Ridessh,

Of course he wants you both. And, he will HAVE you both. As you said, she comes first, so he’s more concerned with keeping her, because YOU will ALWAYS be there. He can piss you off, lie to you, dismiss you, act like you don’t exist and even deny your children. But IF HE WANTS you there, you will BE there. Guaranteed. If he wants to come and apologize, you’ll believe him. If he wants to cozy up & have sex, you’ll let him. If he wants to be with you b/c his girlfriend dumped him, you’ll allow it.

Basically, you’ll do whatever he WANTS you to do, EVEN THOUGH he’s no good. So, you have two choices:

A) Prove me wrong.
B) Prove me right.

Which one do YOU think is best? For both you, AND your kids?

JayTheAdviceMan@aol.com

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Dear Ms. Ridessh,

I really hate to tell a young lady who’s pregnant that her predicament is her own fault, but I have to here. Of course it’s not your sole responsibility that you’re pregnant – that required your egg (or eggs) to be fertilized by his sperm – but it is your fault for putting yourself in such a crappy situation.

Life isn’t fair. As women we have the burden – and blessing – of pregnancy. That means we have the duty to assure that we do not become pregnant when it is not optimal to do so. In case you weren’t sure, getting pregnant when you’re having casual sex with a guy who may or may not have a girlfriend and with whom you’re afraid to have a serious and honest conversation – on subjects such as whether he has a girlfriend – are NOT optimal. Men get to be irresponsible jerks because they can’t get pregnant. Women cannot be irresponsible jerks because we CAN get pregnant.

And now that you’re pregnant YOU have to be a responsible adult. Once you have children, you are de facto an adult, my dear. Adults face the truth. The truth: he does not love you, and you probably don’t love him considering you don’t really know him. The truth: unfortunately, unless he’s a complete screw-up – and he very well may further prove himself to be – the two of you are going to be in each other’s lives for a long time. The truth: it’s going to be a battle to get him to be responsible for his children considering he wasn’t responsible about using condoms.

If you want him to help financially and otherwise to care for his children you have to put his name on the birth certificates. Then you’ll probably need to get family court involved.

If you don’t want him involved with you or the children, do not put his name on their birth certificates and he won’t have any parental rights, which could include seeking full custody and so on. I wouldn’t trust this guy to do the right thing in either case.

I also wouldn’t trust that the babies you’re carrying are his first and second children.

Good luck.

Sincerely,

Suzanne White Montiel
sewmontiel@yahoo.com

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