Right after Christmas (sometimes even before), it starts. The aisles at your local drugstore become a sea of pink and red. Stuffed animals holding hearts multiply like Mogwai. Necco conversation hearts replace candy canes. The equal-opportunity-offender jewelry advertisements disappear for a week or two and then start up again, driving both men and women into a consumerist frenzy.

It’s the Valentine’s Day hype, and it’s enough to make even the happiest Smug Married couple scream. For Singletons, it can be unbearable. Whether you’ve just ended a long –term relationship or haven’t had a date since the first Bush administration, seeing all the chocolates and long-stemmed red roses can make you nauseous.

If Valentine’s Day is about love, then it’s time we remember that “love” is an inclusive term. Resist the urge to camp on the couch in your sweats scarfing down Edy’s and boxed wine while watching a Lifetime marathon, or the equally powerful urge to belt out “Love Stinks” at your local karaoke joint (a la Robby Hart in “The Wedding Singer”). Instead, celebrate loving your family, your friends, yourself, and God as you understand Him/Her/It/Them.

* Send Valentines to everyone you love (or even like a little) – your kids, your parents, your grandparents, your BFF, the rest of your crew, your coworkers. Some stores have valentines in packs of 6, 8 or 10. You may even want to get a box of “student” valentines (you know, the kind you stuffed into decorated shoe boxes back in grade school).

* In your list, include someone who’s not expecting a Valentine, either from you or at all – your neighbor who waters your plants while you’re away, your great-uncle who lives in Florida and sends $5.00 on your birthday, your boss, a friend or relative who’s recently lost a spouse or partner. Extra credit: make Valentines for the residents at a group home or nursing home or the kids in an after-school program.

* Go to www.emailourmilitary.com and participate in the Valentines from the Heart Project.

* Plan a party or a night out with your single friends. Watch movies that affirm the value of friends and family, play games, eat lots of junk food, and enjoy each other’s company. If you go out, anything goes, as long as it’s fun and you have opportunities to flirt outrageously with attractive people.

* If you have kids, plan a fun evening with them. Cook your kids’ favorite foods or get takeout, spread out blankets on your living room or family room floor, and have a picnic. Then write letters to each of your kids telling them what you love about them, and have them do the same for each of their siblings and for you. If they can’t write yet, have them draw pictures. Don’t have kids? Borrow some for the evening – offer to babysit your nieces or nephews or your friends’ kids so their parents can get a night out.

* Do community service somewhere – serve a community meal, usher at a play or a concert, help paint a Habitat for Humanity home. This one may require some advance planning; if you’re short on time, just spend the day doing random acts of kindness. In the spirit of the historical St. Valentine, who defied the orders of Emperor Claudius II and secretly performed marriages for young Roman soldiers and their sweethearts (Sources: Wikipedia and History.com), don’t tell anyone what you’re doing.

* Pamper yourself (yes, guys can do it too). Go to the movie or concert you’ve been wanting to see or the restaurant you’ve been wanting to check out, even if you’re going alone. Cook your favorite meal, and sit down to eat it. Browse in a bookstore, music store, or any other place you enjoy. Spruce up your looks; get rid of clothes you don’t want and experiment with what’s left. Cut or color your hair, do your nails, take a long bath, whatever.

* This one’s courtesy of my therapist, Jan: Human beings crave touch; do whatever healthy activities will satisfy that need. Hug as many people as you can. Trade massages with a friend or get a professional massage if you can afford it. Go out dancing.

* Do yoga or Pilates, ride your bike, go for a walk or a run, or do anything else that keeps you in touch with your body.

* Buy yourself flowers or a live plant. While you’re at it, buy a second one and send it to your mom, grandma or aunt (or your dad, grandpa or uncle).

* Don’t forget your pets! Get them a new toy and/or a special treat, and spend some extra time snuggling with them. If the weather’s good, take your dog to the park. Bonus: You may meet someone new! Look into getting your pet trained as a therapy animal; dogs and cats are obvious choices, but small mammals and birds can be trained too.

* Set a goal to do something loving and nurturing for yourself every day. It can be pampering yourself, working towards a goal, or less obvious self-care like filing your taxes early, cleaning your house, updating your resume, getting your car serviced, or making and keeping the doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off.

* Make a gratitude list. Count your blessings, and then include the things that you’re glad that you don’t have.

* Take some quiet time for spirituality. Go to church or temple, meditate, go for a walk – however you connect with a Higher Power. You can talk or simply listen.

If you’re truly ready to look for someone new and haven’t found the right person yet, it may be time to ring the changes.

* Make a vision board illustrating what you want your next relationship to be like. It sounds silly, but having a visual aid in front of you helps make your goal a little more real.

* Try something new – agree to a fix-up, try speed dating, join a single volunteers group.

* Create a profile on a dating site (yes, there are free ones). Include your best pictures and as many positive things about yourself as you can fit in the space.

* Write down behaviors that have sabotaged your past relationships and that you’re ready to let go, then burn the paper.

* A tip from my friend Cindy: Pray for the right person to come into your life at the right time and for both of you to be ready at the same time.

My final piece of advice comes from history. The Romans celebrated a spring festival called the Lupercalia in mid-February. As part of the celebration, young men drew the names of young women in a lottery, and they would be paired for the year to follow. Many of these relationships led to marriages. In the fifth century, Pope Gelasius outlawed this custom and substituted the custom of men and women drawing the names of saints and emulating their chosen saint for the coming year. (Sources: Infoplease and wilstar.com) Why not take a page from the early Christians and pick someone (or several someones) you respect, and find a way to make your dreams come true in a similar way or look for their good qualities in yourself and cultivate them?

About the Author – Meghan K. Donovan is a creative spirit moonlighting as an office manager and freelance writer. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio with her two almost-human cats. She believes in God and in the power of chocolate to heal most ills. She digs guys as committed to peace, social justice, and spirituality as she is.

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