuse but by radiating the same energy I ended up taking a huge whiff of her crap. What I am saying is don’t get caught in this trap! Don’t get caught in the cycle of finger pointing and fear. Sure he is an asshole, I totally agree with you! But so what!! Life is about happiness and if given another chance I would have never gotten kicked out of that pool. Maybe you feel this is offensive and you think “I am not that way, I didn’t bring this on. It was him! He was the liar! How could I be responsible for that???” I grew up lying to my stepfather but never my mother for simple reasons. He was very critical and I was afraid of him. Does that excuse my dishonesty? NO… but there is a reason why you are getting what you are getting. There are probably many reasons why and they can not be solved one at a time. The first step is to consider that you might have something to do with it.

• The greatest thing you will ever master is your own thinking, start now
• Afraid of him/her cheating? Guess what your brain will find for you…
• Energy draws energy, Hate draws hate and victims draw victimizers

Mike Masters
Writes a blog for women about relationships at www.mikethemasterdater.com

Danielle tries to move in

Nate seems like the marrying kind a guy. He draws girls that want to marry, like mosquitoes to a sweaty fat man. Nate doesn’t want to get married but he keeps getting stuck. The most recent girl was an adorable schoolteacher. They met at Nate’s birthday party, where he broke up with his girl friend and slept with her the same night. Oops… (I told him not to do that) I also told Nate to be careful with this one since she seemed really needy. Nate ignored me and dove head long into constant dinners and nightly sex. In under a week he had a new girlfriend. The relationship came to a skidding stop when Nate decided he wanted to buy another car. Nate said, “I think I’m gonna do it, I really like that truck.” Danielle, all smiles and cling said, “That’s great! You can drive that and I can drive your Tahoe!” “What do you mean?” said Nate. “You know… when I move in… I can sell my car and just drive yours.” The silence extended for about 20 seconds while it sunk in to both of them that they had radically different expectations for their relationship. Things ended shortly after.

The test drive slut

Ever test drive a car? I did recently when visiting my dad in Michigan. I have always wanted a hybrid SUV (I know it kinda defeats the purpose). I have never owned a new car and it was exhilarating driving down the snow banked Michigan roads. I pulled back into the dealership and was met by the salesman clone of Jim Carry, Grinning widely he said, “so… what’cha think!?” I said “Wow, that was great! I loved it.” He beamed at me showing too many teeth, “Great, great, let’s go inside and see what kind of financing you can get!” My expression went blank immediately, “ahh… I don’t think I am quite ready for that.” “No? well you drove it, you want to buy it right!? What’s wrong?? Do you think you can just test drive it and leave!? What am I supposed to think? How do you think I feel?? GOD, customers are all the same! All they want is a test drive!!!! JERK!!!” and he stormed inside.

I am Casanova

I lived with Q for about 4 years, what a cool guy. One night over copious quantities of beer Q confided in me that he was Casanova. Smugly he said, “I don’t know what it is but girls just fall in love with me.” It felt like he just told me he was inherently a better man than me and I fought the irritation. To shut him down and my own exasperation I said “Q, girls fall in love with about anyone, You, Me and Danny Divito, get over yourself.” I felt like a bit of an ass as the truth hit him. After sex, women tend to have far more emotions and expectations than men.

“Did last night mean anything???”

Of course a few girls are wired differently but most girls become very relationship driven after sex. This is when relationship killers like “So… did last night mean anything?” are blurted out. The guy is there for a test drive and the girl inevitably wants the sale. Trying to get the guy to buy when he is not ready is the fastest way to lose him. To drive this point home watch the movie How to lose a guy in 10 days, hilarious yet SO TRUE… You must become a master of your own emotions if you want to sell that car. You must learn to have a poker face and let him make the choice on his own. Don’t be afraid of the uncomfortable silence while the customer decides. You made your pitch you gave a test drive, he doesn’t want to buy? Find a better customer…

• Can you imagine a girl proposing to a guy? Shut up and let him take the first step
• Sex is an emotionally loaded gun, don’t do it if you can’t control yourself
• Not reciprocating your feelings does not make him an asshole
• The fastest way to lose poker is by showing emotion

Fired from my Job

The first time I was fired from a waiter job it was crushing to me. I was 19, when the news was coldly delivered I shamefully teared up in front of everyone. I escaped the restaurant that night but kept in touch with coworkers. “I didn’t do anything wrong! He is such an asshole!” Some avoided me, some agreed with me, one crusty older chef said, “Yeah he really had a hard-on to fire you” I agreed, not understanding but eager for support. I longed for that job, wanting a second chance. About one year later new management took over and I applied again. The fact I was fired was still on file and crushingly I was turned down. I left thinking what the hell is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? I don’t deserve this!
A few months ago I walked by the closed wreckage of my old restaurant. Even the prime location against the surf of the pacific could not save it. I felt a sense of nostalgia and loss. A hole inside of me was still there yearning to be accepted by the boarded up shell of this old building.

One of the most important lessons I have ever learned

When I lost my job at the restaurant I didn’t move on. I didn’t learn, I focused ONLY on being right. I wanted to catch the manager in the parking lot after work and beat the crap out of him. I AM RIGHT DAMN IT!! I AM A GOOD GUY! PEOPLE LIKE ME!! I didn’t do it, instead I found another job just like it and got fired. Found the same job again, again and again about 6 times before something started to sink in. Am I responsible? Am I choosing this kind of job, manager, situation on purpose???

When you insist on being right and refuse to accept what IS you are doomed to repeat it until you learn the lesson.

The power of next

Everyone demands to be right because they refuse to shake up their framework of how the world works. This leaves most of us gasping for vengeance when a relationship crumbles around us.

This was not the first time Terry was treated terribly by Kyle, it was the third… She kept going back to him because he left a huge hole in her ego by dumping her again and again. Terry kept trying to get this piece of ego back from him, desperately needing to fix what he had damaged. Maybe the third time around he would finally show her that she was worth loving. NEXT!!! Is what she should have said the first time. NEXT!!! She should have screamed at the walls. She should have moved on right away. When you yell NEXT!! at a bad relationship, you may not understand what went wrong. You may not know what you are responsible for but you will avoid the vicious cycle of repeating your mistake. Eventually you may understand, it may take years BUT you must have faith. Moving on from something ugly and letting go of the desperate need to preserve your ego is probably the best advice I will ever give on my blog.

• It just didn’t work out… Why? Not your business! NEXT!!!
• Let him/her keep that part of your ego, it will come back when you no longer need it
• Focusing on being right is in the opposite direction of peace
• Will you still care a year from now? or a month? Just move on…NEXT!!

Mike Masters
Writes a blog about relationships at www.MikeTheMasterDater.com

Lynn likes black guys

Lynn really likes black guys, she has never had much success with white guys. Her mother is not very pleased that for the last 10 years, she has been bringing home the wrong color . Thank GOD Lynn does not listen to her mother… Why does Lynn break this cultural Taboo in the city of Detroit, One of the most racist places in the US? Lynn feels that she is far more appreciated by black guys. She has a bit more junk in the trunk, which she feels is not very appreciated by whities. If Lynn goes into a bar she feels that a much higher quality black guy will talk to her than a white guy. Since Lynn does not fit the Barbie physique, she does not feel confident around the guys that hold this up as their ideal.

The dork finally gets the girl

Japan is a heaven for geeky guys. Endless streams of dorky Western guys get their first girlfriend in Japan. Although some of them go a little Austin Powers on the place and don’t know when to stop! There is a pretty funny cartoon about this in a popular Japanese magazine for foreigners. It is about a geeky guy in Japan that becomes CHARISMA MAN!!!, his arch enemy is the WESTERN GIRL… In japan Charisma Man is complemented for his physique when in his home country he was ridiculed. He is told he looks like Brad Pitt when he more closely resembles Forest Gump. He is popular for once in his life only fearing that his arch enemy Western Girl might force him back in the box from whence came.

Barbie is pissed

It was strange to see an average guy become a superstar in Japan but even more fascinating, to see a pretty girl become average. For most guys this was delightful… Barbie was no longer desired, in fact Barbie couldn’t even get a date! This inevitably drives a lot of girls out of Japan desperately wanting the attention they originally had in their home country. So why didn’t the western girls date the Japanese guys? Good question! This is where their Ken doll image of the perfect guy failed them. The Japanese guys tended to not be as large or tall as westerners. They were very polite and often not masculine enough for western girls. Often Japanese men were very intimidated by western girls and were terrified to ask them out. This is a horrible shame.

Sharon breaks the rules

Sharon was a very cool girl… She and I become good friends when I first moved to Japan. She was one of the few girls not bitter about western guys choosing Japanese girls. Sharon was smart, she realized that she was ignoring a vast resource of men by focusing on westerners only. The major problem was that Sharon was a bit bigger than the Japanese girls. She was model tall and had a full figure. Sharon wanted to be with a bigger guy to make her feel more feminine, (understandable but not necessary!) She was brilliant in finding the solution… Sharon boldly started visiting the local fire station where the men were much taller and beefier than the typical guy. The firefighters where excited and baffled at this tall large breasted western girl giving them attention! She was instantly rolling in men… She was invited to many fire fighter functions and eventually married one of them.

Trout or Bass?

Imagine that you are a fisherman and the most popular fish to catch is bass. There are a lot of other fishermen fishing for bass too and the competition is high. You might catch one or two bass on a good day but it is barely enough to feed you. One day the wind kicks up and you are blown into a new area. Suddenly you catch a trout! and another, and another!! You now have 10 fish in your bucket. You take out a trout and look at it. It is not as big as a bass but it has it’s own qualities. You eat the trout and it is very good, the flavor is different but still delicious! If you are smart you say “screw bass!” I like trout!

Break the norm

The guy is short, thin, bald, black, white, Asian, a garbage man, a computer geek. So what…!!! If you are valued by someone not the norm embrace this!! This is your trout, it may make other people uncomfortable but this is your life not theirs.

• If you are in a lake of hungry trout why are you demanding bass?
• In a sea of trout finding a great one is much easier than in a pond of bass
• Did you like coffee the first time? That different guy is the same
• Your happiness is far more important than your families/friend’s discomfort

Why is it that the little kid in us remains at every age? When my roommate’s 2 year old daughter lies it is pretty obvious. Although it might be hard for you to recognize since you may not want to see it! but it is still there. The child in us knows that our honesty can be read through the eyes and it seeks to avoid capture. This indicator is more obvious with a very honest guys since they are not practiced at deception. The most fascinating thing to me is that even the MOST honest guy/girl will still be driven to cheat and lie about it.

9. He started password protecting his phone and or computer

He might as well put a sign on his forehead saying “I HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE!” Now if he works for the FBI I might understand but… please. The only time I have been tempted to do this was when I caught my significant other snooping through my computer. I came home from work and my email was jacked up. “What happened to my computer??” I said looking at Sayuri. She started trembling and burst into tears saying that she thought she saw an email from an ex of mine. I laughed and told her it was okay but if she ever did it again I would tickle her until she puked.

8. Affections change radically to very strong or very weak

Affections turn strong for two reasons. He is in sexually charged state because he is involved with a woman he is very attracted to OR he feels an acute sense of guilt and loss, which leads to him being more emotionally affectionate.

His affections die for two reasons as well. The girl has completely eclipsed you because he is so obsessed and “in lust” AND/OR he is using her to move on from you because he was not satisfied with the relationship he has with you.

7. Turns off his phone when he is with you

This is a guilt avoidance tactic. He knows deep down that if she calls he is going to betray himself to you. Not only that but women seem to have a sixth sense when he is around another girl and they choose that time to call and text their brains out! Only a bit more experienced cheater will know to do this. Many guys will, like idiots, respond to the texts and the ringing phone. Good for you, busts him.

6. The obvious, foundation on his shirt, lipstick, hair clip, etc

This one is so funny because it is so avoidable. A lot of guys don’t know this but girls love to leave “land mines” for other girls to find. Once I broke up with a partner for a while and then got back together. In the mean time I met some other people, well, a lot of other people… When we got back together I had to comb my house for these mines. I found, 2 hair clips, one lip stick, tampons in the trash, two earrings both different AND a tooth brush!! I was very impressed. About a week after we started up again I gave her back a pair of T-back panties she left. They turned out not to be hers…

5. Change in appearance, starts caring about his body

I think the heaviest and most out of shape I have ever been was when I was in a serious relationship and it was not just me. Both of us beef-caked up a good 20bls! I remember when we decided to go on a diet together and for some silly reason we took nude Polaroids of each other (yes I am that old) and with permanent marker circled the bad areas. This was ultra embarrassing when someone found them at our house party and they circulated, she never forgave me.

I am sure it has happened to you when you have met an amazing guy. You took one look at your body and thought, “he is not going to like this horrible lumpy thing, I need the gym!” being in lust is a wonderful motivator for weight loss.

4. He is jealous of you

This one is the creepiest of the bunch, I discovered it by of course doing it. I once was absolutely convinced my girl was cheating! We got into a huge argument about her faithfulness until it forced my dishonesty out, oops…

Here is how the rational goes. If I am cheating she must be too because I cannot stand to be the only asshole in this relationship. Not only that but people love to project on to others. Angry? “People are such shits!!” Cheater? “EVERYONE ALWAYS CHEATS! Why even date…” So if he starts drilling you about who you were with out of the blue. It might pay to take a second look at his actions.

3. Repeats the same story or assumes he already told you

I have a rule. Never date more than 3 people at the same time. I know you are thinking this is a very conservative rule! Why not 4 or 5?? Well what I found was that the brain starts making some pretty colossal mistakes past the number three. “Jenny? I didn’t call you Jenny, did I?! “We saw that movie on Friday right…?” “Oops, I guess those are not your earrings…”

Now if he is cheating I imagine it is only one girl but it is still pretty hard to keep things straight. So when he says to you, “didn’t I already tell you that?” be suspicious! The person that he did tell must be awfully similar for his brain to categorize the two of you in the same place. As for telling the same story? Maybe he is just an airhead like me but his brain might have once again gotten confused as to which girlfriend he shared it with.

2. Can’t answer or talk on suspicious evenings like Fri or Sat night

One of the most simple indicators but very common. Unless one or both of the cheaters is privately employed they are off on Saturday and Sunday. So why can’t he answer his phone? Or why the hell is it shut off?? If he never shut off his phone before and is MIA 7 to 1 at night, I would worry. Sometimes I see my dad in Santa Barbara to go watch a movie but not every weekend and it usually was not very romantic!

1. The “friend” category in his life keeps increasing

And the number one indicator!! The Suspicious friends…

“I was out with friends, you know Jason from work… the guy that you have met only once and know nothing about…” This is what I call the Anonymous Alibi. He is going to Vegas with Jason? Really… He has no pictures to show you? Hmmm…

Jason, I am sure exists, which helps him lie. “It was amazing! Jason had a run at blackjack and made $800 bucks! Then he got so drunk I had to hold his hair out of his face while he puked! You should have been there!”Wow, Jason has some long hair and probably gives good head when your boyfriend isn’t holding it!!

The key is that you can’t check in on the new friend OR… God forbid, he has a real friend to lie for him. Double whammy, not only is he a liar but his friends are too. Bad sign ditch him and move on ASAP.

Bullets.

• Once you discover and prove such a thing move on… please, for me…? Don’t be one of those girls that will never be respected again because you accepted infidelity.
• Cheating happens and is not done by exclusively men, in my experience men and women cheat equally. Don’t make this an excuse to hate men. Instead ask why did I choose this kind of guy?
• Men cheat for similar reasons you might, a lack of love/attention and they are horny! But for men that order is reversed.
• Remember the world is a projection of what is inside you, want a great guy? Work on yourself not him.

In my 20s I met an amazing girl, she was smart beautiful funny and enjoyed sex as much as I did! In fact the first time we went to bed together we didn’t get out for about 5 days!! No joke.. After the five days we realized that we were running out of food and the sheets were getting crusty. This was magical pornographic moment.. I think it was the first time in my life that I fell in love/lust and wow what a drug!!

Our relationship was about 6 months old when Sharon moved in with me (bad idea). We were so incredibly in love that every thing was perfect, well except for when it wasn’t.

Fathoms below!!One day Sharon and I go to a gay bar in Santa Barbara called “Fathom” which brought to my mind big gay pirates on the high seas, exploring the fathoms of their partners, sorry.. We were the only straight couple in the bar, no idea why we were there, maybe because we were not supposed to be? I order us a cosmo, the most popular drink at the time and we drink one, two, three each. The bartender is VERY heavy handed and in a dirty pirate way, winks at me every time I get another round. We sit in the corner together mildly intoxicated with love and liquor. I felt the love for her as strong as any emotion I have ever felt and I decided to say one of the stupidest things I have ever said in my life. “Sharon will you get engaged to me?”

AHHH!!!! Dumb ass!! This was such an idiotic thing to say because I had no idea what it meant!! I thought getting engaged was about at serious as a promise ring. Something couples did when they were in love and were thinking about getting married, I didn’t know it was some sort of contract!! I was in a gay bar – about three STRONG drinks to the wind and I was asking Sharon to marry me. And I didn’t even know it. She said yes, we cried and then I cried again when I realized what I had done.

Sharon to this day remains one of the most amazing girls I have ever met, would we have made a good couple? NO WAY! 13 years later I realize that there is NO WAY I could have lasted longer than 2 years with this girl no matter how much I loved her. Granted she has changed since we first met and I no longer know her. I recently found her wedding pictures online. She ended up marrying the “other” guy that was always butting into our relationship. It was hard to see those pictures at first, since it brought to my mind a life that I could have had. Then I snapped out of it. HELL NO!!! I no longer found the girl in the picture even attractive and reading her comments on photos told me that she was as acidic and sarcastic as ever. Not my type.

Now this is were it gets sticky. Maybe I am wrong? Maybe if I had married Sharon I would have had a wonderful life? We could have really worked in a highly dysfunctional way (ignore my cynicism) I keep disqualifying everyone I meet, even the wonderful girl in Japan I am dating. Why would I do this? Because it is true? That I am such an amazing guy I am never going to find my equal? Or is it a lie? Is it really that I am only deathly afraid of getting married and making any and every excuse to stay out of it?

No matter how I reflect and second-guess myself I will still remain single and my heart will continue to harden. I will become more and more selfish single guy and seek out more and more shallow relationships to slake a thirst I can never quench.

WOW, So serious!!!

I will eventually get married but we are both going through a very selfish time. This happens to a lot of people in their thirties and it’s called CAREER! I don’t know why but most of my friends are the same. I figure once I pop out the other side and am a little more stable I will want to settle down. (that is if someone can handcuff me to the alter) So if you are thinking about tying the knot? Just go for it! you can always get divorced in 5 years!