Lauren Asked:
“Hi experts,
I just wanted a second opinion on my situation.
I was previously going out with a 43 year old man, he is still married although now going through a divorce which he knows won’t be easy. He left his ex-wife for me and we worked together. I left the workplace and went on to start my own business which has been tremendously stressful and difficult. He is a happy go lucky man whereas I have suffered depression, I get affected by the situation easily at times and this led to me letting his daughter down, as I was due to meet them for a walk on a day out. My mind was everywhere, I was so stressed out I just couldnt cope on that day and it led to me saying to him perhaps we aren’t meant for each other etc etc. I was wrong. The situation i.e. his wife still getting his earning etc winds me up and he hasn’t really done anything to split the marriage etc due to not wanting to cause problems with access to his daughter.
He split up with me due to the day I let his daughter down.. I think its changed his perspective. I was devastated as we don’t argue, I thought we loved each other completely, I saw him as my life partner – and he now knows that.
He came around to drop something of mine back to me three weeks after splitting with me. But was still all over me. He was hugging me very tightly when I started to cry, we hugged several times, he wiped away my tears with his hankerchief, he kissed me on the lips but I pulled away as I said you shouldn’t have done that to him. But he went on to kiss me on the shoulder, on the neck, held my hands so tightly as said it was really good to see me and really good to talk to me, It was lovely. However he kept saying how if I ever need to chat we can go out for coffee etc etc. But I said to him we would be going out on cross-purposes i.e. I would just want him back and he would just want to be friends. So I declined – I thought this would be healthier for both of us.
So I emailed a day later about something else and just to clarify, calmly, I asked if there was ever a chance for him and me again in the future.
He emailed back and said with where he is at at the moment, he had to say no to be fair. However he has not cooked our signature dish (meal) since and he has thought of cooking it a couple of times and bringing it round – considering we live 30 miles away from each other that would be a mean feat! But he wants me to live well and prosper as he put it.
With the situation as I have outlined it – would you think he would ever want to give ‘us’ another go?”
- Lauren (25, Devon)
Rate This Post:
Did you like this article? Submit it to your favorite social bookmarking sites:
Dear Lauren,
Despite the fact that you thought you were in a mature relationship, you were not. It was a rebound relationship for him, and for you a relationship with training wheels.
It’s good that you’re broken up for a number of reasons: 1) the fact that you resented him financially contributing to the upkeep of his child; 2) the vast age and experience difference; 3) that you think the two of you have any chance whatsoever (you don’t); 4) that you (mysteriously) screwed up with his kid, who should absolutely be a priority over you or anyone else in his life.
Take this as a lesson and move on. In the future you should seek relationships with men who are available, both actually and emotionally. Despite him leaving his wife “for you” he did not – he would have eventually left her even if you weren’t in the picture. In the future you should understand that if the guy has a kid that the kid is much more important than you, something with which you at your tender age may not be able to cope, so maybe guys sans children are best. In the future you should move on without so much dwelling in the past.
I hope you’re already on to your own rebound relationship. Better yet, I hope you’ve been doing some casual relating since you’re way too young to dwell over what was essentially a fling (to him).
Sincerely,
Suzanne White Montiel
sewmontiel@yahoo.com
Like or Dislike:
0 
0