Kelsie Asked:

“My friends are as baffled as I am, maybe someone has been in a similar situation and can help me!

My ex and I were together 3 years before we broke up. We fought often, but always made up and the good always outweighed the bad. We were very open with each other, very honest, and very goofy. Once we broke up, he dated another girl and once they didn’t work out he and I tried to give it another shot, until I got too attached and he began dating another girl. After that I decided to cut him out, but one day about 2 weeks later we got back in contact, and he ended up breaking up with his girlfriend to try to work things out with me. That continued for about a month until I met another guy and began dating him. My ex got upset and we only talked about once a month for 3 months. I ended my relationship and began talking to him again, only to find out he was involved with another girl, (who people have continuously said looks like she could be my sister) but said it wasn’t serious. I took this time to think about our relationship and if I wanted to try again with him. He said he didn’t know if he wanted to be with this new girl and I took this as a signal to try to go after him. However, next thing I know they are a couple and very much “happy”. She goes to school down in Pennsylvania (I’m from Vermont) and so he and I began spending a lot of time together. He revealed that most of her friends hated him due to things he had done in the past, which made it difficult. About a month into their relationship he and I ended up having sex (which I feel awful about) and he said he missed me. The next week though, he told me he loved this new girl and thinks she is the one. So I began dating a new man and my ex and I drifted apart for about a month. He continues to take the train down to visit his girlfriend as much as possible. About a week ago, he and I got into an explosive fight, he was drunk and I was fighting with my boyfriend, but it ended with a phone call that has left me very confused. During this call, he told me he loved me (but the immediately realized this and exclaimed “as a friend, you’re my best friend”) that he thinks I can do better than my boyfriend (and I then said the same about his girlfriend) that he misses me, that he wants to see me be in a happy relationship, and that his life is so confusing right now, that if his girlfriend saw the “real him” she wouldn’t like it, but that he is happy with her. He also said he wants to keep me in his life forever and that it would be impossible to cut each other out. I have met his girlfriend before they started dating and have some mutual friends, and from what I know she is a very sweet girl. However, he is not sweet or nice, he laughs the hardest at crude things, swears like a sailor, and is extremely aggressive. I haven’t spoken to him since, but he has posted some pictures of him and his girlfriend on facebook.

I’m asking because ever since then I have been unable to stop thinking about him. I broke up with my boyfriend because I knew it was unfair to him. I think I still love my ex and want to know what kind of signal he is sending. If I should hang in there as his friend, hold out for a relationship, or give up completely.”

- Kelsie (21)

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