My husband was still parking the car when the man exactly next to me exclaimed “You’ve got to check this out!” Of course I looked; his not-so-subtle tenor demanded it like a bull horn. I sat there, curious to see what the heck all the hoopla was about, and watched mesmerized while he took his first two fingers and spread the image on his iPhone, exposing (to my horror) some woman’s vaj to his friends. Of course my jaw dropped open and I looked away; Did I really just see what I think I saw? I looked back in disbelief. There it was, now even closer. The guy was waving it around like a first-place ribbon. His two friends seemed stoked with this display of raunch, lust, and desire, and reached for their phones to rustle up their own pics. I think part of me was shocked because these guys looked like men, grown men over 45, well dressed and, I would have imagined, well educated. If I had only heard them I would have guessed they were 12 years old.

OMG, I say to myself…what the? That’s when my husband walked in. He sat down and we started to talk, but honestly I couldn’t stop listening to this crap on the other side of me. I filled him in about what I just observed and he didn’t believe me, Okay, he thought at minimum I was exaggerating…which, okay, sometimes I do, but in this case I didn’t need to. And I saw his point. Who would believe it if someone told you that three grown, married men were passing pictures of women they have humped or wanted to hump back and forth like pubescent twelve-year-olds who just got a hold of their first Playboy magazine?

I tried to drop it but it just kept getting worse, and louder! (No, they were not drunk. They were casually drinking…good wine, I might mention.) I was starting to get physically uncomfortable and disgusted. One of the married guys (two were married, one was divorced) was gloating about how this babe he f’ed in high school was trying to connect with him on Facebook, and while he was showing his friends some half-naked pic he asked them if, by the way, they would want to fher too. The other guy started whizzing through his FB account to find a pic of the gal he had just f-ed the night before, and then after he showed her off he fingered through his other “friends” on FB to find the pic of the one he claimed he was about to f tonight. This, my husband heard.

When I got up to use the ladies room (in which I wanted to vomit), my husband overheard them discussing the affectionate names they have come up with for all this f-ing: He reported when I returned: Two women in one night, a double. Two women on a Friday, then two women on a Saturday night a double-double, and so on. Apparently a double triple was the crowning achievement; something none of them could admit to but all three pathetically aspired to.

Look, it’s one thing to kiss and tell another to hump and advertise. It’s just bad form, really. And a while most of us have done some crazy/foolish stuff, publicly disrespecting women at any age is unacceptable and is personally where I draw the line. Partially because I have not yet met a married woman—never mind a married person—that I believe would ever want to know that their partner held them in such low regard.

So naturally I did what anyone would in my position would: I stood up, gallantly took three steps towards my evening bag, plunged my hand in and grabbed my phone. Then I gracefully yet deliberately turned around, leaned into them all and…took their picture. Seeing as they were such big fans of voyeurism I thought they might appreciate that. Now they know in the back of their minds that there are people like me lurking about, hoping to as lovingly but fiercely as possible take a stand for RESPECT and announce with equal candor where and when it needs to be displayed.

No one would dare kid themselves that lust and desire does not visit us all from time to time, yet we do have a choice as adults (one definition in the U.S. of the end of puberty, sadly, is “Persons over forty”) of how we control such impulses. It’s time to put a stop to this vulgar energetic malevolence towards our women, the feminine in us all, and I say now is the time for some respect.

So instead of haphazardly hanging our dirty laundry in public, choose public places that are more conducive like…say the gutter or a strip club. Or at least try to be mindful that you are indeed in a public place and not everyone might share your taste for the maligned.

So there you have it; an absolute rant, albeit from my heart. Would love to hear your thoughts and, as I mentioned, especially what you would do if one of these men were your husband?

The first thing I would share would be to stop at nothing to know the truth. Particularly know the truth about who you are, your relationship to the Divine, real love, life purpose, what you respect, how you treat yourself, and what you stand for.

Next I would offer some pearls of real love and wisdom I have collected from beloved friends and wise persons that have saved my soul and at times my sanity: “There is no competition for my true life’s purpose, so there is no reason to hurry or worry about anything,” “Be who you are, everyone else is taken,” “People treat you the way you treat yourself,” “You are stronger than you think,” “If you can see it, it’s possible,” and “You’re always doing one of two things: creating connection or separation!”

About children I would beg you: to consider that they need respect, to feel safe and to have an enlightened witness; to understand that being a parent is a privilege; to see your children’s unique selves rather than projecting onto them what you didn’t get; to know that the same God that shines on you shines on them and they can know the truth; and to remember that they chose you as their benevolent servant to help escort them onto their own unique and magnificent path.

On relationships I would offer that: YOU are the ONE; slow down…real love doesn’t have a shelf life; chemistry is a terrible litmus test for choosing a great partner; never, ever, settle; watch what people say and what they do and make sure they match; don’t let anyone tell you sex doesn’t mean anything—your body is sacred, you are sacred and sex is sacred; and, know this…that which you seek is seeking you!

On community I strongly suggest that you find your unique place and serve as though your life depends on it, and assure you that: you have a right to be here too, be who you are and treat yourself well; respect everyone as your brother and sister; there but for the grace of God go I; there is no other; and take care to be the kind of friend you want to have!

On humanity, I know that: The Divine is my source of everything and my life purpose; who I really am is eternal; there is no “there”; everything but love is a projection; healing only happens in the field of love and by the grace of God; I am no-thing, I am no-one, I am that that I am…I am blessed to be and offer you every blessing that you awaken to know the truth and have the courage to stay awake at every turn, even in the face of death.

And a few Maryanne-isms I have enjoyed chanting throughout the years as part of my practice: “Just because your mind tells you something doesn’t mean it’s true,” “People who believe in nothing greater than themselves do damage,” “When all else fails stop, drop, and roll: stop pointing at them and look in the mirror, drop into yourself and seek the truth about what’s really going on, then roll around in your options and choose carefully,” “No one can EVER take God away from you,” and, like I always say, “Great relationships begin within!”

Here are my Seven Essential Truths and their practices:

• The Human Body Holds Infinite Wisdom
Practice: Listen to Your Body

• Energy Doesn’t Lie
Practice: Move Your Body

• A Clear Body Channel Holds the Highest Truth
Practice: Put Good Things in Your Body

• The Mind is a Wonderful Servant but a Terrible Master
Practice: Put only Good Thoughts in Your Mind

• You are the Sum Total of the Five Closest People You Associate With
Practice: Surround Yourself with Supportive People

• Your Life Purpose is the North Star on Your Journey
Practice: Keep Your Eye on the Ball

• You Have Unlimited Access to a Power Greater than Yourself
Practice: Pray for Guidance

Let me explain. It’s true I wasn’t socialized in the country (think indoor ferns, Fresca and 70s atriums and you’ll get the picture). Like most parents in the greater suburbia where I was raised, mine dispensed controlled doses of wildlife: touring Yosemite in a fully equipped motor home, strolling through the aquarium at Golden Gate Park or the occasional trip to the Zoo. I have a picture of me in my stroller attempting to fend off this crazy goat who was trying to eat my favorite blanket, and instead of being encouraged to express my disdain I was coddled and hushed. Unlike my brothers who were alternately encouraged to wrestle and fend, I didn’t even get so much as a pat on the back for my obvious courage. Not once was I ever told to go forth and sow my wild oats, sail the seven seas or explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilization…to boldly go where no man has gone before, etc.

Nope, instead I was strongly encouraged to internalize my distress, to calm down, that in fact was what really happening was that I needed to be calmed, that I was being hysterical, and that there was nothing to be afraid of. If I showed you the picture of me and that goat you would see for yourself; I was clearly not afraid…I was pissed. Not the damsel in distress I was thusly (and forever more) in training for, who henceforward was cautioned at every turn and snarl that the world was a scary place, that someday someone would come and rescue me and in the meantime to cross my legs and think of Jesus.

If you think about it, associating nature in terms of gender is about as ridiculous as the idea of men wearing wigs, yet remember Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, notable men who fought for and touted individual freedom? Like most lofty ideals, the ideal of gender-equal Nature becoming distorted goes with the territory, or so it seems—hence my skewed “environmental identity.” Instead of being encouraged to explore and investigate my external world I was kept caged like a zoo animal, forced to the confines of my imagination as Nature and the wild life was reserved for those with more brawn (or Y chromosomes).

Though I didn’t always succumb to this gender conformity (I did climb my fair share of trees, wander into a field here and there and even discover an abandoned life-size doll house that I stole away to every chance I got one blissful summer), I unfortunately continued to struggle over the years with the idea that Nature was to be feared and not to be ventured into alone.

Until recently, when I met an unsuspecting group of Nature activists and enthusiasts including Henry David Thoreau, Annie Dillard, James Hillman, and my brilliant, loving teachers and classmates, all helping me “get so that my feeling is in right relation to the world I am in” as James Hillman put it. Helping me realize that nature isn’t a place, it’s not “out there” or separate from me, but actually I am Nature.

What a glorious realization to see that what I have believed for so long, that great relationships begin within, was essentially my guiding light…ultimately illuminating that after all, I am Nature. And while men wearing wigs seems an odd sequitur, I am relieved by the realization that some things in life are indeed inherently natural, while others are just sublimely ridiculous.

I wish you every blessing wherever you find yourself on this journey…inside or out…

Fast forward, here we are, still obsessed with youthful beauty a million years later (give or take a few million). So much so that a major portion of our economy is driven by our deep fear of being ugly and unlovable. Sadly, despite our knowledge that fecundity is at the root of this propaganda, most of us have been hypnotized to believe that we must alter the natural course of time—hack up, needle and bleed our faces—in order to avoid this possible dejection or, eventually, reality.

But what if I told you that your attempts to reverse the aging process, while making you appear younger, might also force you to repeat life lessons already braved (and perhaps barely survived) in your teens, twenties and so on? What if erasing your crow’s feet or laugh lines actually sucks the joy right out of you? Or having that nose job could radically shift your ability to live a rich and abundant life? (Ever wonder why Barbra Streisand didn’t get one?) That altering your hairline could change the course of your life forever…and not in a good way? According to expert Jean Haner’s book, The Wisdom of Your Face, every line and wrinkle, mole and crevasse on your face actually means something important, and before you go erasing it you may want to consider the potential consequences.

Chinese face reading is an ancient branch of Chinese medicine, which teaches that you are born with a personal blueprint that is yours and yours alone, and that this inner architecture can be read in your outer design—the features of your face.

Your face reflects your true inner spirit, who you came here to be and what you came here to learn. The wisdom written there explains why you think, feel, and behave as you do, and answers two of the most important questions you need to ask yourself in life: Who am I and what is my calling?

“Each of your features has a message for you about who you really are inside, the kind of work that will bring you joy, what relationships will be fulfilling for you, and most of all, how to feel compassion for yourself and everyone you encounter.”

While being attractive is nice and has some benefits, someone wanting to hump you isn’t really one of them, is it? Never mind the harshness of that ego reality, the truth is there will always be someone younger and more attractive than you, so why not hedge your bets and spend more attention dealing with the inner work as—surprise—says Jean Haner. ”Doing the inner work will soften all those lines and wrinkles naturally as your inner radiance shines through!” Think of Juliette Binoche, a natural beauty unafraid to furrow her brow or raise her eyebrows and show us her badges of honor striped across her forehead. Or, heck, Mother Theresa; while not known for being a ship launcher per se, she had a face whose radiance and devotion none of us will ever forget.

So next time you consider sticking a needle in your third eye, take a deep breath and ask yourself, who defines your worth? What will looking younger really do for you? When will you be ready to get older? How do you want to be remembered?

“I get we all want to look great, but I would choose a face covered with laugh lines, a furrowed brow and whatever map that reflects life well lived over a paralyzed and joyless face any day!” Michael, 49, CA

Why not join the ranks of women who are giving up the needle and deciding to grow into maturity more naturally…or as naturally as we can stand? You’ll be setting a great example of defying gravity for your daughters and generations to come, and in the meantime you’ll also be a sending a message to our consumer society that banks on us feeling unattractive and insecure so they can drive profits into THEIR pockets! Why not take a stand and be beautiful from the inside out?

We would also love to hear your natural secrets on how you stay healthy and glowing! Send them to info@maryannelive.com and we’ll post them on our site. Bye for now, my beauties!

While most of us have developed various coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with such blustery situations, including confrontation, therapy, drinking heavily, freaking out, leaving and divorce, the pink elephant is quite a different animal! For those who aren’t so familiar with this unwelcome visitor, the pink elephant is commonly referred to as “… an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.” (Wikipedia) You see, in most cases when confronted with certain truths we know what to do, or at least have some vague idea and are compelled to take action because some line has been crossed and all people involved implicitly agree and act accordingly. Whereas when the pink elephant appears…it just hangs there like the house guest who never leaves.

Some examples might be: your roommate keeps eating all your food and never admits it or offers to pay, but you don’t say anything because you can’t afford to live there without them so you carry on as if nothing’s wrong, him shamelessly eating his way through your house and home and you cringing every time you see him secretly wanting to scream: “STOP EATING MY FOOD, YOU FOOD STEALER, LEECH, COUCH POTATO, MOOCHER!” Or maybe your boyfriend drinks too much, too often and embarrasses and scares you, but you don’t say anything because he says he can’t live without you and…you are financially dependent on him and afraid to be alone so you muddle through growing more and more emotionally distant, eventually having angry or passive obligatory sex because now you can’t stand when he touches you, yet you don’t have the courage or resources to say no, so you don’t.

Or maybe your closest relative, the one you have spent every birthday and holiday with for most of your life, has just embezzled money from his boss (who you know intimately) and neither one of you says anything to the other partly because you are in shock, you can’t believe they would ever do such a thing, and partly because you don’t even know what to say. Really…what does one say in such circumstances? Weeks and months pass while you tell yourself they will come around, make things right…right? Then after months of no one saying anything, a family function presents itself and out of what feels like the complete blue they send you an invitation as though nothing’s happened and sign the card “love and miss you”… and you think What the?

Or maybe someone owes you money and said they would pay you, yet every time you see them they don’t mention it and well, because you’re a polite person and don’t want to seem rude or desperate or (fill in the blank) you suck it up and tell yourself, if they don’t mention it next time you will say something except in between now and next time you realize this isn’t the first time this has happened and that this person always seems to borrow money and not pay you back, and further has some convenient, tear-jerking story about why they can’t. So naturally you, being the loving, understanding person you are, wouldn’t ask someone who is down and out to pay you back when they are going through hard times…except you notice when you see them next they tell you about the trip they just took or the new jacket they just bought or show you their new cell phone and you think…What the…?

So, what do you do when you don’t know what to do? When clearly something is amiss and no one is saying anything about it? The great thing about the pink elephant phenomenon is that it disappears almost completely as soon as one person has the courage to speak it. Literally poof…gone. The challenge is, more often than not as I illustrated, it feels like so much is at stake so we put it off. The problem in that scenario is obvious: the elephant remains or in some cases, grows proportionately. So before you buy a voodoo doll or go postal or, worse, try to make the elephant your pet, here are a few suggestions I recommend when you find yourself faced with the pink beast:

How important is it? What’s the relative importance of this issue on a scale of paper-cut to open-heart surgery? If it’s really an ego issue or a matter of pride or some other such nonsense, then you may want to deal with that rather than make a bigger issue out of something when there is no need. On the other hand, if you decide it’s a major deal at least you have taken the first step to putting the situation in some perspective.

What have you really got to lose? There is an expression, “You can’t lose what you never had.” So why not take a real honest look and see what it is you’re really dealing with here. You may want to consult an expert, pray, see a therapist or talk openly with a friend. See if you can’t get some clarity and objective about the situation and see what’s truly at stake. Never underestimate the power of support nor the power of the Divine illumination!!

Take the high road! They call the high road the road less traveled for a reason; namely because it’s not always easy to say what needs to be said or do the right thing. Don’t let that stop you. As my mother always says, “This isn’t a dress rehearsal, bring you’re A game,” and in the end you will know in your heart you were true to yourself!

Trust yourself, above all…you know the answer. The truth is always right there inside you, sometimes it just takes a while to get our courage up to do what we know we have to! On that you can always rely!

It was simply Mother Nature’s way of tricking you into procreation. It’s terrible, I know. Just when you thought you had found the one (or at least a decent one), you had been hoodwinked by several hundred thousand watts of biological voltage surging from your brainstem up to and through your frontal lobes, saturating your ability to reason for a sustained (albeit relatively brief) period of time, prompting you to fall for someone who smelled and looked a certain way (indicators that they had a most dissimilar biology…and everything else, it turned out) and making you feel an overwhelming desire to have sex with this person with one goal in mind (not the goal we love to glorify); exponentially increasing the odds of the offspring’s survival.

If this biological ploy failed and you are still with said object of desire even after all that chemistry has worn off, I’ll bet you are either: fighting about your glaring differences because you have become attached (an altogether different type of chemical reaction), learning to tolerate this person you have likely very little in common with (other than your va-voom physical attraction), waiting for the lightning to strike again with someone else, wondering how you could have made such a terrible error in judgment, OR have fallen prey to another equally compelling kind of chemistry; your “love story.”

Let me explain, because while both kinds of chemistry are disarming, this one is far more complicated. Your love story is your early psychological imprint about love. When chemistry ignites, it means you have attracted someone who may match or resemble that. For example: you seem to attract stingy and emotionally unavailable people (like your mother or father), or really charming and fun alcoholics (like one of your parents), or people incapable of fidelity (perhaps your father), or people who love you one minute and forget you the next (maybe your mom was a narcissist).

Whatever your story (i.e., your psychological interpretation of love, which is a survival issue), these particular chemicals that flood your brain, making it seem this person is a good fit, create attraction based on familiarity and recognition; not necessarily an indicator of a good or healthy match. While this doesn’t always attract an opposite, per se, the unconscious choice we make will likely feel in the same league when and if we awaken and realize we have fallen into the chemistry trap.

But hey, come on, it’s going to be all right! We have frontal lobes now! I mean can you imagine when we didn’t? We don’t have to imagine, we can look back through time and count all that we have to be grateful for, namely that we have a choice. So then, what do we do about the tension, the build-up, that kind of friction that makes you want to devour someone, merge worlds, get lost in each other’s souls, leave your current situation/spouse/family/country?

My best advice is: think it through. Complementing someone with your differences is one thing, being incompatible due to real and glaring “great divides” is completely another. And try this: try to feel your attraction and not act on it. Maybe even feel it all the way down to your bones and surrender to it completely but DO NOTHING and see what happens? Just inquire. Then if you think it will kill you not to be near or possess the object of your desire, inquire into that, and so on. If you feel you cannot live a full and happy life without someone, inquire into that. Why? What are these stories and feelings about? Are they true, and if so, are you willing to pay the price for acting on them?

When we set out on the path of self-inquiry we still have the luxury of fooling ourselves, but why would we do that to ourselves? Why would we, once we know the truth, choose something that’s not for our highest good? Why would we go for the chemistry of opposites, in this case, if it isn’t what’s best for us and those around us? Inquire, I say…and then you tell me!

Then when you say potato and he says porn star…you can play with a different kind of chemical reaction and…RUN!

2) Lay it on the line: Most of us are afraid to look at the facts about our money situation. We don’t want to know what the bottom line really is, so we stay in denial and bumble along hoping things will change. The truth is, they won’t unless you change them! I say YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH and need to look at it. Take back your power: pull your credit report, make a list of how much money you have in the bank, how many credit cards you have, and what you owe. Spell it all out. No one is coming to rescue you but you, so suck it up, take a deep breath and look at it. Then (here’s the great part) you can choose what you want and what you’re willing to do to make that happen! We all know now that energy flows, so make an investment in getting the facts on your financial pulse.

3) Get on the same team: If you are in a relationship, fighting about money is pointless, whereas negotiating about it isn’t. Take the opportunity in this economy to get clear whose team you are on and what your goals are together. When you and your partner are on the same page there is nothing you cannot do, but if you’re constantly at odds I guarantee it will cost ya!

4) Be adventuresome and creative: Everyone is affected by the stress of survival on some level, and unless you want to be a perpetual stress victim you’re going to have to change your attitudes. You can start by seeing the world of finance and money as a game, and one you can both win. Get out there and see what you can do, and stop wasting time fighting about what you can’t. Find ways to achieve your goals together and it will bring you closer in the end.

5) Map out your next 5 years. My husband and I love this because first we look at what happened the previous five years; what worked, what didn’t, etc. Then we sit with paper and crayons and a tape recorder and off we go. What do WE want! And then we create the map on how to get there.

6) RITUAL ROCKS! Another thing I highly recommend is ritual in relationship. My husband and I sit together regularly and pull our Divination cards to get clarity on our work or issues at hand (go to www.freebeginwithin.com for a free reading). We also set new moon intentions throughout the year: on the new moon we write out our intentions for that month and it really creates a sense of unity and shared vision.

7) Everyone’s in the same boat: Try not watching so much TV and letting the images brainwash you into thinking everyone’s is rich and perfect EXCEPT you! It’s just HOGWASH! And, incidentally, not real or the truth about what’s happening on the planet right now. WE are all trying to make ends meet and ultimately THRIVE, and so often the media unconsciously undermines our efforts. Don’t waste time feeling like you are the only ones because you are not: take the three hours a day you spend in front of the idiot box and invest them into your relationship, yourself and your dreams!

8) Gratitude as the portal: By the way, the average person on the planet makes a whopping three dollars a day, so let’s start with some gratitude…it’s a fabulous portal when times are tough. Plus, it’s an instant way to feel great about the gift of simply breathing in and out and being alive. Make a list of everything you are grateful for right now, and watch your life change as a result!

Say you’ve been hurt, and on a scale of 1-10, it’s a solid 11. Some time has passed, and now, due to its magnitude, this hurt has turned into a wound – possibly even a debilitating one replete with anxiety, depression; the works. Maybe at one point you didn’t even know how you would survive the pain; just the thought of it could take you down. But then eventually you moved on, you had to. Life kept going and was about to pass you by, so next thing you know that wound is a story, far enough away that you can live your life but still pulsing inside of you, and if you press into it the scar tissue sends waves of emotion that take you right back.

What now? Live with the story, or hope you never again see the person, or that Karma will even the score? Pray that someday you can forget or chalk it up to “A lesson learned,” “Had a run of bad luck,” “God wasn’t looking” or “It’s just the way some people are,” or “If they would just say they were sorry I might be able to let it all go”? Maybe.

Or maybe you are the person who has done someone wrong, inflicted harm that changed the course of another’s life without serious consideration or regard for the consequences of your actions. Carelessly or selfishly caused someone to feel pain unnecessarily, and while in the beginning you tried to rationalize and justify your actions and behavior you know there is no denying you were out of integrity, that you had no right to treat another human being the way you did.

Now that some time has gone by the remorse is growing inside you though you still try and cover it up by minimizing it or telling yourself they had a part, too. “Everyone makes mistakes,” “I was young or stupid,” or “That’s just what men or women do sometimes,” right? Yet now, after all this time has passed, whenever you think of this person or situation you know you are not clean; you feel that emotional film or stuck place in your gut, signifying you are out of integrity with yourself.

So what can you do? How could an apology make any difference now? Anyway, they are just words, right? Maybe.

Let’s find out! I am studying the potential of freedom through forgiveness and would appreciate your assistance. Please go to www.guyswhocare.com and take a quick survey. Stay tuned for the stories that I have to tell you encompassing all of the above that will rock you to the core.

I have wanted to write this blog for weeks, its answers pressing on me as I sit sneezing, coughing, with an achy, stuffy head, Kleenex feverishly strewn about in a trail from my bed to my computer. So I sit Indian-style in my favorite jammies, gurgling, nursing my tea, missing dancing with my beloved friends this Sunday morning, torn between caring for myself and showing up for the rest of life.

I know it is my practice to listen daily to my body and follow its wisdom: sometimes to sweat my prayers and celebrate freedom of being, sometimes in stillness and at other times alone. Then I picture my husband dancing among my friends, churning about, his eyes closed, people spinning past him, hugging onto him, sharing their beauty and authentic presence with him…when I realize the gift of friendship that I find on that very dance floor lives inside me no matter what state I am in. I exhale and relax into my healing, comforted by this truth.

Because it wasn’t always so. When I first arrived in my dance community many years ago, I had two intentions: 1) To be free, totally free in my body and to have my insides match my outsides and celebrate, “I am that, that I am.” And 2) To attract a group of friends that I would grow with, perhaps get old with, that cherished my same core values and shared a deep commitment to the path of higher consciousness.

I knew very little about such a community or this freedom. What I knew was a world where people pretended to be people they were not, said one thing and did another and valued money, power and prestige above all. People who were stiff, stuck and dying inside. But I was determined to find that community or bust.

Which is probably why this place found me: given I had no idea people like this existed, I wouldn’t have known what to look for. It doesn’t really matter who found who because a bridge burst forward from my heart and planted itself in this place that I now call home the moment I stepped on the floor. I was greeted like a long-lost friend, swept away by their genuine care though not a word was spoken. Whatever I had they were ready for, they didn’t even flinch. I screamed and cried and stomped and spewed and then magically, little by little, unraveled and melted. They just loved me.

Finally I had found a place to live, a real live place where people connected the inner spirit world to a place big enough to hold everything, a place where love IS the answer instead of a metaphor. Where no matter who you are, where you come from, or what you left behind, you are welcome and included, all the way out loud! A place where friendship is a way of life and spirituality is synonymous with reality and valued above everything.

So for me the idea of too many friends seems mutable until we understand what it is we seek and why. Primarily because friends, the kind that I am speaking of, cannot be had, accumulated or acquired. Friends are gifts like the sky and the wind. Spirits that flow in and out of your awareness and life, magnificent reflections that dance in and around you offering opportunities to heal, prosper or bless.

And like all gifts, friendship is a gift that we must be open to receive. An unfolding paradox that invites us to feel deal and heal as we peel back the layers of false self, tenderly, respectfully, carefully revealing what is most high and splendid in reverence of each other.

Today I can truly say my life is filled with friendship. And who I have become in the presence of each one is unique as it is plain; someone who treasures the courage it takes to stay on the dance floor, moving in and around each other as gracefully as compassionately as possible. No longer wondering how many friends are too many as I have come to find that you have a friend in me and that is enough.

Blessings to you Gabrielle and Kathy, my teachers and beloved friends always!

Dan asked:

When I’m out with my friends, and I notice someone I want to talk to who is surrounded by her friends, I get kind of nervous and don’t know what to say. I tend to shy away from women who seem a little more closed off, even if they are the ones I really want to talk to. Do women unintentionally shy away from talking to someone new, even if they are open to connecting with someone? Do your readers have any advice for me, or do they feel the same way?

Hi Dan,

Happy to help! Starting an intimate relationship involves several factors; setting an intention, attraction, availability, and then making contact. I think if we address the first few the last one will be far easier to navigate.

Attraction & setting intention: Sounds like you want to connect, and while you’re attracted to the more closed-off types you end up talking with the women who are open and warm. So the real question is: How do I connect with women who don’t seem open and approachable?

While it’s true that women in general feel safer engaging with someone familiar, some are just more open, outgoing, and engaging than others. Now that we know some women are more open than others, let me ask you this; why would you want to connect with a closed-off person versus an open and warm one? And what attracts you to the closed-off types? Get clear on what type of person you are attracted to and want to be with then set your intention: Imagine it, see it and then let go.

Availability: Another critical factor in starting a relationship involves a person’s availability. There are a few keys to keep in mind:

1. Most women who are available and want to be approached will let you know it. There are a few basic cues to watch for: prolonged eye contact or not being able to maintain eye contact but looking back again and again to see if you are looking at them, moving in to your two-foot proximity, brushing near or against you gently, touching you, licking their lips, playing with their hair, and laughing are a few.
2. On the other hand those who are either not interested or are already involved with someone keep their sexual energy to themselves. That is to say even if someone finds you attractive they will not hold your gaze for an inappropriate period or in general give you any vibe other than a clean, sisterly kind of vibe. Another category is worth mentioning here, the type of person that finds you attractive but is truly very shy.

Making contact: Statistically, most successful relationships begin as a result of a referral, a friend or family member, or by way of an institution such as the workplace, school, gym or club. Meeting people randomly you have no pre-existing connection with is tougher. That said, here are a few ice-breakers for you to try out to help you gain more confidence:

1) The authentic and sincere approach. “Hi, my name is Dan and I wanted to introduce myself,” or “How are you today?” Or “What brings you out?”

2) The weather report. This is a tried-and-true socially acceptable ice-breaker guaranteed to at least see if there’s any glimmer of interest; “Nice day, right?” or “I am so glad it’s not raining again today!” “I can’t wait to get out on my bike/board/boat…”

3) The offering. Sometimes we find ourselves in the position to make contact by offering our service or something to someone that’s generous but not inappropriate; “Can I get the door for you, an umbrella, carry your groceries in the rain, hold the elevator door, get you a drink at a party?” All lovely gestures expressing your generosity and hospitality, with no strings attached, of course!

It is our nature to want to be connected and intimate. We are relational creatures, thus social animals. That’s said, I recommend you keep your slick and syrupy lines on the shelf unless they are just really who you are. Sarcasm and disrespectful or lewd comments are offensive and, honestly, not the best way to start a relationship of any kind!

Hope this was helpful; keep us posted! Anyone else who wants to reply to Dan’s request can email us at info@ maryannelive.com.