By Keith Makenas

First off, I’m going to write a disclaimer:  I’m not trying to be negative here, I’m just trying to prepare you for what will happen in the near future.  The following is an example of what happens after you’ve been in a relationship for quite some time.

Month One: “OMG, he’s as classy as James bond, dances like Fred Astaire, and is as laid back as a cuddly Koala Bear on Quaaludes.”

“Dude! This chick is insanely awesome, she’s not like other girls, she brings me rum and cokes with ninety percent rum, she doesn’t mind my smoking and she said she wants to please me in the sack and do whatever I want, including bringing other girls into the bedroom!”

After a Year: “Yeah he’s changed, he doesn’t take me dancing he just sits around his apartment watching B rated horror films in sweat pants with a huge hole in the crotch so he can scratch himself.”

“Every night she nags the bijeezus out of me for drinking and smoking too much and she’s about as active in the bedroom as a dying sloth.”

Don’t worry, they’ll say it to their friends not you, but someday it’ll get back to you and tick you off.  Just remember everyone exaggerates.  The only time guys and girls get into a “my partner is better…” contest is in the movies. In real life people compete to see who has it worse, and the way to accomplish this is by exaggerating, lying or legitimately forgetting what really happened.  Here’s an example of the forgetting part: A local radio deejay had his wife on the air with him and she mentioned how he went to Florida while she was recovering from a knee injury.  He reminded her that he was in California for his mother’s funeral.  She quickly retracted realizing she forgot about the funeral.  The deejay then told her that she probably told all her friends that he abandoned her while she was recovering to have fun in California. She did.

It’s tough to have the person you’re in love with or falling in love with exaggerates about us, but there’s an easy coping mechanism:  Whenever they exaggerate, make your exaggeration ten times worse when talking about them.  Okay, okay, that was a joke.  DO NOT do that!!! Best way to handle it in front of their friends is be very calm and tell them, “There’s some truth to it, but they’ve exaggerated quite a bit too.”  If you get defensive and angry, that will be a sign to the friends that the exaggeration may be true.  The best thing to do is smile and then excuse yourself for a moment.  Go to the alley where no one can see nor hear you, scream at the top of your lungs, punch the dumpster, and kick a few alley rats if possible. Put your game face back on and go back inside.

Later, explain to him/her that the exaggeration hurt you and please don’t do it again.  If you approach it that way then I guarantee they won’t do it again.   BWAAAH!  Sorry, I thought I could say that with a straight face.  It will happen again, but so what as long as it’s not something that is personally destroying your life and future, just let it go.

In conclusion, I’m not saying you’ll be chastised as always doing wrong stuff, I’m not saying that at all.  Not until one of my future articles so be patient.

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