That’s right, recently someone’s wife made a very public declaration about a certain someone (her husband) doing whatever he wanted, wherever he wanted that she apparently didn’t like…at all! We know this because she lopped off his junk (slang for penis) then ground it into a pulp. Yeeewouch.? I think I used to be funnier than I am now. I’m not sure if that’s true but it feels true. And I am not exactly sure what happened or when, but it might have something to do with the fact that it’s scarier now to be decidedly anything…out loud. Including satirical blogger, politician or…someone’s husband!? For sure there are more immediate consequences we all face for saying (or doing ) whatever we want, wherever and whenever we want, particularly because more people are watching and listening than ever before. But not since Lorena Bobbitt have we seen so publically such a cruel and heinous act performed by a woman scorned. Typically we witness women one after another “standing by their man”; examples are Hillary Clinton, Mrs. Edwards, and most recently Weiner’s wife (no pun intended). Yet it looks like the tides are turning. Some women are respecting themselves in a way that makes them simply no longer willing to endorse this bad behavior. Like Maria Shriver Schwarzenegger, and Tiger Woods’ (again no pun intended) now ex-wife. While these reformists have more in common than their husbands’ prophetic surnames, we can only hope this pendulum finds a happy medium to “bone collecting,” and sooner rather than later! Anyway, I don’t want to have to start coming up with nicknames for the results of lopping guys’ Johnsons off, like “He got a Willy Wonka” or “He’s dead meat,” etc. Because, well, it’s just really not funny.?? Still there are some people who seem less concerned about showing lust or desire (or haven’t watched the news lately). Like last week when my husband and I were seated at the bar in a local French bistro. Keep in mind that the bar is teeny and the restaurant is smack in the middle of a bedroom community. My point is, this is no city bar or local watering hole. So you’re more likely to see a young kid at the bar having a French hamburger than the 3 men behaving badly I am about to describe.
About Maryanne Comaroto
Maryanne Comaroto is an internationally known relationship expert, talk show host and author. Her weekly live radio talk show reaches millions of listeners in the U.S. and around the world. Maryanne's philosophy is "Great relationships begin within!" http://www.maryannelive.com She leads popular workshops and seminars for men and women http://www.corrcertification.com, and has had a private practice as a clinical hypnotherapist for more than 20 years. She is the author of the award-winning memoir Skinny, Tan and Rich: Unveiling the Myth. Her latest book, Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers, outlines the 14 critical questions to ask before you get intimate in a relationship and gives the reader six tools for their Relationship Toolbelt. Maryanne is also the founder of a leading non-profit, The National Action Organization, a 501(c)3 organization committed to changing the way our culture values women.
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500 Words: “If today were my last day on Earth and I could share 500 words of brilliance with the world, here are the important things I’d want to pass along to others…
The first thing I would share would be to stop at nothing to know the truth. Particularly know the truth about who you are, your relationship to the Divine, real love, life purpose, what you respect, how you treat yourself, and what you stand for.
Next I would offer some pearls of real love and wisdom I have collected from beloved friends and wise persons that have saved my soul and at times my sanity: “There is no competition for my true life’s purpose, so there is no reason to hurry or worry about anything,” “Be who you are, everyone else is taken,” “People treat you the way you treat yourself,” “You are stronger than you think,” “If you can see it, it’s possible,” and “You’re always doing one of two things: creating connection or separation!”
When I was a kid I figured Nature was basically a guy thing, the same way I supposed wearing wigs, for example, was primarily a girl thing. That’s probably because when I was growing up it was men who did things like: hunt, spear, shoot, capture and in some cases kill while the females stayed let’s say, nearer to the hearth (or shopping mall). And even though the men in my house didn’t necessarily do any of those things, no more than we sat around churning butter, milking cows, plucking chickens, or stirring cauldrons, that doesn’t change my point; that Nature seemed most sanctioned for those less prone to wear wigs.
Let me explain. It’s true I wasn’t socialized in the country (think indoor ferns, Fresca and 70s atriums and you’ll get the picture). Like most parents in the greater suburbia where I was raised, mine dispensed controlled doses of wildlife: touring Yosemite in a fully equipped motor home, strolling through the aquarium at Golden Gate Park or the occasional trip to the Zoo. I have a picture of me in my stroller attempting to fend off this crazy goat who was trying to eat my favorite blanket, and instead of being encouraged to express my disdain I was coddled and hushed. Unlike my brothers who were alternately encouraged to wrestle and fend, I didn’t even get so much as a pat on the back for my obvious courage. Not once was I ever told to go forth and sow my wild oats, sail the seven seas or explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilization…to boldly go where no man has gone before, etc.
We are reminded that “a face has launched a thousand ships,” according to Christopher Marlowe referring to Helen in Homer’s Odyssey. Yet what most of us forget is that Helen was 12 years old! What child isn’t precious and beautiful (and certainly worth sending out a rescue mission for) at age 12? No disrespect, but I would have launched a similar mission had my son been kidnapped, regardless of what his face looked like.
Fast forward, here we are, still obsessed with youthful beauty a million years later (give or take a few million). So much so that a major portion of our economy is driven by our deep fear of being ugly and unlovable. Sadly, despite our knowledge that fecundity is at the root of this propaganda, most of us have been hypnotized to believe that we must alter the natural course of time—hack up, needle and bleed our faces—in order to avoid this possible dejection or, eventually, reality.
Every now and again you come across a situation in your life that blows your hair back, your skirt up or…just blows. For example: you find out the person you’re seriously considering spending the rest of your life with isn’t interested in a long term relationship with you. Or you discover one evening, quite by accident, that your husband prefers blondes…who are hung like a horse. Or you learn that your new girlfriend is really a man, or that your movie star/Governor husband has impregnated your housekeeper and has been paying her hush money (out of your pocket) for the last decade
While most of us have developed various coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with such blustery situations, including confrontation, therapy, drinking heavily, freaking out, leaving and divorce, the pink elephant is quite a different animal! For those who aren’t so familiar with this unwelcome visitor, the pink elephant is commonly referred to as “… an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.” (Wikipedia) You see, in most cases when confronted with certain truths we know what to do, or at least have some vague idea and are compelled to take action because some line has been crossed and all people involved implicitly agree and act accordingly. Whereas when the pink elephant appears…it just hangs there like the house guest who never leaves.
Remember the days of that sizzling hot/heart-thumping/I’ve never felt this way before/best sex you’ve ever had in your life/can’t eat, can’t sleep, “can’t live without” relationship that you had? Census bureau says it probably turned into a baby, or two…or three. And that, like it or not, is biologically speaking the foremost reason you felt all of that off-the-hook, head-over-heels/knock-your-lights-out chemistry.
It was simply Mother Nature’s way of tricking you into procreation. It’s terrible, I know. Just when you thought you had found the one (or at least a decent one), you had been hoodwinked by several hundred thousand watts of biological voltage surging from your brainstem up to and through your frontal lobes, saturating your ability to reason for a sustained (albeit relatively brief) period of time, prompting you to fall for someone who smelled and looked a certain way (indicators that they had a most dissimilar biology…and everything else, it turned out) and making you feel an overwhelming desire to have sex with this person with one goal in mind (not the goal we love to glorify); exponentially increasing the odds of the offspring’s survival.
1) Money makes you more of who you are: meaning, whatever your money issues or beliefs are, you bring them with you into your relationships. It’s almost always the case that whatever values and beliefs you have about money, you will die with—unless you’re willing to do the work and get to the root of them and make some changes! You can start by not pointing the finger at your partner, and taking a look at what your bottom line is about finances. Do you believe that there is enough money for everyone on the planet? Do you believe it’s your partner’s job to manage or make all the money? Do you believe life is hard and then you die? That it’s easier being a man…or a woman? That rich politicians make it impossible to get ahead? That rich people are evil, that you’re just not good with money, etc. You really deserve to take a good look, otherwise you and your partner are doomed to repeat your unconscious material in the relationship! Don’t bother lying to yourself; the proof is in the pudding. I mean that until you get real, you and your relationships will always reflect your true inner values and beliefs. Sex and money cause the most overall stress in relationships. This week’s topic is going to cover some basics about money and relationship and what you can do to manage your stress about it. Once you identify those, you can do something about them!
Say you’ve been hurt, and on a scale of 1-10, it’s a solid 11. Some time has passed, and now, due to its magnitude, this hurt has turned into a wound – possibly even a debilitating one replete with anxiety, depression; the works. Maybe at one point you didn’t even know how you would survive the pain; just the thought of it could take you down. But then eventually you moved on, you had to. Life kept going and was about to pass you by, so next thing you know that wound is a story, far enough away that you can live your life but still pulsing inside of you, and if you press into it the scar tissue sends waves of emotion that take you right back.
I have wanted to write this blog for weeks, its answers pressing on me as I sit sneezing, coughing, with an achy, stuffy head, Kleenex feverishly strewn about in a trail from my bed to my computer. So I sit Indian-style in my favorite jammies, gurgling, nursing my tea, missing dancing with my beloved friends this Sunday morning, torn between caring for myself and showing up for the rest of life.
When I’m out with my friends, and I notice someone I want to talk to who is surrounded by her friends, I get kind of nervous and don’t know what to say. I tend to shy away from women who seem a little more closed off, even if they are the ones I really want to talk to. Do women unintentionally shy away from talking to someone new, even if they are open to connecting with someone? Do your readers have any advice for me, or do they feel the same way?
Happy to help! Starting an intimate relationship involves several factors; setting an intention, attraction, availability, and then making contact. I think if we address the first few the last one will be far easier to navigate.
Attraction & setting intention: Sounds like you want to connect, and while you’re attracted to the more closed-off types you end up talking with the women who are open and warm. So the real question is: How do I connect with women who don’t seem open and approachable?
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