1. Romantic Date Idea – If you’ve been dating or married for a while, having a romantic date night is sure to bring back the spark. Send the kids to a friend’s house for a sleepover or spend the night at a hotel (my personal favorite, wink). “Hotel dates” are romantic because they seem to add an element of seduction. Whether at home or in a hotel, kick it up a notch and play some games like role-playing or pretending you are strangers. Be creative – this is fun – believe me!

2. Romantic Day Idea – This is not a repeat of #1. The idea of a romantic day is to spend the day together teaching your partner something new – a sport, a hobby or a craft (you get the idea). Be patient and creative in your teaching – and make it fun! This is a great way to get your partner to join you in your favorite hobby or interest –without coercing them. Reward the day’s learning experience with a celebratory dinner or drink! – and watch the love runneth over! It is a win-win!

3. Romantic Gift Idea – Create an album or scrapbook of your “life” story together – include information about the first time you met, your first date together, romantic moments, dates and times shared together. Include ticket stubs, cards, brochures, and any other important momentos signifying special occasions spent together. I have done this and my husband loved it!

4. Romantic Games that Costs you Nothing – Play a game together. For example, ask 10 – 20 questions of each other. This is a totally open, no holds barred chance to get to know each other better. You never know what kind of intimate and sexy information might be revealed to spark some intimate and sexy interludes after the game. Bring it on!

The list is really endless for romantic ways to spark romance and intimacy in your relationship. The 4 ideas written above just happen to be some of my favorite – they are easy, creative, inexpensive and fun! Whatever ways you come up with to renew the spark of intimacy in your relationship is great – the most important thing is to take this season of spring as a chance to spark and re-ignite the flames of passion and love in your relationship – it doesn’t really matter how you do it. Just do it!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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We all love a good laugh. Recent research tells us there are all sorts of great hormonal and biochemical benefits to laughter. It lowers your blood pressure and heart rate and promotes health and overall well-being. In other words, laughter is good for your health. So what does this have to do with offering relationship advice for this week? You now know that laughter is good for your physical health, but did you know that laughter and a sense of humor is key for keeping your relationship together as well?

Many times people take themselves way too seriously. Everything is a big deal. Sure, we are living in a time of financial and political turmoil, but that doesn’t mean we have to lose our sense of humor and the ability to laugh at ourselves and our partner as we meander our way through life.

Why is the ability to laugh and maintain a sense of humor so important to the health of our relationship? Well, long after everything else in our relationship is gone, the single thing left standing is often our sense of humor. Our sense of humor is the glue that binds our relationship together during the good and the bad times. If we lose our ability to laugh at ourselves and our partner, we lose the glue that binds us together in our relationship and the relationship becomes unglued.

Lighten up and laugh a little at yourself and each other. Laughter is essential to your happiness and makes difficult situations seem less stressful.

Your relationship is bound to run into some stormy seas. Navigating these stormy waters isn’t made any easier by losing your sense of humor. As a matter of fact, I would prefer to be with a partner who can laugh at the stressful moments of life than be with a partner who is cursing like a sailor at every little wave that tosses our boat a little off course.

Laughter and a sense of humor is worth its weight in gold in your relationship. Laughter is essential to your individual happiness and the key to happiness in your relationship.

Laugh with your partner. Share funny stories about your day and your encounters with people. Look at the lighter of side of life – everything isn’t doom and gloom.

If you can laugh and keep your sense of humor when your relationship hits stormy seas, you will certainly survive the storm and sail onwards to brighter days!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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We love our partner and we are committed to our relationship with them. Deep down in our heart and soul we know we truly want to be in love with them forever. In spite of this yearning to be close to the one we love, there are some common mistakes we make – sometimes on a daily basis – that prevents our dream relationship from coming true. Below are three common intimacy mistakes you must stop now to keep the flames alive in your relationship.

1. Criticizing and Belittling. People do not realize how often they criticize their partner (and people in general) throughout the course of a day. We might criticize the clothes they wear, the type of movies they like to watch or the music they listen to. Or we may criticize their opinions on anything and everything. Whatever it is you are criticizing your partner about – you must stop this now if you want to keep the flames of love alive in your relationship.

Think about this for a moment. Would you want to spend an extended amount of time with someone who is constantly criticizing you? Of course not! When we constantly criticize our partner, we are, in fact, belittling them. Whether that is your intention or not, belittling your partner is the consequence of criticizing them. So if you are hoping to spend many passionate days and nights with your partner, stop the criticizing and begin accepting them for who they are!

2. Resentment. Resentment acts like carbon monoxide in your relationship – it is an invisible silent killer that destroys all those who come in contact with it. If you and your partner hurt each other, which is inevitable in any relationship, the ability to forgive one another is paramount if you want to go the distance. The inability to forgive our partner creates resentment in our relationship. Forgiveness is the antidote to resentment and will go a long way to secure romance and intimacy in your relationship.

Unchecked resentment builds up and acts like an emotional wedge that comes between our self and our partner. Be willing to give to your partner what you will ask for someday – forgiveness. Sooner or later you will seek it from your partner too! And remember, you cannot ask from your partner that which you are not willing to give to them!

3. Unappreciated. It would be impossible for me to count the number of times I have heard people complain they feel unappreciated by their partner. As we become more comfortable with our partner, we sometimes forget to acknowledge the things they do for us. Couples who are able to increase their sense of intimacy and commitment to each other know that it is important to show your appreciation to your partner for the love they give to you and the things they do for you.

Appreciation can be shown in small every day acts of kindness. For example, bringing your partner a cup of coffee in the morning, or their favorite newspaper to read in bed are two very simple, but effective ways to show your partner how much you appreciate them. Remember, actions speak louder than words – so don’t forget to show your appreciation in your deeds as well as your words!

This article has provided you with three common mistakes you might be making that are preventing you from achieving the love and intimacy you crave in your relationship. Think about the ways you may, unwittingly, be criticizing your partner and stop it immediately! Building up resentment because you refuse to forgive your partner for past slights takes up more energy than it deserves – and zaps the romance out of your relationship. Neither you nor your partner is perfect so give it up already and let it go. Life is too short to hold onto past hurts. Finally, remember to show appreciation to your partner for the love and joy they bring to your life.

It you avoid these three common mistakes you are guaranteed to keep the flames of love burning brightly for years to come!

Today, I would like to give you the gift of gratitude. Gratitude is the ability to be grateful for all that we have in our lives. I am incredibly grateful to all the people with whom I share my life: my family, my friends and my loyal readers who know they can look to my articles for effective ways to increase the love and beauty of their romantic relationship.

Albert Einstein once said: “There are only two ways to live your life, one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as if everything is.” This life philosophy is based upon an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful for everything in your life and consider everything and everyone around you to be a miracle.

To be grateful in your relationship is to look at your relationship through a lens of abundance and appreciation. Focus on all the positives in your relationship – not the negatives. Be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on and being resentful for what you don’t have – or what you think you should have more of.

When you look at your relationship and your life through the eyes of gratitude – your world becomes a place of joy and happiness. Gratitude is a mindset that allows us to see the good in our partner and our life.

Here is my secret strategy for bringing gratitude into your relationship. Think about one nice thing that your partner said or did for you today – and be thankful for it. Be aware of how you feel as you think about this. Doesn’t it make you feel warm and loved? Let that feeling stay with you for a few moments and then go on with your day. Gratitude is also easily expressed by a thank-you or a hug; these are simple little acts that bring the giver so much love and appreciation in return for these easy gestures. 

Feeling grateful makes us feel good about ourselves and our relationships. Gratitude puts positive feelings into our relationship and allows it to expand from a place of love and abundance. Gratitude increases the bond we have with our partner and helps us resolve conflict in a healthy constructive manner.

Gratitude puts us in a place where we truly want to give back to the world for all that we have. When we are faced with conflicts in our relationship, if we approach these conflicts from a place of gratitude, we will feel less inclined to escalate these differences because we are not feeling the need to “win at all costs”.

The mindset and expression of gratitude in your day to day life helps solidify all your relationship and acts as glue for maintaining intimacy in your romantic relationship. When we show gratitude to our partner, we are letting them know we appreciate the love and intimacy they have brought into our lives.

Be grateful for all the love you have in your life. And my gift to you on my birthday is to give you my gratitude for our relationship. It is my hope you will give and show gratitude to the people you love in your life- and you will watch it spread like wild fire because gratitude is contagious.

Remember, gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving; I’ve given it to you as my birthday gift with the sincere hope that you will give it away to the ones you love! And you will see how much more you will get back in return!

So what is the value of remembering how you met your partner and why you fell in love with your partner in the first place when the two of you are at a point in your relationship where the very thought of each other sends a shiver of contempt, not lust, down your spine? The answer to this question is really simple so listen up.

Many couples ignore signals that their relationship is going south until it is in a rapid downward spiral – unraveling at the speed of sound. At this point, everything about your relationship and everything about your partner is negative, or at least it appears to be that way. In other words, you have created a negative mindset about your romantic relationship and your partner. So when you think negatively about your partner and your relationship, negativity is, in fact, all you see.

The danger of this negative mindset is the creation of a filter whereby anything positive about your relationship is filtered out; conversely, any and all negative aspects of your relationship come into view with a laser-like focus. Therefore, you really cannot see any positive aspects about your relationship or your partner; it has all been selectively blocked from your mind.

Therefore, my proven relationship tool of having couples remember and then verbally describe to each other memories of their early meetings and dates, and how they fell in love, creates the start of a shift from a negative mindset to a positive one. This shift eventually evolves into a positive mindset which creates positive feelings of warmth and tenderness towards your partner and your relationship; feelings which had been dead and buried for quite a long time. A positive mindset about your relationship allows you to see the positive in both your partner and your relationship. For example you might start to have feeling described in the following sentence: “Maybe he isn’t such a complete jerk after all”. This might sound like a rather small concession towards your partner but remember, a triumphant journey starts with one step at a time.

Next time you find yourself thinking negatively about your partner or your relationship, think back to when you first fell in love and feel the feelings these thoughts create inside your heart. Maybe they haven’t changes as much as you have come to believe they have? Maybe someone else in the relationship has changed more? Just a thought.

Conflict Resolution Skill #1: Keep this thought in mind as you and your partner are fighting over anything: Is it more important to be right about an issue you and your partner are dis-agreeing over? Or is it more important that the relationship remain intact? Many times when we fight with our significant other, we fight as if we are fighting for our very lives; and we feel as if we have to “win” our fight at all costs! Think about this for a moment: Is it worth it to “win the battle only to lose the war”? So the next time you find yourself about to enter the ring for a knock-down, drag out fight with your partner, stop and ask your self the question: “Is the issue at hand really that important to me”? Do you need to win the fight and run the risk of losing your relationship? Has the issue you are fighting about become more important than your relationship?

Conflict Resolution Skill #2: People always look at me a little kooky when I say this to them but conflict resolution skill #2 is knowing your position on an issue where you and your partner disagree. Most people say of course I know my position – how else could I fight for or make my case for my position? My response to that is of course you know your actual position on an issue, but I challenge everyone to know what the motivations are, what the influences are, what the values are behind one’s position.

In other words, what is it about who you are that has gone into shaping the opinions that you have and the world views that you hold? These opinions and positions you hold on issues just don’t appear out of thin air. They are the by product of your goals, values, expectations and many other things that have shaped you throughout your life.

So knowing your position (which of course everyone knows) when you are fighting with your partner just isn’t good enough!

Conflict Resolution Skill #3: Conflict will never be resolved, on any level, whether it be in your interpersonal relationships, or on the world stage of political negotiations, without effective communication skills. Notice I said “effective communication skills” not just “communication”. The way we communicate with our self and other’s in our lives ultimately determines the overall quality of our life – and it is, indeed, the foundation for all conflict resolution.

So remember – it is how you fight that determines the health and romance of your relationship – not the absence of fighting! Differences of opinions are a great opportunity to learn more about each other as both a couple and as an individual! Approach your disagreements with your partner as an opportunity for growth – not as a major hurdle to overcome – and your relationship will be able to go the distance!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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Most women love to shop. Truth be told, the holidays can be the perfect excuse for women to not only engage in – but ramp up into full gear – this favorite female pastime activity. Never mind that I, the bizarre person I can be at times, hates shopping. (I know, this alone should throw me out of the club called “womanhood” forever.) Although I hate shopping, I find myself spending a ton of time and money shopping during the holiday season; and like the rest of you, I suspect I spend more time shopping during the holiday season than at any other time during the year.

This means we spend more money during the holidays than any other time of the year as well. And therein lies the rub for most relationships – fighting about money rearing its ugly head once again – but now it gets even uglier because the fighting takes place during the holidays and this time it usually centers around how much money we are spending on gifts, decorations, food, etc.

Do you spend out of control and way over budget – and not say a word about it to your partner? Do you just wait until the credit card bill arrives in late January and then have a huge blow out fight?

Or do you pay cash so your partner doesn’t know how much you really spent on the Coach handbag you bought for your niece?

Maybe you don’t even realize how much you are spending on your holiday purchases because you truly get caught up in the spirit of the gift-giving season.

How do we avoid fighting with our partner about the amount of money we spend during the holidays?

Whatever your style of shopping and spending money might be, here are a few of Dr. Patty Ann’s Relationship Tips for Avoiding Money Fights during the Holidays – or when the credit card bill comes due.

1. Speak with your partner and agree on a Budget before you even think about shopping for anyone on your list. I know, I know, it sounds boring and the Holidays are all about giving, but remember, less can be more. Really.

2. Make a list of people you and your partner have agreed to purchase gifts for this holiday season and stick to the list. Do not add names as you go along. If you didn’t put the substitute teacher on the original gift-giving list you and you just remembered them while in the store – do not buy a gift for them. If you really, really, really want to let this substitute teacher know you are thinking about them during the holidays, bake them a pie or give them a call and let them know you are thinking of them. Believe me, we all realize what a precious commodity time is for everyone – especially during the holidays; and people will appreciate the fact that you took time out of your hectic holiday schedule to think of them.

3. Avoid impulsive purchases. Just because something is on “sale” it doesn’t mean you have to buy it. If the sale item is over-budget for the person you would be buying this gift for – do not buy it. It doesn’t matter that the item is on sale. Walk away from it. The receiver of the gift will never know you passed on that great pair of earrings you thought had their name written all over it.

In my work with couples I have found that a little bit of pre-arranged conversation and budgeting between you and your partner will go a long way in avoiding holiday money fights – before, during and long after the holidays.

4. Finally remember, it doesn’t cost us a dime to show people your love and affection for them. So try to remember “less is more” and time spent together is the type of spending Dr. Patty Ann recommends during the holiday season!

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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This story got me thinking. Even though you love your partner, do you trust them enough that you would want them to build your life’s parachute? Do you have enough faith in your partner that when the chips are down, and you feel as if your life is in free fall, your partner is the one you believe will catch you before you hit the ground? Or is the trust in your relationship so fragile that you wouldn’t even want your partner to think about having anything to do with building your parachute to stop your free fall?

In other words, if your life depended on it, who would you want to be the one to save you from a crash and burn scenario in life?

If you cannot answer, without hesitation that you want your partner to be the one to make your parachute – or be the one to catch you before you fall – the level of trust you have in your relationship is not where it needs to be.

Below are the three secrets you must know to increase the level of trust in your relationship so you are certain your partner will never let you hit the ground. Remember trust is at the heart of every long-term loving relationship.

1. The very first thing you must do is look at the level of commitment you bring to your relationship. If your partner had the same level of commitment to your relationship that you have, would that be satisfactory in your eyes? If not, take a long hard look in the mirror and evaluate your sense of commitment to your partner – and if need be, work on increasing your own level of commitment in your relationship. This is a fantastic way to increase the amount of trust in your relationship.

2. The next thing you must do to increase trust in your relationship is to make sure your relationship is predicated upon a partnership and not a competition. In other words, are you and your partner on the same team, in it together; or are you constantly competing against each other? Competition creates a winner and a loser. And I don’t know about you, but I never trust the competition. Make sure your relationship is a team effort, i.e., being in it together. Great teams are built upon trust among the players; happy couples must have trust between each other.

3. Finally, are you trustworthy? In other words, are you authentic, predictable and consistent in what you say and in what you do? Remember we cannot expect our partner to give us what we ourselves are not willing to give. So be trustworthy in your action and your words; be consistent, be predictable and be authentic.

You now have the three secrets you need to increase the level of trust in your relationship. Trust is a major building block for long-term happiness and intimacy. If you have enough trust in your relationship, your relationship will be able to weather any storm.

Your partner will be the one you want the most to build your life’s parachute and the only one whom you will want to catch you before you fall.

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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There are times when we absolutely unequivocally believe we communicated our message to our partner – only to end up in a never-ending battle that I refer to as the: “he said/she said” scenario. This battle gets played out something like this. One partner says: “I told you about that” (whatever “that” may be) to which the other partner responds: “No you didn’t”. Then the other partner responds back: “Yes I did”. “No – you did not”. “Yes – I most certainly did”. Well … you get the point.

What is going on for couples engaged in this type of communication battle is the fact that although words might have been exchanged – no message was ever communicated! In other words, just because we say something to each other, it does not mean we have communicated anything.

These couples are forgetting to use the #1 secret needed for effective communication!

People tend to forget that in order to have effective communication between people – especially between two people engaged in an intimate relationship – the #1 communication skill that must be employed is the art of listening.

No matter how eloquently we might speak, no matter how dramatic our speech, or the tone of our voice or even the art of diplomacy and level of sensitivity we use when trying to communicate with our partner, our communication will fall on deaf ears if nobody is listening to us!

The art of listening involves listening to what is being said without any preconceived notions or what I often refer to as “hidden agendas”. Listen for the message the speaker is trying to convey – and not for the message you want to hear.

The art of listening involves listening without any agenda on your part. In other words, listen with an open mind and an open heart. Listen with the intention of trying to understand – not persuade! Many times we listen from a defensive posture; we listen with a hidden agenda of trying to find fault in the content of the information being provided. And many times we listen with the intention of finding ways to disagree with the information being provided. When we do this type of listening we are listening with an ear for “catching” the speakers’ mistake on an issue. This is a far cry from listening with an open heart and an open mind.

The next time you are trying to effectively communicate with your partner, be certain you bring the #1 secret for effective communication to the dialogue. Whether you are the sender or receiver of your message – no effective communication is heard if the art of listening is not employed. It insures both parties are heard and clearly understood.

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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It really is incredible how we can so easily see the things other people do, or say, that sabotages the romance and happiness they so desperately want from their relationships. It is almost as if people have been cursed with an inability to get out of their own way – especially when it comes to increasing the romance and happiness we practically live for in our most intimate relationships.

In an attempt to stop this sabotaging behavior, I am revealing the three most powerful things you must stop doing now that sabotages the romance and happiness you crave.

1. Sabotaging Activity #1: Checking email – or any other computer or technologically-based activities that find a way of stealing time away from you that you had planned on spending with your sweetheart.

Let me give you an example I am sure you can relate to. Dinner is finished and all cleaned up. You and your honey decide to watch a movie together. Before you start the movie you turn to your partner and say: “Just give me 5 minutes – I want to check my email and then you can start the movie”.The next thing you know an hour has flown by and you have gone from checking your email, to writing a response to those checked emails, to surfing the internet, and you have your honey waiting way more than 5 minutes – even though you promised you’d be gone only 5 minutes. Sound familiar?

Solution for Sabotaging Activity #1: Prioritize your relationship by actually setting aside time in your schedule to spend with your honey – and then stick to this time! Do not let anything else distract you or take priority over the time you set aside to spend with your honey. There is absolutely no “make-up” time for time lost from your honey.

2. Sabotaging Activity #2: Multi-tasking while spending time with your sweetheart. This romance killing activity gets played out something like this. You and your honey go out for a nice dinner together – but you are constantly checking your iphone or blackberry – reading your emails and/or responding to them – all while you are trying to have a dinner conversation with your sweetheart. Totally not cool! This is an incredible downer for your sweetheart who is left feeling neglected or at least not as important as everything else you just “have to do” rather than giving them your undivided attention.

Solution for Sabotaging Activity #2: Stop multi-tasking and be totally “present” and “in the moment” when you are spending time with your sweetheart. If the temptation to answer your emails is too much for you – shut your iphone or cell phone off while you are out to dinner with your sweetheart. It really won’t kill you! This is particularly important when you are celebrating special moments or achievements in your life like birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, etc.

3. Sabotaging Activity #3: Over-scheduling. Although you really want to spend time with your honey, you just can’t seem to fit your relationship into your over-crowded, over busy schedule. You can’t seem to find the time to spend time together because you are always always working, volunteering, busy running the kids around all over town, etc. There is absolutely no replacement for spending time with your sweetheart if you want to keep the flames burning. Overscheduling your life will surely distinguish the flames of love as sure as lack of oxygen will cool down a fire. Stop over-scheduling your life. Make time to take the time to be together – as Nike says, Just Do It!

Solution for Sabotaging Activity # 3: Slow down and stop rushing through life. Take time to smell the roses. Make sure you pay attention to the things that really matter in your life and that require your attention. To get good at anything we need to spend quality time at it – and that most definitely includes our romantic relationships.

I have just revealed to you three powerful ways you sabotage your relationship – and what’s even better – I have provided you with fool-proof solutions for stopping this sabotaging behavior. Go out now and spend some great time increasing romance and happiness with your sweetheart. Take time to make time and watch your love and intimacy explode.

Rekindle Romance and Happiness in Your Relationship,

Dr. Patty Ann
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