Say “pick-up line” and you might think of drunken frat boys with white baseball hats or sketchy guys in shiny shirts. While both examples certainly have gotten the most press, I humbly submit that the reviled pick-up line, besides being an excellent joke for the object of your affection to share with friends later, can at the very least ease tension when approaching someone who interests you. Notice I say “someone”; women (straight or lesbian) and gay men can use pick-up lines with aplomb, just as straight men can.

Witness the example of my dad, who recited Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” (you know, “’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves . . .”) from memory in order to get my mom’s attention. Technically, it wasn’t a pick-up line, as a mutual friend had introduced my parents and they had been talking at length before my mom excused herself to leave for class. Dad merely wanted to make sure Mom remembered him. Dad’s penchant for nonsense verse worked; my parents were engaged three months later and will celebrate 35 years of marriage on May 4.

Alas, not all men are as original or classy as my father. An acquaintance of mine who wishes to remain anonymous was talking to a hot single dad at a party. He’d taken out his BlackBerry to show her pictures of his adorable kids, and she fussed over how cute they were. Then he “accidentally” scrolled to a picture of his – ahem – male organ. (No, she did not say it was “cute.”)

My friend Katy shared two equally crude examples she heard when she was in her 20′s. Now in her 40′s, she says, “Do we dare to hope that perhaps men in my age group have outgrown these annoying lines? Or maybe I just don’t hear them because I don’t go to bars any more.”

Alcohol does seem to lower inhibitions, as proven by these gems:

• “I’m standing at the bar talking to someone I think is a perfectly nice person when he says, ‘I have to go to the men’s room. Would you like to come and hold it for me?” Ew.
• This one is from an anonymous friend of Katy’s: “She spent the evening talking and drinking with this guy and she thought he was so nice. At closing time, he asked if he could walk her to her car and proceeded to ask her if she wanted to have sex.” Bad enough, but wait for it . . . “When she said no, he responded with ‘OK, how about a blow job then?’”

This last one Katy shared is actually rather cute. “A guy made a ring out of a dollar bill and said, ‘You look like the woman I’ve been waiting for all of my life. Will you accept this ring?’ I only remember that I got very drunk and ended up spending that dollar later in the evening (and I felt guilty for doing it). I always remember it, and I remember thinking it was corny but sweet,” she said.

Another corny but cute one, courtesy of Jen: “Was in Tennessee in-between classes my freshman year of college.  This guy that I had gone to school with since first grade comes up to me as I was sleeping in the hallway with my alarm set.  He gently kicks me, and I of course woke up to him standing over me. He kneels down smiling and goes ‘Are you from Tennessee?’  I went, ‘Of course, why would you ask that? I’ve known you for 10 years.’ (longer now, of course.)  He goes, ‘Because you’re the only Ten I See . . .’ I rolled my eyes and was going to try to finish my nap and he goes, ‘Want to go to the movies with me?’ DOH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had walked right into it, and for our friendship I went to the movies with him and made sure he knew it was only as friends.  Don’t have a clue what happened to him because shortly after that he dropped the couple of classes we had together.” [Incidentally, Jen is now happily married (not to the old school friend) and a mom.]

Another sweet one comes from Valerie: “You are beautiful inside and out.” Awww. Valerie didn’t say whether she went out with the guy or not, but many women I know (OK, me included) would at least give him a second look.

My friend Becky, in her 50′s and one of the savviest daters I know, offered this cautionary tale about lying. While not about a “pick-up line” per se, this story is a great reminder about honesty, whether meeting online or in person. “I talked to a guy on an online dating site. According to his profile, Michael was 5’10”. He wrote me poetry and sent me songs – that really interested me. I always meet for coffee on the first date. I was early and knew what he looked like.  I saw a man who resembled Michael come in and I thought, ‘That can’t be him.’ He came over and sat down, and I was shocked as he was about 5’4”. He started telling me how good I looked in person, and finally I said, ‘I thought you said you were 5’10”.’ He looked me straight in the face and said that he was just diagnosed with osteoporosis and that it was very severe and he had already lost six inches. I could not stop laughing, and I almost spit out my coffee.”

Becky continued, “I told him I too had osteoporosis and had only lost ¼ inch. He finally admitted he had lied about his height in order to meet me. I told him he didn’t have to do that, and he apologized. We ended up becoming good friends.”

What lessons should single people looking for a date or a partner take away from these stories? Sweetness and originality pay off; crudeness doesn’t. While dishonesty may seem like the best policy, it only works if you admit that you fibbed, and perhaps not even then. Honesty and authenticity work best; would you really want someone who doesn’t like you for who you are? Oh yes, and watch your alcohol consumption. Alcohol severs the connection between the brain and the mouth.

About the Author – Meghan K. Donovan is a creative spirit moonlighting as an office manager and freelance writer. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio with her two almost-human cats. She believes in God and in the power of chocolate to heal most ills. She digs guys as committed to peace, social justice, and spirituality as she is.

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