The age difference, are older men and younger women better suited?
So a friend and a reader just wrote me an email saying she is dating a guy ten years older than her. She thought it might be a good topic to address and I agree since I have rarely dated women my same age.
13 years younger than me!
I remember when I realized for the first time how old the girl was that I had just slept with. She was surprised too and we both felt very awkward. When I met her I was under the impression that she was mid twenties, and she thought I was the same. Our ages came out when I saw a picture of her mother and was surprised at how young she looked. I asked her age, “My mom just turned 39.” I creased my eyebrows a bit in concentration, “What?? Was your mom 15 when she had you?” “No, she was the same age as I am” she said. “Wait… that means you’re… 19???” “Yes” she said with a smile. I looked at her a bit serious, “Sayu I am only 6 years younger than your mother.” Her eyebrows rose in surprise and her mouth formed a small oval.
Sayu and I were 13 years apart in age but we ended up together for over three years. I still love her very much but in the end the gap was a little too large and we separated a few months back. We were well matched in so many ways but the power balance was off just enough to put a hole in our relationship boat.
Are older men better suited for younger women??
I think they are but 13 years is honestly a little too much. I think 5-10 years is ideal, however there are a lot of pros and cons to dating an older guy!
Pros of an older guy:
1. More mature
2. More Life experience to share
3. If fit, are more experienced lovers
4. Are more faithful if they have a history of it
5. Often have greater financial stability
6. Are more interested in having a family
7. Have greater confidence and experience
8. Are able to communicate better and maintain a healthy relationship
9. Have had a lot of the bad behavior trained out of them by past women
10. Can help you grow radically in order to “catch up” with them
11. You will be exposed to so many new things that younger men don’t have the finances for or the maturity (travel, lifestyle, business, nice stuff)
Cons of an older guy
1. Could be horrible in bed if not fit
2. Might have kids or an ex wife
3. Have more life experience and thus might control the relationship too much
4. If they have a history of cheating this will continue
5. Are more set in their ways (DANGER!)
6. Your family might be freaked out a bit
7. May not have as strong a sex drive
8. Could be in a mid life crisis and wants a young woman
9. Are not as attractive/fit as younger guys
10. A relationship with them might alienate you from your younger friends
11. Probably doesn’t want to go clubbing
College guys and high school girls
I have always observed that younger girls have always gone for older guys. In high school this was incredibly frustrating since I couldn’t compete with guys in college taking out the senior girls enamored with them. The really frustrating part was that the college girls had no interest in me unless they thought I was in college too. (I must admit I was not very honest and I lied my way into as many college parties) I realized as early as this that they older guys simply are more attractive to women than the younger ones. They had so much more cash and experience but now at 36 the tables are turned!! (don’t worry I don’t want a high school girl)
Why do older men go for younger women?
It is too bad but I think guys are awfully shallow with age. If given a choice most men will choose a younger woman. Look at some of the more famous in the acting community. Patrick Stewart is currently dating a woman half his age! He seems like a pretty together guy upstairs but still he is drawn to a woman that is young enough to be his daughter!
My friend Dale and his two women
When my buddy Dale told me he wanted to get engaged to a girl literally half his age I was a little shocked. He was 36 at the time and she was 18. To her credit she had a lot going for her and was extremely intelligent but… she didn’t have the emotional maturity Dale needed. After about 8 months of living together they peaceably separated.
Recently Dale started dating a professional businesswoman about 30. She is sweet, intellectual and wants to have a family. Dale really likes this woman and I must say that she seem much more suited to him. They only drawback is that he feels she is a bit boring, something that I have experienced often when girls get closer to my age.
The race car
I think a lot of guys in their 30’s and 40’s go for the younger women for the same reason they want a sports car. They feel that their youth is slipping and they long for the college life that got torn away by a job and a failed marriage. This is often solved by the sports car and the college aged girlfriend.
Is it always this way?
There are so many variables in any relationship that it is hard to give anything too concrete! However I do think being with a guy 5-10 years older than you, tends to put you at the same speed in life. Guys just take a little longer to be on the same page with you quickly maturing women! The only major pitfall is that he may have a little too much power in the relationship, which will eventually destroy it.
So what about older women and younger men? I don’t know… what do you think?
This has been a guest post by Mike Masters, dating guru and author of http://www.mikethemasterdater.com
So a friend and a reader just wrote me an email saying she is dating a guy ten years older than her. She thought it might be a good topic to address and I agree since I have rarely dated women my same age.
13 years younger than me!
The first time I encounter infidelity
I am a dipshit
Grrrr…
Danielle tries to move in
All four of them where sitting in the hot tub at John’s house, consoling their frustrations at Kyle with alcohol and anger. John noticed Kyle calling for the 5th time that day and finally picked up the phone. “Who is over there!?, who is with you!?” John sighs a bit “No one, Kyle…” Marie grabs the phone from John. “You fucking asshole!! Fucking all of us all at the same time! Without a fucking condom!” she breathes violently waiting for a response but Kyle has already hung up. Terry laughs approvingly since she is one of the many girls Kyle has lied to. He has led each girl on with promises of love and a serious relationship. Finally Kyle’s fragile house built of lies collapsed around him and even his guy friends feel alienated .
I have a little frustration and anger towards social pressures put on all of us to pick a certain type of guy/girl. We go out with someone that does not fit this ideal and we nervously glance around see if anyone recognizes us! Personally I refuse to go out with the Ken or Barbie of the dating world. I find that they are valued WAY MORE than what they are worth. Barbie is usually a tall blond with big boobs and a powerful Job. Ken is a six footer with sandy hair and inevitably a brainless lawyer that goes to strip bars on the weekends. Why do we value these people so much, when someone a little different might be so much better? You may not have impressed the friends or family with Akbar the research student but… who… fucking… cares…
10. Large reduction in eye contact when asking about suspicious situations
I am 35 and never been married. Granted I look and act like I am in my 20’s! (ego stroke, ahh feels good..) I once heard that if a man makes it to the age of 30 without being married he is either really intelligent or very unattractive. I like to lean towards the first one! but being single is great! well I’m kinda single. I think after the age of 30 you feel single even if you are dating. Girlfriend/boyfriend? Well, they are like buses and there is always another coming. The truth is I am dating someone in Japan. I don’t think the long distance is a good idea but she makes it work and I am afraid of her.
