When you are married and you are looking into either separate or to actually divorce, that’s a big step, not only for you, but for the rest of the family as well. When you have kids together, it’s even a bigger decision then if you are just married without children. You have to take look at how it will effect the kids and if they are close with both parents and such. Then you still have to talk about custody and visitation. In some cases, the other parent might not matter as much as some. Sometimes one of the parents will give in and just let the one have the kids and see them whenever they can or not at all. Other times there are going to be ugly custody hearings. Sometimes parents should agree to disagree on things and each should give a little. Either way with a divorce or a separation it’s going to be hardest on the kids. So make sure that you talk to your kids and somewhat let them know what is going on and that things will be changing and let them know that the both of you still love them unconditionally but that you two just need a break.
When the kids are older, it might be easier to talk to them and let them know what is going on. When they are younger, they don’t always understand things and will ask why and sometimes they might even put the blame on themselves because they don’t understand the way that adults do. The older the kids get, the more they learn to understand what problems the adults have to deal with.
If you just don’t want to have a part in your spouse’s life anymore, maybe divorce is the best way to handle it. If you aren’t getting along with them, or you have issues with them such as abuse or other issues like drinking and such, then it’s just best to get out of that situation as fast as you can. You shouldn’t have to deal with things like that and neither should your children. I have been through some rough times as both a mother and a wife. I have been abused when I was little and then when I first got married, my husband thought that he could get away with physically and mentally abusing me as well. I turned the tables on him and learned to stand up for myself and one day when he got up in my face, I got right back up in his! I am not saying doing that with your spouse, but it worked for me. And ever since then when or if he thinks that he can get up in my face, I am right there back up in his and so that it hasn’t been an issue for us. When we were first married, not only did I have to deal with the abuse, but he went out drinking too and which led into the abuse. Before we were even 5 weeks into the marriage, he left and we separated for a year and then got back together shortly after the birth of our first son together, my second child/son. We have been married 14 ½ years now. Things aren’t easy by any means. You have to believe in yourself and ask yourself if you are happy and if you are not do something to get out of the situation even if it takes a few months or a year, get yourself together not only for you but for your children and make things better for all of you.
About the Author: Hi, my name is Lisa, I am a stay at home and work at home mom of 4 children. I live in Oklahoma, married for over 14 years. I have been writing for years and also blogging for a few years. I enjoy spending time with my kids, I love listening to music. I enjoy chatting and emailing friends online. I love writing and someday hope to publish a book. Blogging is part of my daily life, it’s a great stress reliever and it helps get my opinions about things out there.
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