Static Hiss Asked:
“I’ve been struggling with romantic love for years.
I’m terrified of the dating world, and even if a woman doesn’t reject me, I’m still worried about the relationship itself.
Basically, I’m horrified that the relationship would consist of nothing more than me getting yelled at, cheated on, and physically/verbally abused.
I’ve seen this happen on a daily basis. My dad, my friends, my co-workers, all have been abused by their girlfriends and wives.
They’ve been cheated on, taken for granted, and then their women leave them without warning.
It seems that most of the standards women have are extremely difficult to meet, such as:
1. The guy must have had a girlfriend before he turned 13. (That isn’t the case with me)
2. He can not be a virgin.
3. He must have loads of money.
4. He has to own a car, and must be allowed to drive. Due to my epileptic condition, I can’t legally do that.
5. He must not be living with his parents.
6. He has to have a job that requires a college degree.
7. He must be an egotistical, snotty, arrogant, stuck-up jerk. (That’s something I absolutely refuse to be.
8. The man has to take her on dates every single night.
9. He has to take his woman for granted. (I will NEVER do that)
10. He has to be completely insensitive, and not care about others. (I absolutely refuse to be that way)
11. He has to despise her and abuse her. (Not gonna happen with me)
12. He must only use her for sex. (Again, not gonna happen in my case)
13. He has to cheat on her. (I wouldn’t do that if my life depended on it)
14. He has to constantly ignore her. (Not going to happen with me)
15. He must never pay attention to her. (Not gonna happen in my case)
16. He can’t love her. (I’m incapable of meeting this standard)
17. He has to always argue with her. (I’m incapable of doing that)
18. He must have the desire to have kids and be mean to them. (I don’t plan on kids and I DEFINITELY DO NOT have the desire to be mean to them)
19. He has to buy her everything. (I’m sure this is not possible)
20. He has to be a terrible person in general. (That’s literally impossible for me)
21. He has to insult her and sexually harass her. (I will never do this)
22. He has to be a sexist jerk. (I’ll do everything I can to prevent myself from meeting this standard)
23. He has to be the most bigoted guy on the planet. (Not going to happen with me)
I can go on with this, but it’s too terrible. And the standards I can’t list are the impossible ones.
And that’s another thing I’m afraid of, constant arguing.
I’m immune to most forms of hostility towards myself when it’s for a short duration of time.
That, and when I can also exercise and get it out of me.
Overall, although I had the ambition to get a girlfriend and a future wife…the whole thing seems very very grim to me.
It’s very scary. Although I can put up with some things, I have my limits in terms of endurance.
And if I have a woman and eventually start loving her, I get the idea that she can penetrate my emotional barriers, and end up damaging me beyond recovery.
I get the feeling that she’ll do everything she can to make me suffer, even if I do nothing to hurt her.
I get the idea that she will hate me, even if I do everything for her, even if I’m completely kind to her in every way (so nice that it would make your mind explode into millions of pieces).
I’ve got the feeling that being nice to her would be the wrong thing, like she would end up wanting to hurt me even if I support her, help her achieve her goal in life, do everything I can to make her happy, and NEVER ask her to do anything for me.
Nearly every time I think about this, I get the feeling that doing everything I can to make her life the best experience possible will make her despise me.
Basically, I’ve given up on the dating world despite being 21 at this current time.
Even if I don’t get rejected, I feel that I’ll end up suffering no matter what I do (literally).
The only thing I know that women CLAIM they want is;
1. Being loved
2. Wanting sensitive guys
3. Wanting confident guys
Of course, based upon what I’ve seen, it is perfectly clear that this is a blatant lie.
Almost everyone tells me romantic love is the best thing in life.
Most I’ve seen from it, is just a mortal manifestation of hell.
So please, tell me…am I going to suffer if I enter the dating world, even if I meet “the one”?
Are most experiences in the game of romantic love the same as what my family and friends have gone through?
Should I avoid love? I don’t really see what good can come out of it.
In the dating game and the game of marriage, I expect nothing more than failure, abuse, getting yelled at, and being dumped.”
- Static Hiss (21, Garden Grove, California)
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