This article is the second in a series of Relationship Basics and addresses what it takes to have an extraordinary relationship. Once again, this is great information to know whether you are single or already in a relationship. For those of you currently single, you may have been for quite awhile, or you may be newly single (i.e. on the rebound). For those of you currently in a relationship, you may already have what you consider to be wonderful or you may have anything but. Regardless of which of these categories you fall into, what it takes to have an extraordinary relationship can be summarized in one word… basics.

In this article, we will address “authenticity.” One of the most common factors that challenge relationships is facades. In this case, I refer to the masks people wear (figuratively) and the walls they put up while in a relationship. Please note that these descriptions (facades, masks, walls) are all plural. For those of you that remember the great analogy from Shrek, think of an onion. It’s like peeling back the layers. Imagine how many layers you might have to peel back to get to the core. Do you know someone who does or has done this? Do you know someone VERY intimately that does this or has done this? Would you like to know why? Once again, it’s F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real). More than 90% of the population is driven by their fears and will do anything to avoid the perceived pain associated with those fears… and in this case, will build walls and put on masks that ultimately hide who they are at their core. Let’s take this a step further. We build these walls and put on masks to protect ourselves from what we don’t want… and guess what. By its inherent nature, we end up with exactly that… what we don’t want.

Once again, I can reference “The Secret” (Law of Attraction) as there is clearly proof related to this in these situations. However, I would challenge you to consider the reference above on what it takes to get to the core (of the onion). For purpose of example and to move you to create the relationship you desire, let’s make this about something we can control… ourselves. Consider your core. Consider who you are. Consider your truth. Get clear on what this looks like, what it sounds like and what feels like. This is your authenticity… who you are at your core when all the layers are peeled back.

Let’s take our authenticity a step further. This is your greatness. At your core, when you are most authentic, when you honor your truth, imagine what you can attract, what you have attracted and what you can create. I do realize that there are many that don’t necessarily have a great view of themselves. That said, I am going to recommend a fun show on TLC called “What Not To Wear”. While the show commonly highlights the ladies, its underlying message is also great for the men. On this show, you will see the layers peeled back… layers that have been comfortable yet no longer serve them. After all the giggles and all the challenges, an authentic amazing individual surfaces. So set your DVR’s to record each episode for a month and you will get the gist. Use this as an opportunity to embrace your greatness… your truth.

Throughout this article, I have eluded to “the truth.” Without going on a rant about integrity, again, I would challenge you to see how honoring your truth will serve you. The truth will set you free. How many of you have heard that it takes multiple lies to cover up each lie? Allow me to introduce you to Gary King. Gary’s mantra is, “There is no such thing as an inconsequential lie.” To bring this full circle, imagine living your truth. Imagine acknowledging and embracing your greatness. And imagine the great relationship you can create in your life by living in your authenticity.

These basics that I suggest above are all things we have absolute control over. We choose what we focus on. We choose how we behave and how we show up. And we choose how we present ourselves. At the same time, many would contest the word “choose.” The facts are quite simple, these are decisions we make every day at an unconscious level. Here’s the beauty for you though. Simply, while reading this article, if you connected with any of what was written, you moved these things from your unconscious to your conscious awareness. Congratulations! You now have conscious awareness of some of the things about living in your authenticity and an extraordinary relationship is well within reach, regardless of your situation today.

This article is the second in a series by the author that maps the creation of an extraordinary relationship. Again, you may be in one of a number of situations regarding relationships. For those who have a pretty clear view of what isn’t working, these basics will address your concerns as well. You are invited back to continue this journey towards the relationship you truly desire.

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About The Expert

On our About the Expert page, you can learn more about the author, including contact information and other posts they've written. About Andrew Fink.