1. Never ever put your husband down for his sexuality. This is cruel and unfair and belittling to him. He can‘t help it, God made us this way. It would be like him putting you down for having a period; So just so you understand the kinds of comments I am talking about, things like these; What again, is that all you ever think about? Ugh I am not doing that, you are disgusting and perverted. Leave me alone and stop nagging me for sex. Or worse yet, manipulating him with sex, that makes you a prostitute.

2. Learn to be adventurous in bed. Men love that. Get over your inhibitions about sex. The last thing that you want him thinking in bed with you is that a previous lover was better in bed than you.

3. Get over your self image problems and invest in quality lingerie with lace and color. Believe me those white nylon panties with no lace are boring. Also investing lacy bras preferably to match. Where a sexy night gown every night, not just when you are planning to have sex. Put a lock on your bedroom door to keep the kids out.

4. Your kids will not be hurt or damaged by them hearing you and your husband having sex. In fact it is great role modeling for your kids and reinforces to them that you have a happy marriage which makes them feel better and more secure. They may even kid you about it, but accept it in good fun.

5. Your husband gets the bulk of his affectional needs through sex with you. When you deny him, he feels unloved, rejected and unworthy. It really tears at his self esteem.

6. Routinely wear short skirts and dresses for him. When he opens the car door for you, make sure to flash him as a cute little thing between the two of you. When you are in the car with him turn towards him and pull your legs up and let him peek up your skirt at those sexy new panties you bought. Men never get tired of having panties flashed at them.

7. Lastly, tell him what you would like in bed. Most men are clueless about the female body and how to have great sex. Give him guidance, he can’t read your  mind.

*This article does not represent LoveDetour.com’s opinion nor its officers, staffs, and other experts. We encourage our readers and experts to politely respond to this article and freely express your own opinions.

*This article contains information of a sexual nature. Before you can continue to read this article you must read and agree to the following. By clicking the link “Read More” or continue reading, you signify that you agree to the following terms:

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I write for women to get over their inhibitions over giving their men oral sex. A man feels cheated and rejected and unloved when a woman refuses him this sublime pleasure. A woman who refuses this pleasure is not giving herlself completely to her man. I suggest getting over your inhibitions about this and become adept at pleasuring your man.

This is an age old discussion. There are many women who refuse to give their husbands blow jobs. “Ugh, gross, I am not going to do that”. “Little girl” inhibitions are cropping up again here. Do you want to have a Bill and Hillary marriage where your husband has to go to other women or prostitutes to get a blow job? That is the number one thing men visit prostitutes for. A great percentage of men who frequent prostitutes are married. By your refusal, you are then a stumbling block for him as forbidden in the chapter on sex and the bible. Some of you will give your men blow jobs but won’t allow him to come in your mouth. Some of you will give him a blow job but then will spit out his semen. You claim that you don’t like the taste. Imagine if your husband went down on you but then spit out the vaginal secretions that he got in his mouth. How likely would you want him to go down on you again? What if he would not go down on you because he claimed not to like your taste? Really, when you tell your husband that, you are telling him that you think that he is disgusting and more of that age old sexism where women are good and men are bad.

If you really want to be cherished by your husband, and you want to show him your love, you need to learn to give him good blow jobs. Any woman can lay there with her legs spread and think about other things while her poor husband pumps away at her. It takes love and commitment to take his penis in your mouth and make love to him. It is intensely personal and loving. Without it, he feels profoundly cheated and disappointed.

For those of you who have a problem with getting semen in your mouth, you can take an intermediate step. You can put a condom on your husband’s penis and give him the blow job and you are not going to get any semen in your mouth. You can use it as a “baby step” to make progress. You can feel him ejaculate but not actually get the semen in your mouth. You should use this technique as a way to progress to a full blow job where you allow your husband to come in your mouth and swallow. At the very least, you should use this technique to give him a blow job. I know of women out there who won’t even take their husband’s penis in their mouth. I ask you if you are one of those women, why did you even bother to get married anyway? You need to get over this. You can if you have the right attitude. You can through a desensitization process called “successive approximations.” This basically means getting a little closer each time. Others would call it “baby steps”. The point being is that you are getting closer and making progress in moving forward in pleasing and loving your husband.

Now I know that many of you out there will complain about taste or consistency. Neither of those issues needs to be a problem if you have the right attitude and practice the right technique. It is really a simple matter to solve. When your husband’s climax is imminent, instead of trying to block his ejaculation with your tongue, you simply let him shoot to the back of your throat. You then quickly swallow. This solves both problems. You won’t taste his semen because all of your taste buds are on the front of your tongue. Following my technique you therefore don’t taste his semen. You also don’t have the consistency issue to deal with because again it is not hitting your tongue. Allowing him to shoot in the back of your throat, it simply feels like a little extra saliva in your mouth. If you spit out his semen, you get it on your tongue and have the taste and consistency to deal with. You can do this if you decide to.

For all you feminists out there who claim to espouse equal rights, how is it fair for you to expect your man to go down on you and you don’t return the favor? Where is his equal rights? Besides that, your vaginal secretions taste remarkably similar to his semen. Hillary is a feminist who obviously does not give Bill blowjobs and look what that got her. Do you really think that they have a happy marriage? Do you think that they are achieving “happily ever after”?

If you have not given your husband a blow job but have now decided to, it is not difficult. He will love you for attempting to please him. You simply go down on him and suck. If his penis is limp, you can generally take his whole penis in your mouth. You suck on it like you are sucking a milk shake through a straw. You also place your tongue firmly against his penis. As his penis grows to a full erection, you go down as deeply on it as you comfortably can without gagging. You then wrap your hand around his penis at that point as a marker and don’t go deeper than that when you start vigorously thrusting up and down on the shaft of his penis. If your jaw gets tired or you need to remove your mouth to catch your breath, it is imperative that you continue stroking his penis with your hand or he will lose the momentum of getting to the point of ejaculating. If you stop, then you will have to start all over again.

There are other very obvious reasons to give your husbands blow jobs. Most of you won’t consider having intercourse when you are on your period. Why should your husband be deprived of sex just because you are on your period? If you really love him and care about his needs, you won’t deprive him of sexual relief. After childbirth, you are forbidden from intercourse for 6 weeks on average. Again, why should your husband be forced to masturbate? Many women feel that they have the right to deprive him after childbirth. In fact many of you deprive your husband sex for months after giving birth claiming that you are too tired. He feels rejected, lonely and resentful towards you and the new baby.

Let me give you a technique that requires little energy expenditure from you and yet gets your husband off fairly quickly and keeps him happy and satisfied. This would involve two props: a pair of your lacy and silky panties and a vibrator. You give him a little foreplay by stroking your nipples across his penis. You then start sucking his penis and take those silky panties, (the satiny back panel of the panties) and lightly stroke them across the underside of his scrotum. This area is extremely sensitive to him. You continue to rapidly stroke very lightly with those panties on the underside of his scrotum while you are sucking on him. The silkiness of your panties causes him to think in terms of how silky the interior of your vagina feels when it is well lubricated. You then turn the vibrator on high and place the bulb firmly on the base of his penis. You simply hold the bulb of the vibrator firmly against the base of his penis while you are sucking him. It is a very powerful stimulant to him and will cause him to get off much quicker, thereby conserving energy on your part. It will also give him a mind blowing orgasm because of the combination of the sensation of you sucking him, stroking him with your panties and the powerful vibrator. Don’t be surprised if he screams in ecstasy in the most intense orgasm he has ever had.

Now for you women who absolutely refuse to give your husband a blowjob or who won’t let him come in your mouth, there is a variation of the above scenario. You simply not only stroke those silky panties under his testicles, but you wrap the silky side of the panties around his penis and stroke them up and down his penis. You then place the vibrator at the base of his penis and let him ejaculate into your panties. He will fantasize about coming inside of you. It will take care of his urgent need for sexual relief and is so much better than making him masturbate. You should never ever make your husband masturbate to relieve himself. He will have a lot of resentment towards you because you are not taking care of his sexual needs. The above technique is not the best, but you should promise him that you will never ever deny him sex again, even if you have to give it to him less than what he desires.

I had a couple as a client locked into dysfunction.  The woman had gotten into a pattern of screaming, cursing and throwing things.  The husband admirably did not hit her, but tried to keep the peace because of what the wife’s tirades and tantrums did to the children.  She once broke her own finger by repeatedly slamming the front door harder and harder. Problems were never resolved; she just bullied the husband to get her own way. I could not reach her and they ultimately got a divorce.  She continued these patterns in a subsequent marriage.

I always tell my clients to first go and study two movies from the rental store:  THE BREAK UP, and WAR OF THE ROSES. You can see art imitating life.  Study these movies and see yourselves portrayed in these movies.  Watch and see the mistakes that they have made and that you have made similar mistakes as well.  Children are terrified when they hear parents fighting.  Remember the scene from PRINCE OF TIDES when the young children ran and jumped into the bay.  They lived in an idyllic setting on an island.  They escaped by running out of the house and jumping into the water.  Most children don’t have that option and simply suffer through the fights, terrified. If you have not seen The Prince of Tides, it is also mandatory on my homework list.

To avoid those problems and dysfunction, I have listed some techniques that are guaranteed to work if you will use them.  I tell my clients that they both need to agree to change their ways.  They also need to forgive each other and enact the old familiar slogan from the playground:  A DO OVER.  Admit that you have both made mistakes and that as a couple you want a do over and agree to rules that I have listed for peacefully resolving the conflict.  A great idea is to adopt the physician’s vow about dealing with your conflicts;  “ First, do no harm.”

When a spouse is angry with you, the first rule is to SHUT UP AND LISTEN.  I know that it is hard to do.  You need to let them get out everything that bothers them before you counter their arguments.  Once they are done, ask to repeat back what they said so that you and the spouse are sure that you understand the problem.  Then ask:  “In what way can we resolve this problem”? This goes a long way to resolving the problem.  Calmly discuss solutions.  “A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger” Proverbs 15:1

AGREE TO DISAGREE

Too many times people are locked into winning.   The problem with winning is that there is also a loser who will feel humiliated.

Better to “agree to disagree”.  In this way, neither party feels like they have “lost” the argument.

FLIPPING A COIN

If negotiating has not worked and the person is still adamant that they want a solution the Bible has a solution:  “The lot causes contentions to cease and parts the mighty.”  Proverbs

Casting lots was a dice game, but a modern day corollary would be a flip of the coin to settle the issue.  You both have to agree in advance that this will settle the issue, and then stick to it.

NEGOTIATING CONFLICT

When you are in a discussion where you both have a point of view that you feel strongly about, there is another alternative.  You can agree to negotiate the argument for a peaceful settlement.  You can do this by adopting a 10 scale.  You each assign a numerical value form 1-10 depending on how firmly you believe your side is worth.  You have to give an honest evaluation.  Using a 10 where there is absolutely no room for negotiation, to a 1 scale where you could go either way. Come up with a legitimate number to assess your position.  Suppose your

spouse is at a 7 and you are at a 4 then you agree to give in to the spouse’s 7 to make for a peaceful resolution.

SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE

Another good way to resolve the argument is to simply compromise half way between the two points of view.  Both parties feel like they got something and don’t feel humiliated.

The Ten Commandments for Fair Fighting

1.     Never argue in front of the children, it harms and scares them.

2.     Don’t ever hit your spouse.

3.     Don’t curse at or call your spouse names, it is abusive.

4.     Don’t attempt to get your way by bullying your spouse.

5.     Don’t withhold sex to get your way.

6.     Do not scream at your spouse it is abusive.

7.     Do not interrupt; it is disrespectful, listen until they are done.

8.     Do not take revenge for perceived hurts.

9.     Develop a peacemaking attitude with questions like: How can we resolve this?

10.   Don’t give people the “silent treatment”.  It is revenge and it is emotionally abusive.

I have re-written an old nursery rhyme that is more appropriate:  Sticks and stones can only break your bones but words can wound a spirit, break a heart or kill a relationship.

Remember, your job as a spouse is to nurture your spouse.  You can’t do that when you are being self centered.  According to Dr. Laura Schlesinger, self centeredness is a leading cause of divorce.  You also don’t nurture your spouse when you attempt to bully them in an argument instead of peacefully resolving the conflict while respecting them and their feelings.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man (woman) be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:  for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.  James 1:19

The big problem is that the vast majority of people don’t heed the above scriptural mandate.  Most people are doing just the opposite:  they are quick to anger, quick to speak and slow to listen.  If you can follow the scriptural mandate, you will be amazed at how much better your marriage works.

SAVING FACE

You need to adopt the oriental philosophy of “saving face”. This is a philosophy of mutual respect.  It is considered in very poor form to in any way deliberately disrespect another person.  Their rules are very rigid in that you never ever would consider doing anything that would cause someone to feel humiliated or embarrassed.  Our western culture clearly does not teach respect for other people’s feelings.

Finally, if you can’t resolve an argument, then seek out the services of a marriage coach. Avoid marriage counselors at all costs.  The dirty little secret in the industry is that marriage counselors have a 75% failure rate according to some leading counselors turned Marriage Coaches like Dr. Willard Harley, author of HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS and Michelle Weiner Davis, author of DIVORCE BUSTING. Marriage counselors have you come back for weeks and talk about feelings.  Coaches concentrate on resolving problems in a short period of time.  If

you need help, put into your search engine and look for marriage coaches, or just email me at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

You have reached that magical second date.  What to do, where to go?  Great possibilities are in the air, you don’t want to blow it now.  What do you do?

Well the idea is that you want to do something that is fun, but you want to keep the conversation going because this is about getting to know each other.  You want to have fun, but you still need to get to know each other and that involves conversation, a lot of it. The last thing that you want to do is go to the movies.  You can’t or shouldn’t talk in the movies.  So I have come up with some great ideas.

Ideally the date should start with breakfast.  This makes for an early day and time for the activity and a natural stopping point if the date does not go well after the activity.  If the date goes well, you stop for lunch and continue the conversation.

1. ART SHOWS- These are great because you are outside.  This makes for walking and talking and viewing and discussing art.  It never hurts to add a little class to the date.  You get brownie points for suggesting it.

2. STATE FAIRS OR LOCAL FAIRS- This has the example of also being outside, cheap and involves walking, talking and viewing exhibits.

3. AIR SHOWS- Air shows are a blast that most people have never attended.  They involve static airplane displays and aerobatic maneuvers by planes in the air.  It is also either free or cheap.  They are free on military bases and very cheap at local airports.  They allow you to bring in food and drinks in coolers or the local food vendors are very inexpensive.  Again they are outside and involve walking and talking.  Do you see a recurring theme taking place here.

4. ART AND CRAFT SHOWS- These tend to be inside when the weather is bad.  Again with the walking, talking and viewing things and discussing them.

5. HOME AND GARDEN SHOWS- You get the idea, more inside walking, talking and seeing things.

6. A LONG WALK- preferably along any body of water.  Water naturally sparks conversations.

7. A PICNIC- It sounds old fashioned and romantic.  It can be spur of the moment where you stop at a deli and order the makings for a picnic, fried chicken, potato salad, cold drinks and dessert like cheesecake wedges.

8. A CAR SHOW- This could be inside or outside and again it involves walking and talking and looking at things.

9. GO BOWLING- Lots of fun even if you are no good.  It works for inside when the weather is bad.

10. FLEA MARKETS- Involves more walking and talking

11. HORSEBACK RIDING- Romantic and fun, does not involve walking but still doing something, going somewhere and talking.  Combine with picnic idea above.

If you are a man, women want men to take charge and lead so pick something and have a backup unless she does not like your first proposal.

This is a perennial question that bugs both boys and men for centuries.  Women obviously don’t think like men so men try and figure them out. I am here to help you out.

1. The very first thing that women like is strong self confident men.  Even if you are not strong or self confident, you must act like it and fake it til you make it.  I am not saying lie, but you need to act more self confident.  Pretty soon you are feeling more self confident.  One of the things that will help your self confidence is taking karate.  It engenders more self confidence plus strength, plus being able to protect the woman that you care about.  This self confidence projects itself to potential bullies.  When you show no fear because you know that you can take him out, guys read that in your eyes and will back down.

2. Women like gentlemen with manners, opening the door for the woman, giving her your jacket when she is cold, going to get the car when it is raining and picking her up at the door.

Learning to talk with confidence to a woman. The best way to do that is to take control of the conversation by constantly asking her questions like:

3. Where do you hope to be in five years, what do you like to do for fun, what are your career goals.  Just keep asking questions which will make you appear very calm and self confident. The woman has to do most of the talking taking the pressure off of you.  By asking her questions, you show her that you are interested in her.

4. Take the lead and plan fun dates.  These dates should involve walking and talking.  Sitting in a movie theatre does little for conversation. Take her to outdoor art shows, air shows, county or state faie, car shows, flea markets, farmers markets, bowling, shopping at the mall.  The main thing that it should make for easy conversation.  For a home run, enroll both of you in a single cooking class together.  The other thing is to learn to cook some great dishes and cook for her.  Nothing makes a woman feel pampered than when a guy cooks for her.

5. Give her a sincere compliment not related to her figure.  Tell her that she has beautiful eyes or pretty hair.  Compliment her scent or perfume. Compliment what she is wearing and tell her that you really admire her sense of style.

Once she is ready to take it to the next level, you need to be prepared to be good in bed.  Study articles on foreplay techniques.  Take your time and don’t rush it.  You can see some articles that I have written online by googling my email address  marriagecoach1@yahoo.com on the subject of sex and how to be a hero in the bedroom.  Go out there and use this stuff.  You can contact me for a half hour free consultation.

It is true that there are jerk men who feel the need to assuage their egos by carving notches in the bedposts.  If you are married to this kind of guy, my heartfelt concerns are for you.  These guys never get filled up because they lack self respect.

For the rest of you, the answer is easy;  satisfy his needs.

Almost all of you have had the fantasy about living happily ever after.  Too often that fantasy tends to be self centered where you see the “Prince Charming” sweeping you off of your feet and paying rapturous attention to you and pampering you and taking care of you.  In talking with my female clients, they never took into consideration what their responsibility was in taking care of the prince to maintain the happily ever after.

Men are really, really simple.  They have 3 basic needs, Respect, sex and food.  According to Dr. Harley of His Needs , Her Needs, he would also say recreational companionship.

Man’s number one need is respect and admiration.  Now we are living in a time of rampant MISANDRY.  I suggest that you look it up on Wikipedia, it does a good job of explaining it.  Basically it is reverse sexism towards men by women in our society.  You can see it in the commercials.  The man is portrayed as this helpless boob who has once again gotten himself and/or his family into trouble yet again.  Then the “heroic woman” swoops in to save the day, all the while tossing off sarcastic and condescending remarks to her husband.  You man needs your respect and admiration. He needs you to be his biggest cheerleader and he wants affirmation for how hard he tries to take care of you and the family.  If you don’t give him respect, he will look for it elsewhere.  You need to be his best friend and talk to him with respect at all times.

He also needs sex with you freely and lovingly given.  Men get the bulk of their affectional needs through sex with their wife.  Studies indicate that 60% of married women with children, inflict a starvation diet of sex once a week or less on their husbands.  Now we can all agree that no woman should be forced to have sex against her will.  What amazes me is the number of women who have no problem forcing her husband to do WITHOUT SEX AGAINST HIS WILL.  Trust me, this breeds real resentment towards the wife.  Every time he is forced to masturbate alone, it chips away at his affection for you and builds resentment.  He feels as though you took vows and violated them.  You vowed that he could have you and hold you. (euphemism for sex).  In fact the dictionary backs this up.  Look up the word unfaithful and it talks not only about cheating but being unfaithful to your vows to satisfy your mate. You need to give him sex freely and lovingly and also endeavor to give him the things that he asks for in bed.  I can help you to get over your turnoffs to certain activities through a series of exercises.  If you don’t give it, he will look elsewhere.

Now I have sympathy with young new mothers who feel exhausted.  It is easy to put your husband’s sexual needs at the bottom of your priority list.  AVOID THIS RELIGIOUSLY.  You need to always put your husband’s needs at the top of your priority list.  Make the relationship important and everything else falls in behind.  He will accept a quicky when you are tired and be very grateful.

Now I understand that a lot of your husbands are lousy in the sack.  This is because there is no school for sex that they can go to.  It is easy to reject his overtures when you are tired and he does not take care of your needs.  There is a solution for that.  I am a marriage, relationship and sexual coach. I can give you help.  I am also coming out with a book entitled: STOP HAVING LOUSY SEX.  Believe me, he will become a hero in the bedroom when I am done with him.  All you have to do is to drop me a line at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com and I will even give you a half hour complimentary session.

After you finish making love with your woman, hold her for a couple of minutes and cuddle her. Then get up and get a big towel and soak it in hot water. Then wring it out well and carry it back in the bedroom. Get the spread back on the bed and put a couple of towels under your lady and have her lay on her stomach. Unfold the hot towel and lay it on her back and shoulders. Once the towel cools off, cover her up to prevent her from getting a chill. Take the towel back into the bathroom and soak it in hot water again and wring it out again. Now, take it in and have her lie on her back and again give her the hot towel treatment this time taking time to clean her up between her legs.

Now bring in a dry towel and dry her off and dust her down with her favorite powder all over and massage it in all over. Once that is done, you pull back the sheets climb back into bed and take her in your arms cover her and yourself back up and talk to her and stroke her hair. Tell her how much you love her. Take pains to not fall sleep until she is ready. If you do this on a consistent basis, she will have sex with you any time you want. She will also sing your praises to all of her girlfriends and her sisters and mom as well. Be sure to read my other chapters on foreplay and sexual techniques to improve your standing in the bedroom.

To understand the psychology of this, let me explain. Women want to feel loved and cherished. Too many of you just want to get off, roll over and go to sleep. This leaves her feeling used, like a piece of meat. She feels like you just used her vagina to effectively jack off into. If she is feeling like this, she will resist your sexual overtures.

Go out and use this information. See if it does not improve your love life.

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Get “her” done. That is the modus operandi for far too many guys in the bedroom. Unfortunately, what it really means is get “it” done. Far too many of you don’t bother or worry about getting “her” done. This is because you don’t take the time to give her adequate foreplay time to achieve a maximum level of arousal. If you follow my suggestions, she will BRAG on you to all of her women friends and relatives. You will achieve a new found level of respect.

You can take my techniques and add your own. These suggestions are just designed to stir your imagination.

1. First of all, you have to stop thinking about getting yourself off, and decide that you want to follow the James Bond model of manhood insofar as spoiling women and pampering them. Women want to feel loved and cherished and not just getting laid.

2. Secondly, You can try by brushing her hair. Women love to have their hair brushed. Then progress to giving her a total body massage. Be sure to do her whole body from head to foot. Pay particular attention to her butt. She has nerve endings there that she does not even know that she has, all connected to her vagina. Also pay attention to her feet. All of her nerve endings come together in her feet.

3. Next, undress her SLOWLY. Let the anticipation build. She will enjoy being undressed by you. Don’t take off her bra and panties yet. Leave them on. Now start kissing her and caressing her all over avoiding her breasts and vagina. Stroke her hair, caress all around the erogenous zones.

4. Now start lightly stroking her nipples through her bra while continuing to kiss her. Stroke your finger just inside the cup and stroke all around. Then take off the bra slowly and start licking her breasts all over and then gently start sucking on them, gradually increasing the pressure as she is comfortable. Then, start kissing down her belly and stroking her lightly with your fingertips. Kiss and stroke down her belly past her vagina and do all the way down her thighs and calves. Come back the other side all the way back to her vagina. Remember her panties are still on. Put your mouth over her vagina and blow hot breath through her panties over her clitoris. Then insert a finger inside the leg band of her panties and stroke all around without touching her vagina. It will drive her wild!

5. Next, insert your finger inside the leg band of her panties and pull the crotch away to the side. Start licking between her vagina lips up an down. When you get to the top of her vagina, you give her clitoris a quick lick and go back to licking between her vagina lips. Then insert your tongue inside of her vagina. Stroke it in and out. She will be moaning and giving you encouragement at this point. You then begin licking her clitoris. Here is where you can really become a hero in the bedroom. You can gentle pull back the hood of her clitoris and directly lick the clitoris. You can then suck the clitoris between your lips and begin to suck on it like a woman performing fellatio on a man. The clitoris will actually become hard like a male penis and achieve an erection. You can give her an orgasm by giving her clitoris a blow job.

6. You can also use what I call the “machine gun tongue” technique. This is where you lick her clitoris with lightening fast motions to bring her to additional orgasms. You can do this by flexing your tongue against your upper lip and flick your tongue past it. By flexing your tongue against your upper you can actually flick your tongue faster for your partner’s pleasure.

7. Finally there is one more thing that you can do for fantastic foreplay. After having given your honey numerous orgasms, she will be begging you to take her. You can give her a real thrill. Hook your hand in the waist band of those panties and give one hard rip and literally rip her panties off. This will simultaneously scare her and excite her. Every woman has a secret rape fantasy. She does not really want to be raped but she wants to be taken forcefully and roughly by a self confident man. The key to using this fantasy, is that you want to make sure that she is highly aroused.

Go out and use this stuff. This is part of a chapter excerpt from my book. If you would like to know when it comes out, just send me an email to marriagecoach1@yahoo.com. If you want help with your relationship I will give you a free half hour consultation as well.

There is a dirty little secret in the marriage counseling industry. 75% of all couples who go to marriage counseling end up being divorced. There is a quiet revolution taking place in this country where some forward thinking counselors are abandoning the traditional counseling methods and adopting a “coaching” style. A couple of well known counselors have made the transition like Michelle Weiner Davis, author of: DIVORCE BUSTING and Dr. Willard Harley, author of HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS.

Part of the problem is how services are delivered. One hour once a week is insufficient to do the job. Another part of the problem is philosophy of treatment. Counseling concentrates on couples talking about their feelings. Coaching concentrates on resolving the problem.

Think about this for a minute. If couples seek out marriage counseling, the marriage is likely in deep trouble where the stress level is such that they are considering divorce. Now think about the “medical model” for a minute: If you had serious heart trouble, would you want to go to a cardiologist whose record is that 3 out of 4 patients under his care die? If you had a very serious life threatening cut, would you be happy with a doctor who said, I am going to put one stitch in you now, and you come back in a week and I will put another stitch in you and keep coming back once a week for the next 20 weeks and we will have you all stitched up? If you had Strep Throat would you be happy with a doctor who says that he will give you a little antibiotic and keep coming back for 20 weeks until the infection is cleared up? Would you want accept any of those treatment plans?

Would you accept firemen coming out to your house and telling you that they are going to put a little of the fire out and that they would come back the next week and put a little more of the fire out and keep coming back until the fire is out? There is no other profession that attempts to resolve a problem utilizing this paradigm.

The reason that it is done this way is not because it is what is best for the patients, but it is what is best for the insurance industry who will only reimburse for one hour once a week. Actuaries (these are guys who are the bean counters for the insurance companies) have figured out that couples will abandon the process long before they resolve the problem thus saving the insurance company money.

Another part of the problem is the philosophy of counseling style where the counselor assumes a neutral position. Mediation services don’t follow this style. The mediator takes two opposing sides and takes charge and is a referee suggesting alternative solutions to both sides and maintains order during the process. They also roll up their sleeves and over the course of several hours resolves the problems or makes great strides in resolving the problem in a minimum of sessions in a very short period of time. Couples don’t need to talk about their feelings, they need to resolve the problems. They need to be taught relationship skills. There is an old Chinese proverb which states: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”. Couples need to be taught conflict resolution skills which do not come naturally. What comes naturally is fighting.

Going back to the medical model, you don’t leave a patient with a high fever for weeks at a time, you treat the fever and what is causing the fever in a short period of time. Couples in crisis are having the equivalent of serious fever. They are in stress because the “Fight or Flight Syndrome” causes huge adrenaline rushes which can’t be easily sustained over weeks of time. The stress is very hard on the body and is a leading cause of heart disease. The collateral damage happens to the children in the family. The toxic mood in the house is equivalent to torture for them because they are helpless and can’t do anything about it.

Clearly the treatment model for counseling needs a paradigm shift. We need to first resolve the problems in a short period of time, teach couples conflict resolution skills and relational skills and to lobby the insurance industry to adopt a different reimbursement model. Insurance companies need to pay for hours of service rendered and not dictate to the counselor how he structures the time element in the therapy.

As a couple, you need to seek out a marriage coach to help you resolve your problems. You will have to pay for it out of your own pocket, but it is a much more effective therapy and far cheaper than divorce.

Most coaches will deal with couples by phone or on the internet by Individual Messenger (IM). This saves time and money. Many couples don’t like to drive to an office. This way you can deal with your problems in the comfort of your own home.

The author of this article can be reached at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com