James Asked:
“Me and my wife have been married for 16 years, very healthy marriage, until she started going out with a lesbian friend, never thought nothing of it until one morning my son gave me an app which records your sleep so gave it a try, in the morning i had to pick my son up and left the house when i returned i noticed i left my phone upstairs and thought ill listen to my sleep talking, but nothing was on there only when i left the house and my wife called the lesbian friend saying she had not got long as i would be back in 10 minutes and told her she would give her a proper call later, this really upset me and i confronted her about it, but denied anything was going on. It rose suspicions with her activities before like going to gay clubs with her emergency calls for my wife to go with her, even ones that they had predicted was going to happen, if something happened to me her lesbian friend would hit back something had happened to her, cut a long story short, i have found her lesbian friend has loads of pictures of her and my wife has sent pictures to her, and that if i talk about her friend she goes back and tells her what i have said, found her mobile bills that she tried to hide under another account and saw she spent £60 a month which was mostly with texts to her and calls, her first and last call in the day was always her. we have split for 5 months over this and in them 5 months she has slept out and drank with her, i still love her and tried everything to fight for her but she seems to be rubbing my face in it but her sleepovers, 1 other thing her friend is a manager and got my wife a job at her place, i have recently gone through radio therapy and lost my job as a result, it finished in November and we split in the end of January she says she cares for me but because of the consent horrible texts i have gave over the 5 months how could she come back and i told her its more frustration of what she has done by going out with her and not telling her to back off while we sort our marriage out. Really dont know what to do, as i write this she is away with her on a conference for 2 days which my wife told me someone had dropped out and her friend asked her with no consideration of what i would think and none for our 3 kids. thank you 
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- James (45)
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James,
Unfortunately, your wife has made it clear who and want she wants — and it isn’t you, I’m sorry to say. While you were together, it was her lesbian friend. Now that you two have split, it’s her lesbian friend. She’s told you she doesn’t want to come back & work things out. I mean, she’s done everything but buy a billboard and it on the highway.
It sucks, but right now, she wants this woman. Now, that’s not to say she won’t get over this phase (if it IS a phase) or that they won’t break up down the line. But RIGHT NOW, this is what she wants. You have to let her do what’s right for HER. If you try and FORCE it (her to come back to you) she will only fight you harder on it and resent you for it.
JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com
Direct. Honest. Real.
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