Brian Asked:
“my wife and i have been married for ten years we started going out when i was 11 and she was 9 broke up and started going back out when she was 15 and i was 17 stayed together for a few years and broke up again we got back together when is 21 and she was 19 and been together since well i got lazy and didnt pay much attention to her but didnt realize it was that bad thought we were good then about a year ago she said she wasnt happy anymore so i started paying more attention to her and she says she thinks it just to late she loves me can count on me for anything and i am her best friend and can tll me anything but just is not in love with me so i moved out thinking it would help but it hasnt i started calling texting and she said im driving her crazy she hopes we work out just for the kids sake but shes not sure if she wants to any more but scared to stop trying cause shes affraid ill stop talking to her and not be her friend any more oh i forgot she is also going through depression but she says that isnt making this decision. so now im asking her to go to counciling and she says your driving me crazing this is all you talk about just lets see whats going to happen. but i am so in love with her please help with your advice thank you.”
- Brian (34, Hobart, Indiana)
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Dear Brian,
Obsessive much?
If she consents to go to counseling you need to do all the work to make it happen. That means finding a suitable counselor, scheduling the initial session, scheduling for childcare if necessary, and paying for everything. The only thing she should have to worry about is showing up to the session ready to talk.
In the mean time, stop bugging her. She keeps telling you you’re bugging her and your response is bothering her more so stop it.
Also stop thinking of your relationship as something that began when you were 11. That is pure silliness. You seem to be stuck in a childlike state, as evidenced by your writing skills and the idea that your wife is supposed to fulfill all the needs in your life.
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
sewmontiel@yahoo.com
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