Dear Static Hiss,

I didn’t bother reading your whole question because it comes down to this: In my experience romantic relationships suck because women have unrealistic expectations. Will I ever find someone who loves me for me?

You will if you calm down and relax. If you don’t want to surround yourself with certain types of women, then don’t. I promise you that men and women are not all that different and that if you stop obsessing things will happen naturally.

In the mean time, you are not ready for a romantic relationship because you seem to think they’re some sort of battle to be won. You gain wisdom with experience so go out and get some rather than watching reality tv.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
sewmontiel@yahoo.com

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Ok, Static. This is gonna be long. I wanna touch on every point you made here, so sit back & get comfortable. I want you to take this all in.

First of all, the types of women you’re describing, that ONLY want to be mistreated, are those with low self-esteem. That is NOT all women. It’s a LOT of them, yeah. But considering there are BILLIONS of women in this world, there are quite a few that DON’T want that garbage you described either.

Allow to me to explain. People assume that women only want jerks and not good guys. Why? Because (as you mention) you see so MANY girls, going AFTER jerks. Or STAYING with them. But the truth is, they just WANT that jerk, to BECOME a good guy. (I know. So why not just get a good guy in the 1st place? Very fair question.) The reason is because, women like to CHANGE a man. If he will change his bad ways, and become a better guy (because of HER) she feels like she has accomplished something. He changed for her because she’s “that special.” But 98% of the time, those guys DON’T change for that girl, and she just wasted YEARS on the guy, for NOTHING. (Trust me. I’ve seen as much as you have, PLUS I’ve interviewed girls on how many of those “A-Hole Boyfriends” ACTUALLY CHANGED. Out of over 200 interviews, only ONE of them said yes.)

You don’t want those women. You want a woman who has her head together. A woman who appreciates a man for being a good person. (Yes, those women do exist.)

Unfortunately, the man you described YOURSELF to be, is a PUSHOVER. (Sorry, but it’s true.) Real women want a MAN. Not a jerk. Not a boy. Not a loser. Not an immature guy. They want a MAN.

Women don’t need a man to lay down on the grass so they walk on him instead of getting their shoes dirty. They don’t need you to constantly kiss their a$$ if they’re giving you attitude. You’re going too far. You can be nice & sensitive, without being a complete WUSS. You have to have a BACKBONE with women. Otherwise, they won’t respect you.

If she’s yelling at you, stop her, immediately. “Whoah, whoah. You can chill with the yelling. I’m not a child. If you wanna get your point across, talk in a normal tone. You don’t see me disrespecting YOU like that. So don’t do it to me.” If she continues, walk away. “Come talk to me when you can behave like a mature adult. I’m not gonna listen to you scream & throw a tantrum at me.”

You see? It’s up to YOU to make sure your relationship doesn’t become abusive (on her end). No one can abuse you (continually) unless you let them. Sure, she can yell. But if you put your foot down the very first time, she’ll realize (the same way a GUY will) that she can’t do that with you. If she wants to talk to you, she better act like she has some sense.

As far as buying women everything they want? Those are materialistic women. Another type you don’t need (or want). You get to know a woman on a deeper level. Get to know her as a person. Let her know you the same. Not your wallet, not your job, but YOU. Sure, you can MENTION your job (if you have one), but don’t let it be all about that. Discuss aspirations, hopes, dreams, backgrounds, desires, common interests, hobbies, what she likes in a guy, etc. Eventually, you’ll LEARN whether or not she’s the type of girl you want. You have a choice, too.

Now, in terms of falling in love and her penetrating your barriers like you say, here’s a tip: Don’t be so quick to fall for someone BEFORE GETTING TO KNOW THEM! If you’re unsure about a chick, take a step back. You can still SEE her, but ask yourself, “Is this really someone I can be with?” She may exhibit certain personality traits that you don’t like. She may be shallow, cocky, materialistic, picky, whatever. If she shows those signs, step back. On the other hand, she may show GOOD signs you DO want in a woman. Giving, honest, helpful, fun, loyal, family oriented, etc.

Now, does this mean you CAN’T buy her things? No. If you have it, and she’s earned it (by being a good girlfriend, etc.) and you see something you think she might like, definitely pick it up for her. But you aren’t REQUIRED to do so, and no real, mature, woman would even EXPECT you to get EVERYTHING for them that they want. They want a man who will do the best he can to make her happy, WITHOUT being a doormat.

No woman with any type of real respect for people, wants to make a man suffer, JUST for being NICE to her. Or be mean to him just for trying to do RIGHT by her. If a woman does that, she has some serious mental and emotional (and psychological) issues you don’t need to deal with. (In other words: You don’t want her.)

Ok. I think I touched on everything. If I didn’t, feel free to EMAIL ME with anymore questions:

JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com

Direct. Honest. Real.

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