Group Sex Questions: Good or Bad?

Did you know you are 32 times LESS likely divorced if you were born and raised in Sri Lanka than if you were born in the US? Interesting, yes? Did you also know that before Sri Lankans marry they have their compatibility charts done?  Pretty progressive, right? Why, with our failure rate so dismal, would we continue to rely on chemistry? We have already proven (see Dr. Helen Fisher’s latest studies) that just because someone turns you on doesn’t mean they will make a good life partner, parent or mate. So, why do we keep on falling for it?

The answer according to my friend, sociobiologist Rebecca Costa, is—because we can. The good news is, we don’t have to! If what she is saying is true, evolution has (maybe for the first time in history) become a choice. We can choose to use that part of our brain which is just sitting there waiting for those of us who want to move towards the phenomenal rather than settle for the mediocre. I say, let’s give evolution a chance! Watch out Viagra and Larry Flint…and say hello to my little friend (who is free, by the way—sorry, GlaxoSmithKlein), Consciousness.

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By Maryanne Comaroto

“NO” is one of those words that most women have difficulty uttering for fear we will not be liked or loved, yet sometimes it is the very word that is a door between us and what we really want. Think about it for a minute, and you will see that “No” sometimes means you might have avoided some unnecessary discomfort, even pain and suffering. Practically speaking, NO is the sound that your body makes when it contracts, and it’s a natural reflex. It’s when we override this inner wisdom that we get into trouble.

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By Maryanne Comaroto

My husband David and I were on the approach to The Golden Gate Bridge, on our way to the airport, when I had a “feeling” to check my cell. Sure enough, four calls within minutes, evidence someone was urgently trying to reach me. Validation that my intuition (i.e. that feeling) was working.

That’s what this article is about: how our commitment to our practice of connecting to our inner guidance and wisdom, which David and I affectionately refer to as our “self-inquiry” practice, offers us the opportunity for real freedom. This might sound ridiculous or even confusing—freedom through commitment, yeah, right? Thirty years ago I might have agreed: I was simply not a fan of doing anything (except breathe in and out) for long periods of time, which in large part is what commitment implied to me.

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Which also meant that my day would likely involve tears and being uncomfortable and not being able to say “Fine!” when anyone asked how I was doing today. All the stuff my mind loves to bookmark for workshops, long walks with dear friends—you know, more appropriate times. Not right in the middle of my life. How rude.

People ask me all the time for dating tips and advice, and I definitely have some current favorites. Whether you’re back on the dating scene after a divorce/difficult breakup/death of a spouse; whether you were plain old dumped and are afraid to have your heart broken again, a single parent, are intimidated by online dating, wouldn’t know where to start or even what to say if you saw someone you liked, or are simply starting over, try these on for size.

1. Don’t lead with “sexy” unless you want someone to value that most about you!

2. You don’t need to “sell” yourself. Remember that who you are is not for sale.

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One of my favorite Maryanne mantras is; you have to learn how use this (your head) before you do this (have sex) so you don’t break this (your heart)! And for many of us we can sadly add…again. Sounds simple enough, right? Yeah, well, we all know that when we get the urge to merge it can be so intoxicating that we give in to it, hoping this chemistry will magically translate into Happily Ever After. Yes, I did say you break your own heart, ‘cause love doesn’t happen outside yourself, and while your heart may feel broken, the heart cannot break per se. Love and the heart, like everything else, is energy—in this case, when it comes to relationships, a shared field of energy. Given that energy does not break, rather it changes form, how then can we avoid this painful changing of form, perhaps, for some of you, again?

The easy answer is; you cannot, as the only thing constant in life is change. I am sure that is not the answer you were looking for. Unfortunately however, it’s as true as the fact that the sun is the sun—no matter how much you may not want it to set, that’s what it does and there is nothing to do but accept it. Unless you’re hopelessly romantic or convinced you’ll be the first person who ever lived to successfully stop it, so you’ll chase the sun trying to convince yourself it’s possible, like so many of us do with love.

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By Maryanne Comaroto

It’s that time of year. Spring has sprung and the fever pitch is HIGH! No more bundling up your chakras, you say, it’s time for some “sex on the beach”!

A few spring fling tips: 1) Pay attention (pay now or pay later); 2) Think it through. Make sure the good outweighs any potential side effects 4 to 1…okay, 3 to 1; and 3) WEAR A CONDOM … and in the meantime, get your questions answered:

James asked:

“I met this girl at school and ended up falling for her. However, at the time she had a boyfriend who was moving to France. I saw her a couple of times before they officially broke up and then asked her out on a date. She said yes, then flaked on me twice (both times legitimate-ish reasons such as her grandparents’ anniversary do and something else).

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I’ll have one fabulous relationship; hold the full spectrum of unpleasant human emotion please!”

Used to be, it could bring me to the edge when anyone would tell me to “calm down” or “just relax.” “OH, you think THIS is upset? Well, you haven’t seen upset!” I would declare, and there I’d go as predicted, directly into orbit. These experiences collected and cemented my inherited belief that I was too much, too big, high-maintenance, and ultimately perhaps a bit crazed.

All this was about a million years ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was in the car at a stoplight with my boyfriend at the time, who just happened to become the human sacrificial straw that broke this camel’s back. He asked me quite simply why I had to be so dramatic. What I heard was, RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

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Are you a history buff? No? Me either, but I will never forget Glenn Close in Dangerous liaisons. The scene still stuck in my mind where her  life of privilege and power climaxes in ruins- because she dared to what? Manipulate people to suit her purposes, avenge herself (jilted by the man she loved who used her and tossed her aside for a younger version), seek revenge, relish the feeling of power, and revel in her own self centeredness. Gosh, this reminds me of something… what is that…I know-MEN.

Ohhhh, wait a minute, is this male bashing? Some may say so, I believe it is simply one passionate opinion about the pandemic affect of this two thousand year old inequity. What I am trying to say really is that, how come when a  woman tries to bend things to suit her needs she’s a thankless whore and when men do it they are…just being men.  When women are shrewd in business, arranging people, places and things to most optimally benefit her desired goals they are willful bitches and men, savvy hunters?

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What is it about relationships that can make an otherwise sensible, even-tempered, reasonable creature alternately spit venom or fairy dust? Are we so hypnotized by the presence of another that we become deranged, one minute spontaneously rearranging our values, morals and boundaries in the name of Happily Ever After (or FABULOUS sex), the next searching feverishly for where we may have misplaced ourselves. If you’re like most two-leggeds, while this is fascinating coffee talk, you’re likely much busier trying to figure out how to pay your mortgage and buy back some of your freedom, so then you can feel good about yourself, so then you can get in a good or better relationship with someone who you will then enjoy this better, more peaceful life with. In the meantime, here is some advice on how to have a greater tomorrow right now!

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