Alex Asked:
“Im engaged to the love of my life. but she is attached to the hip to her mother and family.
She has always put her family before me, and until now im beggining to get tired of it. She sometimes brings her cousins and mom to visit, and expects me to always pay, and the like to eat expensive. I’ve brought it to her attention but says i make 4x as much as they do. She comes from a family who was well off but now due to the reccession her mom lost her business. I feel she expects me to provide her and her mother and 8 year boy with the lifestyle they once knew, but honestly i just cant, i have expenses and pay child support so i refuse to do it, and now she is contemplating ending our relationship.
What should i do or approach this?”
- Alex (39, El paso, Texas)
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“So, just because I can’t provide your whole family with the lifestyle they’re used to, you wanna break up with me? Ouch. So much for love. That makes me feel like you’re only with me for my money.”
That’s ^^ what you need to say to your fiance. (You can phrase it however you want, but that’s the point you need to get across.)
It’s not up to you to take care of her entire family, or even “a few” of them. It’s your job to take care of YOUR family. And if she marries you, that includes HER. It’s OK to treat her family to a meal once in a while, or help them out when you CAN, but you are NOT OBLIGATED to, and it should NOT be your first priority. That is not your job.
Bring this to her attention, everything I told you. And if she tries to flip it on you, calling you cheap or whatever, threatening to end the relationship, ask her if your money is all she cares about. Wait for her response. You’ll be able to tell if she’s being sincere, or if it’s pure BS. Once that happens, you’ll know exactly how to proceed.
JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com
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