“I’m attracted to my boss but I’m completely and utterly confused as to whether or not she is also attracted to me. Here is the brief background. She is single, with a young daughter (5 years old) and I am married with two boys (she is aware of this). Initially when I joined the company, I used to avoid her like a plague, I used to even ignore her calls. I was not at all interested in her. But lately, I find myself looking forward to going to work every morning and I am keen to come with any excuse to see her every time i go to the office. Her office is several floors above my floor. She often comes down to our floor to speak to some of the employees on our floor and every time i hear her voice, i start to panic, and I try to look my best and my heart start beating real fast and my hands become sweaty (Im really embarrassed to admit to this but I am totally attracted to her).
Here is the situation about her: She is very kind to me. She often goes out of her way to help me when I ask her to. She often comes to sit in my office or use it to do her work if her floor gets too busy/noisy. When we are out at hotels on company business trips with other employees, she tends to want to sit at the same table with me. We often hold conversations and she laughs a lot at my jokes and often openly tells others that she finds my jokes funny. Recently, during a business lunch at a hotel on a business trip, she and I discovered that we like the same sort of food (Italian), and she openly told everyone around the table that we share the same taste in food.
There was once a dispute in the office over something serious, and she told everyone around the table that she trusts my opinion more than everyone else’s. We once appeared together sitting next to each other in a photograph at a company event, and she showed the photo to everyone nearby and said that I was good looking (which caught me by surprise and made me slightly uncomfortable).
Recently, I don’t know what came over me but we had a meeting and I had asked to be excused so I could leave early to attend to a private matter – As I was about to leave, she walked me to the lift and as I was about to walk away from her to get into the lift, I instinctively held her hand and she held my hand also, just briefly before we both let go and said our goodbyes. Another hand holding incident happened on another occasion when we both came from another company event and i was speaking to her, making a joke and i instinctively reached out to hold her hand and she just passively allowed me to hold her hand (it was in the middle of a crowd of other people and i thought she was going to pull her hand away but she didn’t).
Just to be clear, so far nothing sexual has ever happened between us, and i have studiously avoided making any gestures that could be interpreted by her or anyone else as a sexual move (because I am confused as to whether or not she is attracted to me – she is my boss and I don’t want to make any assumptions and make stupid moves that could turn out to be inappropriate and make a fool of myself). Oh by the way, just the other day I had to fetch something from her office when she was away and i got a spare key to her office from the janitor and I never returned it (and she was not aware that I I had a spare key to her office until recently). She unexpectedly found out about this recently, but to my surprise, she didn’t ask why I was keeping the spare key to her office. In fact a few days ago, she had left her office key at home – she came to me and asked me to use the key to open her office and when she was done with it, she returned it to me (and that left me absolutely confused). I am not sure what to think of this whole scenario. Please tell me what you think and how to handle this.”
– Nosaj (45, Cape Town, South Africa)
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