We’ve all had them. Everything was going so well and then . . . . We ran out of gas, as happened to a high school classmate of mine when he finally got a date with his crush (homecoming night or prom night, don’t remember which). The cat runs out the door while we’re saying good night, or his cat gets between us when we’re sitting on the couch ready to kiss. (Both happened to me.) The car battery dies, we get pulled over for speeding, our credit card gets declined after a very nice, expensive dinner, we find out we forgot to close our fly, a pre-date waxing goes completely wrong.

Here are some more horror stories shared by my brave and generous friends.

Tracey, 20s, Ireland: “Dated a guy for 3 months. Christmas came and he gave me SOAP. I finished with him the next day by phone.”

Hmmm . . . if a guy gave me soap, I’d consider the motivation. Is he being thoughtful and buying the wonderful Ayurvedic soap I use to wash my face, or is he trying to tell me I stink? Or is he buying his ex-wife’s or ex-girlfriend’s favorite in hopes of turning me into her?

Kat, 20s, southern U.S.: “This one dude (this was when I was 19) and I were supposed to go out on a Thursday and he was late showing up. He called me an HOUR after he was supposed to arrive. He told me he had been robbed at the little store he worked at and kept going on and on and finally I said ‘Okay, cut the B.S. He was like, ‘I have been at the station identifying people.’ I said, “Okay, I am very hungry so I will let you buy me dinner,’ (yes so kind am I )

“After dinner (me being so cheezy and frisky) I asked him if he could kiss and drive because he hadn’t kissed me yet and I was getting bored, so he leans over and smooches me.Then the next thing we know we are way up over a curb, hitting a stop sign and a tad in someone’s lawn. May I mention this was in a ritzy area where cops are always around? He knocked down the street sign, too.

“Of course a cop comes over, we both had to talk to the officer and it was mortifying. They thought we were drunk, and my face was so red. The cop was looking at me like it was something else.

“My date was way sweet after he almost killed us so I thought “Hmmm,” but I didn’t smooch him again that night obviously!

“Back to the being robbed thing. The next day my mom showed me the local paper about a 19-year-old who was robbed while managing the store he worked at and how he went to the police station. I felt bad for not believing him, and we ended up dating off and on for a year (though I never let him kiss me while the car was moving again!)”

Seriously embarrassing stuff, but very cool that they were able to get past it and laugh about it later.

Gail, “ageless”, Alberta, Canada: “University days, out on a date with a handsome fellow, upper crust type, you know the type.  We went to a ‘HELL dance’ put on by the Engineers, (he was in the faculty).  He obviously couldn’t hold his liquor because after the dance, he threw up on me in the car. It was our last date.”

Yuck. Puke does tend to ruin a good date, whether it’s food poisoning, motion sickness, or alcohol causing the puking.

Deb, “old enough to know better,” Indiana, U.S.: “I remember when I was still drinking and out with a guy (who shall remain nameless!), I got so drunk that I got on top of the bar and was dancing, thinking I was just too cool! Yeah, right! What I did not know was that my dress was stuck in the back of my pantyhose! YIKES! As it turns out, the guy I was with was just as drunk and we both made a spectacle of ourselves!”

I suppose you could always play that situation off as “I meant to do that.” Naaah . . . maybe not.

Joyce, 50-something, Ohio, U.S.: “I was still drinking and out with my boyfriend, who I was convinced was a worse drinker than I was. We were out at a bar, and I was very drunk, but I still tried to break up with him, telling him HE was an alcoholic and HE needed help. (I did get sober some time after and went on to meet and marry a wonderful sober man.)”

Oy vey. Talk about an embarrassing breakup story. Yay for the happy ending, though.

Adsila, 45, New York, U.S.: “I was on a blind date and meeting this man in Albany. The date was arranged by an ex-boyfriend. (Author’s note: Be very careful of dates set up by an ex.) I drove to Albany and we went to a very nice sushi place and had a great dinner. Then went to the Spectrum Theatre to see Pedro Almodovar’s ‘Live Flesh.’ Since he is my favorite director, I was very happy so far. Halfway through the movie, my date decided that he would impress me by stealing the movie poster right off the marquee behind glass. He rolled it up and tried to give it to me but I was horrified that he was doing this right in front of everyone in the theatre. I suggested that we leave and as we were walking, somehow he disappeared and I could not find him. I searched everywhere but he was nowhere. So I got into my car and headed home. About an hour later,I received a phone call that he was arrested and in jail for possession of heroin . . . he left his Rolex watch in my apartment and wanted to know if he could come get it. I left it in the mailbox.”

Hard to top that one. But wait . . .

Holly, age unknown, British Columbia, Canada: “Met a fellow through an ad, went with my girlfriend to his house to meet, his dog was in major, unfixable pain and needed to be put to sleep, but he was too afraid to face it. So my girlfriend and I loaded the pup in my car, and I went in and held him as he was given the needle.

“First & last date: I killed his dog!”

Very sad story, and really says a lot about this guy’s character.

And the Worst-Case Scenario Survivor Award goes to:

Susan, age unknown, U.S.: “The best was a fix up type date.   Saw pictures of him, so I knew he was cute . . . but that was about it.   So as a former drinker, we met at a bar.  First, not only was he sweaty and seemed to shimmer from the grease on skin, but he was an idiot as well.  About a half-hour into the date (hey, I was doing my part), he asked me if he was going to get laid. That was after his fourth Guinness.  He did not get laid.

“Next was my law school boyfriend.  We dated for about 8 months. One night, I stayed over and woke up about 3 a.m. Light was on in his bathroom. Got up and peeked in to find him in my white cotton undies and singing some techno song. I said nothing, went back to bed, and broke up with him a month later.  (Yes, I stayed on . . .codependent me.”

“Finally, there was some Canadian hockey player who lived in my overcrowded dorm. I only mention this, because there is little else I remember about him.  I remember his name was Scott.   OK . . . so I am kissing him one night, and he keeps saying ‘Mama’ after we take a breather from making out. What was that about? Not some breathless ‘Mama,” but a weird ‘Mama.” Like in Mommy. And there is more to that story, but it is not fit to be published.

“And ask me about the night I smoked a bunch of pot and ended up on a swing set. His name was Joey, and I later found out he was a drug dealer.”

Next, some practical advice about how to prevent disasters from happening and cope when they do:

–Three words: Always carry cash. You never know when you’ll find out the restaurant doesn’t take American Express, you’ll need to pay a tow truck, or you’ll need bus or cab fare.

–Do not do any major beauty procedures the day before or the day of your date. Waxing, sugaring, hair color changes, and haircuts all have potential to go completely awry. Do them a few days in advance, and stick to simple things like manicures and pedicures right before your date. Guys, you can shave, but be careful – don’t try shaving off your beard or mustache or shaving your head right before a date.

–If it’s a guy or girl you’ve had your eye on for a while, don’t get your hopes up too high. Remember, you may have been eyeing your cute classmate/your new coworker/the UPS driver/your brother or sister’s hot friend for a year, but at the end of the day, he or she is just another human being. If you’re really intimidated, imagine them doing something completely silly. You’ll be smiling the whole time, if nothing else.

–If you’re driving, make sure your car is in working order and the tank is full.

–Don’t wear anything that stains easily or prevents you from moving comfortably.

–Four more words: Check the mirror. Often. But do so discreetly.

–If you’re meeting someone for the first time (online, blind date, whatever), make sure you have an exit if it goes badly. You can arrange to have a friend call you at some point. If it’s going well, ignore the call; if it’s not, excuse yourself, take the call, then go back to your date and explain that something came up and you have to leave.

–If you’re feeling at all unwell, call your date and reschedule. Nothing worse than a sneezing fit in the middle of a play or concert or having your monthly bill arrive when you’re at a park that only has portable toilets.

–Don’t get drunk. Limit yourself to one or two alcoholic drinks, or don’t drink at all. If it goes well, you want to be able to remember the date.

–If all else fails, keep your sense of humor. Don’t be mean-spirited, but a well-timed joke or self-deprecating remark can ease the tension.

Wishing you dates free of disasters and full of good times.

About the Author – Meghan K. Donovan is a creative spirit moonlighting as an office manager and freelance writer. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio with her two almost-human cats. She believes in God and in the power of chocolate to heal most ills. She digs guys as committed to peace, social justice, and spirituality as she is.

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