The fine china has been cleared from the table. Wine glasses empty slowly as you and your date idle expectantly on a long, wide sofa, whose deep, rich fabric invites bare skin.

Soft, romantic music plays in the background as the evening sun fades into dusk. In the glow of dim light, casual conversation carves sexual nuance into a pregnant moment, as your desire rises forcefully from within your bosom.

A gloriously romantic scene sets the stage for the final act. A hand lightly brushes a knee, you tell a naughty joke and your date laughs. The moment is right. Your eyes meet. And with grave implication, your date holds your expectant gaze and whispers.

“I’m a transsexual”.

HUH? What the…?Wait!

You have just received the briefest tidbit of some horrible information, instantly altering the romantic paradigm of moments before.

“You’re a what?” you shriek as you not-so-subtly cover your crotch with a couch pillow. You’re not sure what a transsexual is, but you’re pretty sure they are regulars on the Jerry Springer show. And that makes it BAD NEWS.

“I’m a transsexual”

‘OH MY GOD! What’s a transsexual?” you shriek. “Will I get some horrible disease? Am I gay?”

Relax. Calm down. Transsexuals and transgendered people live and walk among us as they have done for centuries.

My name is Rosie and I am a proud post-operative transsexual woman. My purpose, as an Amateur Relationship Expert for LoveDetour.com is to generally demystify the condition of Gender Identity that includes a wide range of beautifully diverse gendered expression. It is my intention to provide you with an educated perspective that will preclude the sort of disastrous scenario that I described in the first two paragraphs of this article. By the time you have completed your gender education in the following pages, you will be prepared to confront your next encounter with gender diversity with tact and sensitivity.

To demystify the concept of transsexualism and transgenderism, we must first achieve a clear understand of the real nature of gender. Simply put, gender exists between the ears whereas sex is between the legs. Gender is the unique expression of where one finds oneself on the gendered continuum between the idealized, absolutes of masculine and feminine.

You’ll notice that in the previous sentence, I referred to “idealized absolutes’. Since the beginning of time, largely due to the limits of language, we humans have conceptualized our world in terms of a dichotomy: black and white, good and bad, hot and cold, and of course male and female. While this over-simplification makes for effective conversation, it fails miserably when used to describe human sexuality.

Along the broad continuum of human psych-social development, the truth is that we all contain biological components of both sexes .In fact; all human beings begin life as genetic females. Then over the course of our fetal development, male and female differentiation occurs generally along predictable lines. Males, with the help of the testosterone, develop deeper voices, bulky muscles, a propensity for body hair. Woman, due to estrogen biology, have higher voice pitch and resonance, smoother muscles and much less body hair. In this way, with the use of hormones, the body guides the sexual development throughout infancy, puberty and adolescence.

It is important to note that, while this process produces a mold for the differentiation of humans into two visually distinguishable sexes, infinite variations in the process, called brain sex, produce a wide variety of personal expression in the final product. This complex combination of sex determinants sets the stage for the development of gender identity.

Simply put, gender identity is personality’s relationship with the body. Within the myriad expression of our sexuality is the essence of gender. The antiquated concept that behavior must conform to expectations based solely on the existence of one’s genitalia is no longer workable.

Gender expression is a tale of mystery written by the hand of psycho-social development. Masculine and feminine are the parts we play on the stage of life. Generally speaking, gendered behavior corresponds to one’s sexual determinants. People with male genitalia express male gendered behavior. Conversely, people with female genitalia engage in female gendered behavior. However, if we feel it is important or necessary to maintain these strict categories to define people, we must have a firm definition of precisely what is appropriately gendered dress and behavior. No such definitions exist.

If you doubt the veracity of the previous statement, I beg of you to challenge it by asking as many people as you can to define male and female. If they make it past that question, then ask them to explain the difference between masculine and feminine and watch ad their brains fry in the attempt. Here are the standard definitions of male and female from the FreeDictionary:

male

adj.

1.

a. Of, relating to, or designating the sex that has organs to produce spermatozoa for fertilizing ova.

b. Characteristic of or appropriate to this sex; masculine.

c. Consisting of members of this sex.

2. Virile; manly.

fe·male

adj.

1.

a. Of or denoting the sex that produces ova or bears young.

b. Characteristic of or appropriate to this sex; feminine.

c. Consisting of members of this sex.

Any alien visitor to earth who read this description of the distinction between male and female would exit the planet shaking their heads in confusion

Fortunately, in the global sense we have no fixed definition of appropriate gender this definitions in an attempt to understand expression. The rules for gender vary widely from culture to culture–decade to decade.In the new millennium, men wear pink colors in clothing, earrings, long hair and nail polish. Women have always been more liberated in their ability to express themselves. Since World War II, women have been wearing pants, which would have been heresy only a few years prior to the war.

Transgendered is the umbrella category for all people who do not conform to gendered expectations of society. Transgender people identify with the gender that is opposite their natal sex., and express that identification through a variety of characteristics, such as hair, clothes mannerism, speech. Transgendered behavior or more specifically transcendent gendered expression transforms the muddy waters of gender from a wading pool into an ocean of gender possibilities.

While this broad category of gender diverse expression includes a wide variety of personal expression, we will confine ourselves in this discussion to those most pertinent descriptions of gender identity and their impact on dating What you want to know is exactly how to tell the girls from the boys to avoid the situation described in the beginning of this article.

Learning how to tell the guys from the gals these days IS a challenge. But I can help. Stand by for the next in a series of articles on Avoiding a Transsexual Moment.

From Sista Rosie, The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering

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