Wrong.

The worst that can happen is the company takes your money, then closes its doors and absconds to Venezuela to never be heard from again.

This was a disappointment, a serious disappoint. It threw me for a loop. It meant, if I looked in the mirror, that I had made a mistake. My judgment had been wrong. And now, here I was, burned from the experience, with no one to blame but myself.

It took me a while to move past this first phase of the big D. First, I blamed them. Then, I blamed myself. Then I ate a pint of Phish Food from Ben and Jerry’s. None of this was effective. Then, I did some soul searching, and realized, I am a good person who is flawed. We are all. We do things wrong, we make mistakes, and we deal with other humans – who inevitably let us down. Things don’t go our way.

Here are some tips for avoiding the big D, and then for moving past it and stop wallowing!

1. Remember, you are usually not alone. It helped me, in a weird way, to learn that I was not the first, nor the only person to be duped. Usually the thing that disappointed you has disappointed others.

2. Look for patterns in the disappointer. If you have the family member who always backs out at the last minute, or the friend who always bails out on you, remember that the next time. Don’t allow it to hurt you by thinking in terms of what this person normally does, and what this person is capable of.

3. Stop putting people on pedestals. This will only let you down, in a fairly consistent basis.

4. Stop setting your expectations so high that even if a person stepped out of a dream, they would still miss the mark.

5. Think: “What can I learn from this experience?” If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we aren’t growing at all. Be honest, and think of how your behavior may have lead to the situation.

6. Get angry – but don’t dwell on it. It’s ok to feel anger, and again, listen to the anger. What are you angry about? What could you have done differently? Act on the positive aspects of this introspection.

7. Go easy on yourself. Have you ever noticed how we tend to be our worst critics? We will go easy on any number of people, but on ourselves, we can be brutal. I appreciate looking inward and being honest, but put down the baseball bat!

8. Make a new plan – a plan to even surpass where the first situation may have taken you! Turn the negative into something positive. Turn the page. Dwelling gets you nowhere.

9. Allow yourself some time to get over the disappointment. It will take some time, so do things that you enjoy, to help move you forward.

10. Remember, if there is a chronic disappointer in your life: You cannot change other people. The only thing you can change is how you react to the situation around you.

11. Find, and revel in the blessings in your life. Focus on the things that you have, that have gone well for you!

Disappointment is a part of life. It is in how we deal with these challenges that help us grow. Through this process, we create our own future. We can spin down a spiral of negativity, or be the positive optimist, looking for a better solution.

So how is it that we move from normal to “nuts”  in the snap of a finger?  Well, we do all have certain triggers.  And in some cases, we have built these triggers to be far more important than they really are.  And in other times, we are just not in the mood to deal with the problem.  Perhaps we had a bad day.  Perhaps we just left from a fight with a loved one.  The emotions from the recent easily overflow into the current moment.

So how do we keep our cool at those times?  Here are some tips to keep it together.

1) Remember – if you lose your cool, you are no longer in control.  Think about it.  Do you really want to give your control up to this jerk?  Do you want them to be in charge?  No.  You want to be in control.  Don’t give your power up to them.

2) There is always a moment.  Albeit brief, there is that one moment before you snap.  When you are there, just try and stay there.  Your best bet is to just stay in that place, and not leap out into anger.  You can do that by quickly shifting your focus to breathing and/or counting.  Deep breaths can slow your heart rate and brain frequencies down, so that you can remain calmer longer.  Adding counting helps this process, by giving your brain something else to do, to calm down.

3) Here’s the thing.  If you are getting angry at someone because of something they did or said to you, remember this:  Chances are, it has nothing to do with you.  Chances are, especially if it’s a stranger (hello?) that you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  You are just in the way of their own anger, their own frustrations.  They are yelling at the body in front of them.  It is not personal.  It’s just them getting out their own garbage, and you happen to be the poor person in the way.  But if you look at things that way, it makes it much easier to let it roll off your back.  Because it was never intended to hit you in the first place.

4) Time for a reality check here.  Look inward.  Think about your own patterns.  Do you have a habit of taking things personally, even when they were not intended that way?  Do you have a way of over reacting, making mountains out of molehills?  If so, look for the reasons why.  Do some soul searching.  Are you addicted to the drama?  Do you need the attention?  If so, there is something for you to work on.

5) Check for patterns in the person who is involved.  If this is the first time someone has started up with you consider – is this out of character for them? If so, take control by giving them some slack. You will find you feel better about yourself as well.

6) Consider why you are angry, and work out the issue.  Give it real thought, not just reaction.  If it’s something that you can fix, then you can begin to work on it.

7) Find an escape.  Take a walk, read a book, talk to a friend, play some great music.  Clear your head, and get it out of your system, in a safe way.

Remember, feeling angry is normal.  We all get that feeling.  It’s all in how you deal with it that matters.  You cannot control all the things that impact you in life, but you can sure control how you handle it.

Ah romance. Just the mention of the word stirs the soul. Most of us want more romance in our lives. But we do tend to leave it to the other person, and then we get upset when they don’t do what we’ve telepathically told them to do. Why not try to take romance into your own hands? Here are a few easy and low cost ways to add romance to your life.

• When your significant other comes home tired, have the tub filled for them. How nice is that? Then when they are really relaxed, you can join them.

• Play your significant others favorite music to help them unwind.

• Back or foot massages are always a romantic treat.

• Take a long, slow walk together holding hands.

• Send a random email or text message, just something simple like “ilu” can make a big difference in someone’s day.

• When they are talking to you, really be there. Look into their eyes, and truly listen. Nothing is sexier than a person who’s paying attention.

• Rent a superromantic movie, like An Affair to Remember, Ghost, or Titanic. Watch it, and cry together.

• Get a friend to take the kids for a night, and offer to repay them by doing the same. With the kids away, have a nice relaxing meal, with lots of talking with no distractions. A simple meal is fine, because the emphasis here is on just being alone together.

• Have date night, even if it’s at home with the kids. Rent a movie, make popcorn, and be sure to have their favorite treat on hand.

• Don’t discount the value of a kiss. A long passionate kiss right before he leaves for work will ensure that he wants to come home quickly for more! And kissing at all times is always a good thing, especially when it’s out of the blue. Very romantic.

• Surprise them with a nice breakfast in bed.

• Ask them what they think romantic is, and then do it!

Try a few of these to renew the romance in your life. Have fun, and if you do it with the spirit of sincere love and romance, love karma will be on your side. Relax and enjoy!

Well, that scenario, or one like it has happened to many women, men too actually. There is this great man, but he’s got baggage. A kid, or kids, and with that almost always comes an ex-wife. So the question then becomes, should you date him? Should you invest time and potentially become serious with this man? The answer is a tough one. You need to ask yourself some challenging questions – and answer honestly. The trick here is not to be blinded by his charming ways, or his baby blues. Answer these questions honestly to yourself, and find your way… to either this man, or the exit door. So here you go.

Are you ready to be a parent? Because even if you are not formally a parent, as the adult female, you will at times have to reprimand and take control of children. This may be a challenge, especially if you find your self with a guilt-ridden parent, who in an attempt to assuage the pain of the divorce, lets the kids do whatever they want. Sometimes, there are too few rules, and in some cases, just too little parenting. You may have to step in.

Are you ready for a relationship where you are not first? Face it. When kids are involved, it’s about them. And it should be. I am not saying to spoil them. I am saying that their needs come first. Parents already know this, but potential steps may not actually get that point. You won’t be first, the kids will be.

Is he ready? This might seem like a strange question, but sometimes people are just too newly out of a divorce. They may need time for themselves, or to be alone with their children. In fact, they may be confused and not really ready, yet still think they want to date. That may be tough to spot at first, but if you see any signs of anxiety and stress, be sure to talk about it.

Can you handle not being in control and not having much say? Sometimes, the “Step” in step-parenting means “Stepping out of the way”. Again, it’s about the kids. So, all adults need to discuss with open communication what is right for the kids, and your point of view may not be the course of action selected. In fact, in the beginning, your point of view may be all but ignored. And in some cases, there is tension still between the person you are dating, and the ex. This can be challenging, and you will have to find yourself holding your tongue so that the kids don’t get caught in the middle.

Do you really think he’s worth it? Remember, if you do ever want kids of your own, you get to see this man in action as a dad. It’s your own little preview of his fathering style. Look at it, watch it, and observe. Is he loving, kind and there for his kids? Or does he roll his eyes when his children call on his cell? That will tell you how he will be with your kids, should you ever have them together.

Can you be flexible? Sure, you may have planned the weekend at the Waldorf getaway, but when the 10 year old has broken an arm playing hockey and needs Daddy, well, things change. Can you change the plans without whining, understanding that the kids do come first? Because if you find a father who is committed enough to his kids to really be there for him, um, hello, that is a GOOD thing.

And there you have it. If you can do these things, then it sounds like you might be ready to take that step, to date that AMWK (Awesome Man with Kids) who’s got potential. It’s not always easy, but with some patience, understanding, and stepping out of the way, you can have the real deal. And if you are prepared, then you are on your way to blended family bliss!